


Ultraviolence

by holysansa



Series: Vers of Hala [1]
Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Smut, F/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Power Imbalance, Pre-Canon, Pre-Captain Marvel (2019)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-02 09:03:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 52,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20273389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holysansa/pseuds/holysansa
Summary: “I belonged to them. I was their weapon and I…I thought it was my purpose. I felt like I was there for a reason. I thought I was home, I thought I had friends, I thought…I thought I loved him.”For six years, Carol lives as Vers on the Kree world of Hala. With no memories and no friends on a foreign planet, Yon-Rogg quickly becomes her closest friend and mentor. She relies on him for everything and finds that she can’t ignore her growing attraction to him. But he has his own motivations for letting her lean on him…Yon-Rogg is captivated by Vers, he can’t ignore that, but he has a responsibility to Kree that is larger than either of them. With the coaxing of the ever-watchful Supreme Intelligence, they become entangled in a relationship that will push both of them to their limits.





	1. Prologue

As evening turned into night, the little Louisiana homestead had grown peaceful as most current occupants—human and Skrull alike—had fallen asleep. The only two still awake were sitting on the couch and trying to fill in the six-year gap between them. Carol encouraged Maria to do most of the talking. Every word Maria spoke and every movement she made reminded Carol of all the affectionate thoughts and feelings she had harbored for the woman sitting before her.

Maria’s face hadn’t meant anything to Carol when they were initially reunited, but now memories were flooding Carol’s mind—memories of loving her. She remembered late nights singing karaoke and making out in her Mustang. She remembered holidays with Maria’s family and watching Monica sing at a preschool concert. She remembered slow dancing in the kitchen. She remembered being held in her arms as they fell asleep together night after night.

Six years of grief and longing over her absence had weighed on Carol’s mind ever since they had been reunited, even though she hadn’t understood, or even noticed, the feeling at first. Her mind had been empty for six years, but the memories had been in her all this time, deep down. And he had known.

“Carol,” Maria said, “are you alright?”

“What? Sorry, I was…” Carol shook her head. “I don’t know.”

“You just started spacing out. Maybe it’s time for bed?”

Carol closed her eyes, years of dreading sleep for fear of nightmares pounced at her. “No, I don’t want to sleep. Not yet.”

“Well, luckily we don’t have a strict lights-out rule to follow anymore, so no one’s going to make you.”

Carol couldn’t help but laugh. She remembered enough to know that Maria was talking about their days as airmen in training. It was amazing how the memories came to her so easily now, as though the dam holding them back had finally broken open. She wondered if having her memories back would mean that she could finally sleep without the Skrull attack—no, the _Kree_ attack, invading her dreams. But even if she did continue to have nightmares, at least she knew she could wake up and…and…

Carol abruptly stood as an awful gnawing feeling overwhelmed her mind, twisting her gut. Whatever she would’ve done on Hala to ease her mind, she couldn’t do now. It had all been a lie. She could feel her frustration beginning to glow inside her.

_Breathe, Vers._

“Fuck…” Carol half-expected to hear the chip on her neck buzzing and brought her hand to her neck to assure herself that it was gone.

“Carol,” Maria’s voice came from behind her. “Carol, talk to me. What’s going on?”

“I don’t know… I…” Carol shook her head. “I’ve been having nightmares about a single event for years, and now…now I have six years worth of nightmare material for my brain to choose from.”

Maria stood up now, too, looking Carol in the eyes. “You’re bigger than your nightmares. You are stronger than all those people that used you. You literally destroyed one of their warships.”

Carol smiled. “It was surprisingly easy.”

“And you’ll find a way to destroy whatever it is they tried to put in your head, too. You’re free of them now.”

“Not completely.”

“What do you mean? You’re here with me right now and they’re—I don’t know the term to use, light-years?”

“It works.”

“They’re light-years away from you. You don’t belong to them.”

“I felt like I did.”

“But you don’t anymore.”

“But I did, Maria. I _belonged_ to them. I was their weapon and I… I thought it was my purpose. I felt like I was there for a reason. I thought I was home, I thought I had friends, I thought…” Carol closed her eyes, she could feel them stinging, threatening tears if she didn’t control herself. “I thought I loved him.”

“Who?”

The name hurt her before it left her lips, “Yon-Rogg.”

“The guy who tried to kill us?”

“Yep, that one.”

Maria seemed to wince. She was taken aback but she was trying to hide it. She sat back down as she said, “You guys had a thing?”

“I don’t know what I’d call it, but I trusted him more than I trusted anyone else. He was the first face I saw when I woke up after the attack, and he was the first person I went to for anything. He knew everything about me. Everything. The whole time, he knew everything, and he lied to me. And now I can’t get him out of my head.”

“You spent six years with him, Carol. Turns out he was a lying asshole the whole time, but it was still years of trust on your part. It’ll take time, but you’ll get him out of your head.”

“I just wish…” Carol felt her chest tighten.

“What?”

“I wish I didn’t have _good_ memories with him.”

Maria was silent for a moment, then said, “You can have a close relationship with someone who’s hurting you and you can get along with them and have good memories with them. At the end of the day, though, they still hurt you. He still abused you. Lying to you every single day was an act of _violence_.”

Carol swallowed a lump in her throat. She knew Maria was right, but letting the truth sink in while standing in this quiet living room was painful. Facing her captors in combat had been adrenaline-fueled and immediately gratifying. But now the dust was starting to settle, and she could feel all the crevices in her mind and her body that had been disturbed.

She sat down next to Maria once more and took her hand. Maria’s thumb stroked the back of Carol’s hand, and Carol just watched it for a moment. Then Carol brought her legs up to the couch and positioned herself to lie down, her head in Maria’s lap. She remembered falling asleep like this years ago. Maria stroked Carol’s hair with a touch that was more loving than anything Carol had felt since she vanished. She tried to let that touch be all she thought about and all that she needed to calm down. She tried to just be _Carol _instead of Vers.

In the silence surrounding them, Carol could almost hear her heartbeat. She wouldn’t let herself think about the blue Kree blood flowing through her veins. She wanted to believe that he wouldn’t always be a part of her. But six years of deception—of violence—had left a wound that was only just beginning to heal.


	2. Rebirth

“Is she awake?” a voice sounded through the fog that she was coming to find herself in. “I think she’s awake.”

“Vers?” came another voice, this one closer. “Vers, can you hear me?”

Her eyelids fluttered, hesitant against the light.

“Fuck,” she muttered, her voice raspy and unfamiliar to her. She tried to open her eyes again, but the light hurt her, and, as she quickly came to realize, so did everything else. “What happened?”

“You’ve been very seriously injured,” the second voice, male, spoke to her again. This time, she forced her eyes open, willing them to adjust to the light. A face came into focus, presumably the owner of the voice. He was next to her, close to her. She didn’t recognize him.

“Who are you? Where am I?”

It looked like she might be in a hospital room, but she couldn’t be sure; it felt off to her. There were a few other people in the room, all in matching white uniforms, talking amongst themselves, glancing at her and at screens that were charting something she couldn’t make out. She tried to sit up and found that she couldn’t. She saw now that her arms were not only strapped down, but they were stuck with tubes, something blue being pumped into her. 

“What the fuck are you doing to me?”

“Saving your life. You’re getting a blood transfusion.” The man next to her lifted his arm and she saw that the blue substance being pumped into her was coming from him. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

“Who the hell are you?”

“Yon-Rogg, Starforce Commander.”

“Is that supposed to mean anything to me?”

“You don’t remember?”

“Remember what? What am I supposed to be remembering?”

Yon-Rogg gave her a look that made her stomach drop. It was a look resembling pity. “Do you know your name?”

“Of course I know my name.”

“Then please, tell me your name.”

She opened her mouth, ready to pull her name from her throat, but nothing came out. She reached into her brain, for the simplest thing she could’ve possibly been reaching for, and she found nothing. She looked again at Yon-Rogg, speechless.

“Does Vers rings any bells for you?”

“Is Vers my name?”

“It is. Or, at least it was the only part of your identity we could recover.”

“Recover from what?” She tried to sit up again, but was reminded of her restraints. She started growing hot with frustration. “Why am I being restrained?”

“You need to relax, Vers. You’ve been through—”

“I don’t care what I’ve been through, let me go!” And then, without warning, her hands lit up and a blast of light shot forth, burning into the wall. “What the fuck was that?!”

“Vers! Calm yourself.”

The room around her had erupted into chaos, people rushing to her and away from her all at once, and she was still tied down. Yon-Rogg grabbed her wrist, and she saw her hands were still glowing...and sparking.

“What’s happening to me? What did you do to me?” She tried to jerk away from him, and he let her go.

“I didn’t do anything to you,” he said. “We’re trying to help you.”

And then, as quickly as her hands had lit up, they dimmed and resumed the appearance of normal hands, all while something on her neck buzzed and stung her.

“How did I do that?” The buzzing on her neck continued, irritating and itching. “What the hell is on my neck?”

“You’ve been given a great gift, Vers. There’s a chip on your neck that helps control it when you can’t. You may not believe me now, but I _ am _ going to help you with it.”

“Are you going to start by removing these restraints?”

Yon-Rogg looked her over, assessing, his golden eyes squinting and his forehead creasing. “Very well.”

He motioned with his hand, and a member of the medical team responded. They pulled up a screen from their wrist, tapped a few things, and the restraints on Vers disappeared. She immediately sat up and winced.

“Careful. You’re going to be in a lot of pain.”

“No shit.” Vers looked at the needle in her arm. “Is that blood?”

“Feeling woozy?”

“It’s blue. Is it supposed to be blue?”

“What color should it be?”

“I don’t know, normal blood color, maybe. Red? My memory can’t be _ that _off.” When her eyes met his, she felt her stomach drop again. “My memory isn’t that off, is it?”

“We have no way of knowing the full extent of what you lost. You may never remember everything, but you will build a new life.”

“No, stop. A new life? What are you talking about? I need to know who I am before you start talking to me about a new life.”

“You are Vers and you are Kree.”

“Yeah and my fucking hands light up out of nowhere. Did they always do that?”

“You were given a gift, and I am going to help you with it.”

“How? Do your hands light up too?”

“No, but if we treat it like any other weapon—”

“A _ weapon_?”

“It can be a lot to take in—”

“You think so?”

“—but if you focus on what’s real and now, you can go far.”

Vers lowered herself back into a lying position. “I can’t focus on anything right now. I don’t understand what’s going on. I don’t know what kind of pain medication you guys put me on, but that has to be what’s wrong.”

“Just get some rest. We have time.”

* * *

Their initial interaction had gone better than expected. Much better, actually.

Yon-Rogg sat back as the medical staff tended to the final steps of the transfusion and disconnected his veins from the now sleeping Vers. She had willingly accepted a sleeping tab and drifted off immediately. She would be in and out of consciousness for a few days, at least, and there would doubtless be more tests and procedures she’d have to undergo before she was ready to leave medical supervision. That would buy everyone more than enough time to execute the first steps in this operation.

“Inform me immediately if she wakes again.” He stood, ignoring the medical team’s suggestion that he stay and rest. When he exited the room, he was met by Minn-Erva, who had been waiting outside for his signal if things had gone less favorably.

“What happened in there?” Minn-Erva took up stride with him.

“The induced memory loss took. She has no idea who she is or where she comes from.”

“She better be worth your blood.”

“My blood is what’s making her worth anything. The energy she absorbed would have eaten her alive if we had left her in her human state. As long as we continue to keep the memories of her former life at bay, she’ll be a great asset to us.”

“Is that what the Supreme Intelligence thinks?”

“Yes. I’ve been ordered to maintain her and groom her for our use.”

“Someone else isn’t going to do that?”

“I’m the perfect one to take her on.”

“Does that mean you’ll be training her—”

“To be part of Starforce? Yes. So you better get used to her.”

Minn-Erva sighed. “Great.”

“Do not doubt the Supreme Intelligence, Minn-Erva. We have a lot of work to do with her, but it will all pay off in the end, for the good of all Kree.”

Minn-Erva couldn’t have sounded less patriotic as she repeated, “For the good of all Kree.”

* * *

The weeks that followed were filled with medical procedures to help stabilize Vers in her new Kree biology. The procedures were fairly simple, but she had to be constantly monitored to make sure her body wasn’t going to reject anything. More important, the battery monitoring the photon energy in her had to be tweaked to perfection. If her powers weren’t capped off at a manageable level, there was no telling how much damage she could cause if she lost control. With that in mind, the system used to control her also had to be militantly flawless. She had to be able to be subdued at the snap of a finger. It was Yon-Rogg’s responsibility to oversee every detail, and so he spent every day at her side.

The medical and technological aspects of his responsibility to her were straightforward, but getting to know the human side of her was the biggest challenge in all of this for Yon-Rogg. He knew that humans were instinctual, impulsive, and emotional, so he had prepared himself to deal with myriad irrationalities until her Kree modifications began to dominate her.

What he hadn’t prepared himself for, however, was how quickly her human quirks began to intrigue him.

“Who do I have to screw to get a cup of tea in this place?” was her greeting to him on one of his daily visits.

“Hello to you too.”

“Hi. Now back to the tea situation.”

“Right. What’s this about screwing someone? Explain that to me.”

“Explain screwing?” She laughed, but her smile quickly dissipated. “Are you being serious?”

“Yes, I’m not familiar with the phrase. If I’m going to help you screw someone for a cup of tea, I’d like to know exactly what it is you’re expecting.”

“Ok, maybe don’t ever say that again. Screwing is… sexual. It’s the same as if I said, ‘Who do I have to fuck around here to get a cup of tea?’ It’s the same concept. At least, I think it is.”

“So, to be clear, are you asking me if you have to have sex with someone to get tea?”

“No! It’s a joke! I just want tea and I want to know _ how _ I can get it. If I actually have to have sex with someone to get it, I’m not so sure I want it that badly.” As an afterthought, she said, “Depending on the person I’d have to screw, I guess.”

“So you’re _ just _ asking for tea?’

“Yes.”

“I didn’t realize you drank it.”

“I’ve always been more of a tea than a coffee person.”

“What’s coffee?”

“Seriously!?”

Yon-Rogg had to inwardly admit to himself that the idioms she tossed around in her everyday speech had become an amusement to him. Of course, all of these second-nature sayings would naturally come back to her, and if the situation had been different, he might have been able to tell her where she had learned them. As it were, he had to leave her in the dark.

* * *

Vers woke up alone. It was the first time she had opened her eyes and not seen someone else looking at her or checking her charts. It was the first time she didn’t have someone trying to medicate her or interview her or make her feel like an unfortunate idiot. It was the first time she had a moment to herself.

Incidentally, she was still in the room with a stranger.

“Vers,” she said the name out loud, staring at the ceiling. “Vers. Vers. Vers, Vers, Vers, Vers.”

It was her name, but it sounded so foreign to her. Of all the things that might have felt familiar to her, she thought her own name would have been on the top of that list. Recognizing a city, a building, a room, or the people in the room would be things that would jog something in her memory in time, or so Yon-Rogg kept saying. But a name…a name was something you wore everyday, without even having to think about it. If her name had been with her for her entire life, shouldn’t fitting back into it feel natural?

No matter how many times she said the name, it sounded wrong. It wouldn’t stick, it kept falling off like…like…

“Fuck,” Vers pushed herself up from her bed. She couldn’t even think of a comparison for what she was feeling. Everything in her mind seemed just out of reach, and even a seemingly simple thought process was met with an abrupt dead end.

She started pacing the room, this room she had been stuck in for what felt like months. When she wasn’t scratching at the chip on her neck, her fists were clenching and unclenching. Her chest kept growing tighter, and her brain felt like it was on fire. She was getting dizzy, her vision was blurring, and the fire in her kept burning, spreading. Her palms were sweating and she clenched her fists tighter and tighter, her hands growing hotter and hotter. Question after question rushed through her mind, too fast to keep up with. She could hardly breathe, could hardly feel her own body, and her fists suddenly flared.

The next thing she knew there were people in the room, trying to touch her, telling her to calm down, trying to get her to take a sleep tab. She could smell something burning. Losing control of her “gifts” felt a little familiar by now, at least.

“Stop,” she heard herself. “Stop touching me. Get off of me.”

There were two of them holding her, crowding her, and they weren’t listening to her. There were more people behind them, talking about her as if she weren’t there.

“I said get off!” With another flare of her fists, the people holding her down flew across the room. A flurry of motion and shouting overtook the room and still her fists burned.

“What is going on here?” a single voice rose above the sound and motion, and she knew it was him. Yon-Rogg had quickly become a commanding presence in her life as both stranger and comforter to her. She’d recognize him anywhere.

“Yon-Rogg,” she said, her fists still up and burning. “Yon, I’m sorry.”

“Vers, it’s alright. Clear your mind.” His eyes were on her, a steadying force. “These are your emotions controlling you. Don’t give them this power. Clear your mind.”

“I can’t do that with all these people around,” she said through clenched teeth. “I don’t know why I’m still _ stuck _in this hospital room.”

“Everyone is just trying to help you, Vers. You suffered tremendous trauma.”

“If I have to hear about what I suffered one more time—”

“Vers…”

“Stop saying that name!”

Yon-Rogg kept his eyes on her, but motioned to the stock-still medical personnel, and they finally left the room.

“Listen to me, Vers. Your recovery is going to take time. There is a lot you are not going to be able to understand right now; we’ve been over this, but you need to trust that we are all doing what is best for you.”

“How can you know what’s best for me when we don’t even know who I am?”

He stepped towards her, his hands held up as if surrendering. He looked at her fists. She lowered them.

“You are Vers. Trust that and the rest will follow.”

“How?” Her hands were at her side, but they were still clamped shut, ready to burn.

“Let go of your emotions. Control your mind.” He stepped closer, his voice lowered to a tone meant just for her. “Trust me.”

She closed her eyes. She felt her body coming back to her, her chest loosening and her limbs slacking. Her hands trembled. She felt weak.

“You should sit down,” he said. 

She listened to him and sat at the edge of her bed. She took a moment to steady her breathing.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I feel like I’m going crazy in this room.”

“You have been in here for a considerable length of time,” he said. “I came with good news for you today. You have been cleared for release from medical supervision, but after this incident…”

She stood back up. “No, I can control it. This wasn’t a big deal. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

“I have to be certain you’re not going to be a danger to others.”

“I’m not. I’m just getting stir crazy in this room. I need to get out. I’ll be calm and in control when I’m out of here.”

“It’s not going to be that easy.”

“But that’s what you’re here for, right? To help me control this?”

He was assessing her. “You _ must _ listen to me.”

“Anything to get out of this room.”

“It’s more than leaving this room. It’s accepting your gift and the responsibility of it, just as I have accepted my responsibility to you.” He gave her a meaningful look. “Do you understand?”

“Yes. I understand.” She was feeling ready to burst out of her skin, being so close to freedom. “Now get me the hell out of here.”

* * *

If Vers had thought leaving the confines of her hospital room would make her feel any better, she had been very mistaken. There hadn’t been windows there, just screens with simulated scenery, so she hadn’t been exposed to her actual surroundings yet. As she stepped into Hala for the first time, she felt even more lost than before. When Yon-Rogg took her out into the bustling city, she had stopped dead in her tracks.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of, Vers,” Yon-Rogg told her. “It’s just a city street.”

“I’m not afraid. It’s just…” She was looking around at all the flashing signs and letters scaling the length of the buildings. None of the words matched her mental alphabet. There was something incredibly alien about what she was looking at now. “I can’t read any of this.”

“What?”

“Nothing here looks familiar to me. There’s so much and I…I don’t recognize anything.”

“It’ll come back to you. Don’t let yourself worry about that right now. Control what you’re feeling.”

But she couldn’t control it. She couldn’t stop herself from feeling like she was flying full speed in the dark, not knowing what she was going to crash into. She had desperately hoped leaving the hospital room would finally ignite something in her memory, but the farther they walked, the stranger things seemed to get. Below the path where they were walking in warm sunshine, there was more city beneath them—levels extending into the ground beyond what she could easily see.

“Is this a…normal city?” Vers heard herself asking, feeling a little dizzy.

“Yes, of course,” Yon-Rogg said. “What’s off about it to you?”

“Why is there more city below us?”

“The different levels of Hala were designed to protect our people. The level we’re on, the top layer, is designed mostly for military and governmental purposes. Almost the entire populace resides below us.”

“So most of the city is underground?”

“No, not exactly. The levels are built up. The top functions like a shield.”

Vers looked towards the sky, squinting at the light. “How often do we get attacked?”

“More often than anyone would like, but nothing like it used to be. We’ve come a long way in the war, but it’s far from over.”

Vers didn’t let herself linger on the thought she was in a place so immersed in a war that an entire city, and maybe the entire planet, had to be structured around it. She tried to focus on something that wouldn’t trigger her anxiety right now, but nothing around her brought her any peace of mind. She felt like she should have recognized at least _ one _thing in the whole stretch of cityscape she was being guided through. But everywhere around her was a cataclysm of unfamiliar activity and sound and color that was trying to swallow her up. One thing was indistinguishable from the next and it was never-ending. It was overwhelming.

“I can’t do this,” she said. Face after face passed her. Were there always so many blue people? She tried to focus beyond the people, but that didn’t help. Even the traffic was wrong. She couldn’t remember what traffic was supposed to look like, but this was all _ wrong_. Were there always so many… _ spaceships _? Her hands started to tingle. “Yon-Rogg. Yon...”

He turned to look at her. When he saw her hands, he gently gripped her by the shoulders. “Vers. Listen to me. You are not going to lose control again today. Not with all these people around you. We’re almost where we need to be.”

“There’s too much going on. I can’t—”

“Focus on me,” his grip on her tightened, emphasizing his words. “Focus on me.”

She closed her eyes for a moment. In this darkness, there were no buildings she didn’t recognize, no blue people, no foreign signs, no threat from her buzzing hands. She could feel her lungs fill with air. She could feel Yon-Rogg’s hands on her.

“Ok.” She opened her eyes. “I’m ready.” 

Vers did as he told her to. Walking just slightly behind him, she tuned out everything else. If she saw only him, then everything that was happening around her didn’t matter. It was the next best thing to closing her eyes.

* * *

Yon-Rogg led her to the most ornate, breathtaking building she had seen so far. It was a center dedicated entirely to the Supreme Intelligence, although Vers couldn’t quite wrap her head around what the Supreme Intelligence actually _ was_. Yon-Rogg had told her, more than once, that it was their leader, but that it was not an actual person like she had assumed. The Supreme Intelligence was the downloaded wisdom of the greatest minds of the Kree ancestors. Vers didn’t understand why this concept felt so ridiculous to her. She had started to laugh the first time Yon-Rogg told her about it, but the look he gave her made her quiet herself.

“But what would the Supreme Intelligence want with me?” she asked. “I don’t get why we’re here.”

“Every Kree has a sacred relationship with the Supreme Intelligence. It is very important for you to commune with the Intelligence and find your purpose.”

“But if it’s not a person…how am I going to talk to it?”

“Don’t worry about that, Vers. You’ll understand everything soon enough.”

“You’re always so cryptic. Why can’t you just tell me what to expect? I’m meeting our leader, I don’t really want to fuck this up.”

“The experience is different for everyone. I cannot tell you exactly what to expect because I do not know what you will see when you commune with the Supreme Intelligence.”

“Why don’t we all just see the same thing?”

“You’ll understand when you’re speaking with the Intelligence. Seeing the form of the person you most respect and admire makes your experience very personal and inspires great loyalty. And under no circumstances are you to tell anyone who you see.”

“Right, right. It’s sacred. So is this going to be like going to confession or something?”

“What’s confession?”

“It’s…I don’t know…I think it’s religious? I can’t remember…”

“That doesn’t matter right now, Vers. Once you commune with the Supreme Intelligence, you’ll begin to understand your purpose here. Everything else will fall into place after that.”

“I sure hope so.”

“Trust me, Vers.”

He took her to the heart of the temple. A quiet reverence clung to the air like humidity within the opulent architecture. She got the feeling that she shouldn’t be talking much while she was here, like someone would pop around a corner to shush her. She followed Yon-Rogg to an alcove where he instructed her to stand, upturn her palms, and close her eyes.

“The Supreme Intelligence will flow over you and into you.”

“Gross.”

“Vers.”

“Sorry.”

“Remember to stay calm and not to resist anything. You’re safe here. And I’ll be waiting for you just outside.”

“Roger that.”

“What?”

Vers sighed. “Never mind.”

He left her alone then, and she closed her eyes. She felt something light trickle over her. She peeked her eyes open and saw what looked like silver veins traveling up her body. _ Remember to stay calm and not to resist anything. _ She closed her eyes again as the silver veins reached her neck and the base of her skull. A feeling unlike any other overcame her and she opened her eyes.

She wasn’t inside the temple anymore. She was…she had no idea where she was. It looked like a great white and silver expanse. She didn’t know if she was outside or inside, but the ceiling, or the sky, had punctures scattered all over it, letting ethereal streams of light dance through. She was standing on some kind of platform or island surrounded by silver water. The same light that shone from above started moving towards her, but it was changing as it grew closer. It became darker and more solid, and she soon recognized it as a person. A woman had taken shape right in front of her.

“Hello, Vers,” the woman said. She had short-cropped silver hair and stunning green eyes. Her presence commanded respect, but it didn’t make sense to Vers.

“Are you…?”

“Yes, I am the Supreme Intelligence. I’m glad we could finally meet. Yon-Rogg has told me a lot about you.”

“I’m sorry, but…aren’t I supposed to recognize you? Yon-Rogg said you should be someone I know.”

“I have taken the form of someone you greatly respect, but, given what has happened to you, it’s no surprise that you don’t recognize this person. Whoever this person was to you is buried deep within your mind.”

A spark lit in Vers. “If you can find this person in my mind, does that mean you can find the rest of my memories?”

“I’m afraid it doesn’t work like that,” the Supreme Intelligence said, its friendly voice tinged with sympathy. “This is the only strand of memory I have access to. From now on, I will not know anymore of your past than your own mind allows.”

“Oh.” The spark in Vers extinguished and she felt a renewed sense of hopelessness in its place. “So my past really is just gone.”

“But your future isn’t. I am here to guide your future for the good of all Kree, and for that, we do not need your past. We need who you are now.”

“How can I be of any use to Kree?”

“You already know we have gifted you with great power, Vers. Your responsibility is to use it for Kree.”

“But why me?”

“We saved you from the Skrull attack because we saw what great potential you could have in aiding us to win this war. You’re the only one who can wield this gift we have given you, but you must learn to use it and control it.”

“That’s what Yon-Rogg keeps telling me.”

“You must adhere to Yon-Rogg’s wisdom and guidance. I have chosen him to lead you because of how deeply his dedication to Kree runs. He has never failed me, and he will not fail you. He will help you become the best version of yourself, if you let him.”

Vers felt something familiar stirring inside her. Whoever she was, she wanted to be the best she could so she could help others. Serving Kree and helping to win the war against the Skrulls was a calling that resonated somewhere in her. She may not have known anything else about who she was, but this felt right to her.

“You feel some clarity now,” the Supreme Intelligence said, as if reading her thoughts. “You weren’t expecting Yon-Rogg to be right about this, but you can see now that we really do have a purpose for you, and that the purpose makes sense. Everything happens for a reason, Vers.”


	3. Captivation

Vers’s new life came to her easier than she had expected. Granted, the nuances of it weren’t simple, but overall she adjusted quickly. Yon-Rogg had been right about things coming back to her. Shortly after her first communication with the Supreme Intelligence, the Kree glyphs began to make sense to her and the structure of the city felt less daunting. And the Starforce routine was refreshingly straightforward—she found herself enjoying her training, especially when she had the chance to go flying. She felt a comforting familiarity in the joy that came when she was up in the air, in contrast to how fundamentally unfamiliar most things still seemed.

Her special powers continued to be the most difficult adjustment in this new life. Learning to control them was like learning to control when her face would flush—it was so tangled up in her instinctive emotions and core reactions. As he had promised, though, Yon-Rogg was helping her make progress.

Aside from her strange new abilities, everything else in her Starforce routine felt almost natural to her, and she couldn’t help but wonder if this was due to some military training in her past. Of course, she couldn’t prove that theory, and Yon-Rogg encouraged her not to dwell on it.

“The more you push into that empty space in your mind, the more discontent you’ll feel,” he said to her one day. “There’s nothing we can do about it, and the frustration will ultimately hinder you in moving forward. It will distract you from your duty.”

“Knowing who I was wouldn’t change who I am now. I would still serve Kree just the same. I think it would give me peace to know and make me a better soldier.”

He looked at her with such concern in his eyes. For him, mind over matter was a simple thing and putting himself into her mindset must have been difficult. Vers knew he wanted to reason with her, but she couldn’t ignore her discontent, no matter how hard she tried.

“Even if it would make you a better soldier,” he said, his tone growing softer, “there’s no way we can get your memories back to you. They’re gone.”

She had to turn away from him, then. She couldn’t stand to be spoken to like a sad child. She couldn’t stand feeling helpless, especially when it came to her own mind. Being reminded how out of her control it all was only frustrated and angered her. But she couldn’t let that show.

Yon-Rogg was the only person in her life that she felt any semblance of trust with during her first months on Starforce. The rest of her teammates were skeptical of this new recruit with fists that lit up. It didn’t take long for her powers to be appreciated, but she was all too aware that her personality took much more getting used to. And she sensed that not all of them appreciated how much attention Yon-Rogg gave to her training, either.

* * *

“You’d think with so much one-on-one time with the commander she’d know how to behave,” Minn-Erva was saying to another teammate one day at the shooting range. It was just within earshot, and Vers knew she had been meant to hear it.

“I’m not getting etiquette lessons from him, Minn-Erva,” Vers responded. “Clearly, having manners isn’t something everyone on this team values, anyway.”

“I don’t have to play nice with you,” Minn-Erva approached her. “I just have to know you can do your job as well as the rest of us.”

“I’ve never given you a reason to think otherwise.”

Minn-Erva looked her up and down. “Give it time.”

Vers was silent as Minn-Erva shoulder checked past her. Jaw clenched, Vers willed herself to stay calm. _ Control yourself_, came Yon-Rogg’s voice in her head. There was no use in pissing off someone who was inevitably going to be responsible for saving her life at some point out in the field.

“Don’t pay attention to her, Vers,” Att-Lass, the other teammate who had been present, came to her side. “She used to spend more time with Yon-Rogg until you came around, so this is just an adjustment for her. But she has a level head. She’ll warm up to you.”

“And you guys are always telling me I’m the emotional one,” Vers chided.

“Because you are,” Att-Lass said matter-of-factly, still smiling at her. “I don’t think that makes you any less of an asset to the team, though. It has its benefits.”

“My emotions have their benefits?” Vers snorted. “How?”

“You bring a different approach to things, you give us more angles to look at situations with.”

“Yon-Rogg doesn’t see it like that.”

“His job is to challenge you. But he does see that in you too; I don’t think he would keep you around if he didn’t.”

“I think you all keep me around just because I have the best sense of humor out of everyone.”

Att-Lass shrugged. “You haven’t heard Bron-Char tell any jokes yet.”

“I didn’t realize he knew how.”

“You’d be surprised.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

* * *

When Yon-Rogg had chosen to give his blood to Vers, he could not have anticipated her getting under _ his _skin the way she had. He had always been a focused and driven person, dedicated to every detail in the mission at hand, so it hadn’t surprised him when training Vers took a considerable portion of his time and energy. Like any other soldier, he wanted to build her to be what Kree deserved. He had trained others before her and would likely continue to train others after her. This task wasn’t foreign to him. It was maintaining her, the keeping of her and her mind, that overcame him.

His blood had made her biology Kree, yes, but finding the human parts of her and pressing them out gave him a satisfaction like none he had ever felt. He was constantly finding weaknesses in her, and he worked to smooth and flatten each one, until it was sleek and angled like the flawless Kree architecture across Hala. She was a new domain to shape and build on, and the changes he saw in her filled him with pride, so much so that he would allow himself to let his gaze linger over her, to admire her. Admiring her for the progress they were making was one thing, but he caught himself finding pleasure in her more persistent flaws.

He couldn’t stop her snide comments and he couldn’t stop her from wondering about her past or from maintaining habits that came from her former life. And while his goal was to craft her into something powerful and effective for the Kree people, he indulged her by allowing her to hold onto these simple human errs. Some may have called this a defeat or surrender on his part, but he did not see it that way.

What he was seeing was Vers—the Vers he wanted to create and the Vers he was captivated by. Above all of that though, he saw the Vers who trusted him completely. He saw the power radiating from her hands and he could sense the feeling growing inside her that she wanted to please him. He himself might not have had the power she possessed, but he held the next best thing.

“You have to concentrate.” These were words he said to her often, and he could practically feel her eyes roll when he said it, but she needed to hear it. “Feel the energy and where it’s coming from. Concentrate on that and channel it where you want it to be.”

“It’s coming from everywhere, I can’t pinpoint it.”

“Focus, Vers. Close your eyes and focus.”

She did as she was told. She wasn’t always great at taking orders, but she had her moments.

“What am I supposed to be focusing on?” she asked.

“The photon energy. Focus on where you want it to be.”

“It always comes out of my hands, we know that.” She opened her eyes. “I don’t have to think about that.”

He gave her a look and she closed her eyes again. “I want you to be able to feel the energy coming into your hands, and I want you to hold it there. Concentrate on stopping it.”

He watched her body tense and her eyebrows push together. Her fists were clenched and began to glow. The familiar buzzing sound came from her neck—he had fine-tuned his ears to recognize that sound anywhere. As she concentrated on her energy, he could feel his own veins coming alive alongside her.

“Can you feel it?” he said. “Is it where you want it to be?”

She didn’t say anything back, just clenched her fists harder. He stepped closer to her. The glow in her hands was pulsing, brighter and then dimmer, brighter, dimmer, brighter, brighter. The buzz grew louder. She was losing control. He stepped back just in time as the built-up photon energy burst from her hands.

“Fuck!” she yelled.

“Try again.”

* * *

Day after day, Vers had been rousing her photon energy to the surface, letting it build inside her without letting it escape. She felt as if she were taunting a great monster to unleash itself, while expecting it to stay back all the same. The efforts exhausted her, physically and mentally. Every time a blast of energy escaped without her consent, she felt an equal blast of failure in her gut.

But she kept pushing. It wasn’t enough for her to have this gift—she had to be able to control it. Until she could control it, she was a risk to everyone instead of the asset the Supreme Intelligence believed she could be. Every day, Yon-Rogg reminded her of her purpose, and every day she fought through the frustration and the exhaustion. Until one day, with sweat dripping down her forehead and her muscles straining to keep her standing, she felt the energy reach her hands and, finally, it stayed there.

“Vers,” she heard Yon-Rogg say. Her eyes were closed. “Vers, keep concentrating. You’re holding it steady.”

She kept her eyes closed. She didn’t want to open her eyes only to see the energy spill forth from her. But she could feel the energy in her hands, chomping at the bit to be let go. She imagined ribbons and ropes extending from her core and through her tendons to her hands. She tightened her muscles, and the constraints on her powers tightened too. Such an intricate pair or reins she had to hold onto. Every bone and muscle ached as she gripped onto the energy inside her. Her hands grew warmer with each passing second, and as the warmth grew she knew she had a hold on it.

“I’m doing it,” she said, opening her eyes. Her hands were steadily glowing, under control. She smiled.

“Good, good,” Yon-Rogg smiled too, and though he wouldn’t say it yet, she could tell he was proud of her. “Keep holding it there.”

Knowing she had harnessed the power gave her an adrenaline boost at last. The aching throughout her body was dulled against the heat in her fists. She lifted her hands.

“Now bring it back in,” Yon-Rogg said.

Pulling the energy back into her core felt less like pulling on ropes and ribbons and more like pulling the tide back in. She didn’t know how to grip onto that. As soon as she started to relinquish the control she had been using to keep the powers steady, she slipped and the tide overcame her.

“Try it again. Now that you know you can hold it, forcing it back in will be easier. Concentrate.”

She resumed her concentration. Her training that day took on a brightness that went beyond the glow in her hands. She had been able to hold the power in place again and again, and the way Yon-Rogg smiled at her made her shiver with joy. She was finally showing that she could be the asset the Supreme Intelligence believed she could be. She was going to be able to pull the powers back into herself, and once she had that mastered, there were no limits to what she could do with her gift.

“I told you it would be just like learning to use any other weapon,” Yon-Rogg said. “It’s all about learning to work with it before it’s any use.”

“It feels like building a muscle, too. It’s a whole part of me I’m learning how to use.”

“That’s a good observation,” he said. “Every soldier’s body is a weapon, and the more you know how to use it, the more valuable you are. This is true for you more than most. Being in tune with your body is crucial.”

“I think I’m getting there. I’m understanding more what it is I need to do.”

“Good. We’ll keep practicing and get your body to where it needs to be.”

Vers nodded. Yon-Rogg smiled, and patted her shoulder. It was a simple form of physical contact, but it stirred something in her. This wasn’t a touch that was meant to draw her away from the panic she had felt so often during her first days after her accident, nor was it a touch that was used as a practical tool to guide her in her training. It was a touch meant to tell her that he was pleased with her, that her success meant something to him.

She felt herself flushing from her cheeks to her abdomen.

When he removed his hand and they walked out of the training center together, she could still feel his touch on her shoulder. She scratched the offending area where the sensation was loitering, and that helped the feeling go away.

But the relief came too late. A new feeling had taken hold in her gut when she looked at Yon-Rogg now. She wanted him to touch her like that again. And that frightened her more than her powers.

* * *

Yon-Rogg’s fists flew at Vers’s face, and she ducked. He went in for her again, but he missed. Vers had started to gain enough control over her gifts for it to be safe to start focusing on other areas of training, and as Yon-Rogg had told her before, he wanted her to be completely in tune with her body, so hand-to-hand sparring became a primary exercise for them. Vers was surprised at how challenging the sessions were, but she was getting better every day...and enjoying herself.

As she ducked and jumped away from his advances now, she caught herself smiling. The way she was beginning to predict his movements sparked a burst of confidence in her, and for a moment she swore she saw a look of approval cross his face as he took another swing.

“I’m getting good at this,” she said. “I’ll have you on your ass any day now at this rate.”

“Don’t be too sure, Vers. Pride comes before the fall.”

“Whose fall? Yours or mine?”

And then, as if he knew she was going to say that, he swept her feet from under her, causing her to crash down onto her stomach. He was on top of her, he had a grip on her arms and pulled them tight behind her back.

“Yours, apparently,” he said. “Again.”

“Alright, I get it.” She wriggled, but he tightened his grip.

“Do you? I think if you really got it, you wouldn’t be the one pinned to the floor right now.”

“Or maybe I just like having you on top of me.” The words came out before she could stop herself. 

She felt his grip on her loosen, perhaps caught off guard, then it tightened again. He was silent for a moment too long before letting her go and standing up.

“That’s enough for today,” he said.

Vers squinted in confusion—they never stopped fighting this abruptly. She stood herself up. “We barely started.”

“And yet it was enough for now. Go clean yourself up.” He waved her off and started walking away. She followed him.

“Not even one more spar?”

Without warning, he turned around and grabbed her by the arm, twisted her around so her arm was caught up between her back and his chest. She could feel his breath on her neck as he said, “You should never let your guard down.”

And so they kept fighting. There was a strange tension that lingered, making their movements seem slower, somehow more intentional.

_ Or maybe I just like having you on top of me. _

Her words floated between each blow they exchanged, and she hoped he wasn’t thinking about it as much as she was. If he was, he didn’t say anything; he just knocked her down again, the weight of his touch heavier and sharper than it had been before she misspoke.

“You’re distracted,” he said. “Clear your mind and focus.”

“I’m not distracted,” she lied.

* * *

During the rest of their training that day, Yon-Rogg had made a decision to ignore Vers’s odd sexual comment. There was no point in lingering on anything she said, especially during a fight when her emotions and her sarcasm were running on high. Still, he couldn’t help but notice the way she averted her eyes from him as they continued to spar. The comment had been more than a snide remark. She had revealed something more personal than either of them was expecting to hear.

_ Or maybe I just like having you on top of me. _

The comment was distracting him, he knew that, but he willed it not to. It was just the same as when he willed himself not to admire the curve of her hip when she moved or the spark in her eyes when she teased him. He didn’t let himself overthink the fact that he liked the sound of her heavy breathing when he had her held against him in a fight. He brushed it off when he found his eyes drawn to her from across the room.

Yes, he was attracted to her, but he had had attractions before that didn’t mean anything to him. This was just another meaningless attraction. An attraction he would not let himself act on. It would fade, like the others, and then he would never think about it again.

_ Or maybe I just like having you on top of me. _

She was attracted to him, too. That’s what the comment meant. When he pulled her body against his, she had thought about it in another context. She had perhaps thought about it when they weren’t together. It was so prominent in her mind that her desire for him slipped out when she had meant to be sardonic. She couldn’t control herself, but he knew himself better. He had to stop thinking about this.

_ Or maybe I just like— _

No. No, he had replayed the moment too many times in his mind already. If he didn’t get a hold of himself soon, he would be succumbing to distractions, like her. With a swift movement, he knocked her down again, and held her there.

“You’re distracted,” he said. “Clear your mind and focus.”

“I’m not distracted.”

He let her go. His back was to her as he walked across the mats, but he could feel her watching him and imagine the flush in her cheeks as her chest rose and fell. His blood was as warm as hers, and he knew if he touched her again right now, he wouldn’t be able to clear it from his mind.

* * *

When Yon-Rogg ended their sparring for the second time that day, she didn’t say anything, she just mentally kicked herself for being so unguarded. The more she thought about her comment, the more she reeled with the realization that she had essentially announced she had a crush on him. And he wasn’t an idiot, not by a long shot, so of course he had understood her. The fact that he didn’t acknowledge it only made it worse.

She had hoped things would go back to normal with time, but she only felt more awkward over the days that followed. She felt the weight of her comment in every interaction with Yon-Rogg. It was in their steps when they ran side by side, it was in the orders he gave her in front of the rest of the team, it was in his hand on her back when he told her to focus at the shooting range.

“I can’t focus when you’re touching me,” she said, and she meant it as a statement of fact, but she immediately cringed upon saying it.

“Whether or not I’m touching you shouldn’t matter if you’re focused on your task.”

She tightened her jaw, tried to ignore him, and took aim. She hit the target and he removed his hand from her back.

“I’m more focused than you think,” she said, turning to face him.

“Don’t get too cocky.”

Vers raised an eyebrow. “Of all the weird shit I say, that’s the word you pick up on?”

Yon-Rogg shrugged. “You have no one but yourself to blame for that.”

“Sure I don’t, Commander.”

“You really shouldn’t say my title like that.”

She stepped closer to him, her shoulders squared and her chest inches from his. “Shouldn’t say your title like what, Commander?”

“Vers…”

“Sorry, Commander.”

He was holding back a grin. Neither of them was stepping down from the other—it was a friendly interaction, but they couldn’t ignore the implied challenge. He was looking her in the eye, and for a moment his gaze flicked to her mouth. She parted her lips, a sassy quip on the tip of her tongue, and she swore he leaned in closer.

“Ahem,” a third party cleared their throat and Yon-Rogg stepped away from Vers. She could feel a flush creeping up her neck despite herself as she turned to see Att-Lass.

“Vers. Commander.” Att-Lass tilted his head in acknowledgement of his superior officer.

“That’s how you say my title, Vers.” Yon-Rogg gave her a look and she rolled her eyes. If Att-Lass was confused, he didn’t show it. Her teammates had generally grown to accept the unique relationship she had with Yon-Rogg, but _ unique _didn’t quite cover the exchange Att-Lass had walked in on.

“Well, you seem to have your target practice in hand,” Yon-Rogg said to her, with an authoritative tone clearly meant for Att-Lass. “Now if you’ll both excuse me, I have some more matters that need my attention.”

Vers watched Yon-Rogg walk away and caught herself enjoying the outline of his figure. She blinked and turned her attention to Att-Lass, who was prepping his gun next to her.

“I’m glad I ran into you here today, Vers,” he said to her.

“Really?”

“I thought of some sniper tips that you might be interested in and could help you next time you’re in the field.”

“Bring it on.”

Att-Lass was the best sniper on the team right after Minn-Erva, so she was happy to learn anything from him he had to offer. Plus, she liked him better than Minn-Erva, so letting him teach her wasn’t an assault to her ego.

They spent some time going over new techniques, and it successfully distracted Vers from any thoughts of Yon-Rogg. By the time they were putting away their guns, she felt as if she were spending time with someone she could have simply had a friendship with if they hadn’t been teammates.

“Do you have plans for the rest of your evening, Vers?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary.”

“Well, the team’s all going to the pleasure center tonight.”

“The pleasure center?” Vers snorted.

“Come on, don’t act like you’ve never gone.”

“I have no idea if I’ve ever been, actually.”

“Right, I supposed you wouldn’t.” He paused. “So, what do you say? Care to join us? Starforce members get special treatment.”

“Is this a normal group outing thing to do?”

Att-Lass shrugged. “It’s not uncommon. Maintaining relationships while serving can be difficult, so we encourage each other to relieve tension this way. It helps to keep everyone on the team a bit more agreeable.”

“So we all go have sex at the same time and this boosts morale and doesn’t make anyone feel awkward at all?”

“Why would it make anyone feel awkward?”

“I…I don’t know…it just feels like it would be awkward.” Vers sifted through her brain for a rationale behind this. “None of this feels, I don’t know…taboo to you?”

“What’s taboo?”

“That’s not a normal word?”

Att-Lass shook his head.

Vers groaned, wracking her brain for a definition, then came across one. “It’s something you don’t talk about. Something…improper or forbidden or...I don’t know, it’s just taboo. You keep it to yourself.”

Att-Lass smiled at her. “That’s so archaic. I hope your memory comes back to you someday, just so you can tell us where you get all these crazy ideas from.”

“You and me both.”

There was a moment of silence. “So did you want to join us?”

“No, I think I’ll pass this time.”

“Alright. Well, that was a good session. I’ll see you later.”

* * *

The exchange with Att-Lass left Vers feeling restless and muddled. She kept tapping her fingers against her thigh as her mind raced through the connotations of the conversation. This wasn’t the first time her “crazy ideas” had been laughed off like some cute quirk. She never knew when she was going to say something _ off _that brought her back to the day she woke up remembering nothing. She was tired of reliving that moment.

Her restless energy was building up and she could hear the chip in her neck starting to buzz.

“No, no, no, no, no,” she said under her breath. The last thing she needed was for her powers to flare up because she couldn’t handle her own emotions again. She needed to get herself under control. Without much thought, she headed out of her apartment. As her feet moved and she focused on her destination, the buzzing calmed. It was nearly silent by the time she knocked on Yon-Rogg’s door.

“Good evening, Vers,” he greeted her as he opened the door.

“Are you going to invite me in?” she said. 

He stepped aside and she entered. His apartment was superior to hers in terms of the amount of space allocated to him. He had a formal sitting area that she couldn’t imagine him actually relaxing in, whereas her apartment was mostly a bedroom. Like her, he didn’t have many personal belongings, but he did dedicate a small portion of his seating room to the display of his Starforce medals and memorabilia. Per their Starforce training, the apartments were clean and sensibly organized. But his place still felt more structured than hers, like the inanimate objects all stood to his attention. Somehow, being in this place that was all him calmed her down.

Yon-Rogg followed her to the sitting area. “Is everything alright?”

“Oh, everything’s perfect. Just needed to get out and stretch my legs. Thought I’d stop by and say hi.” Vers made herself at home on his couch.

“You just wanted to stop by and say hi?” He remained standing and looked down at her, skeptical. “You couldn’t wait to knock on my door at dawn like you always do?”

“I thought you would appreciate a change in schedule.”

“What’s going on, Vers?”

She considered what she should say, then decided to go straight for it, “Do you ever go with the team to the pleasure center?”

“What?”

She had caught him off guard; conversations were about the only time she could do that to him.

“You heard me.” She smirked at him and he shook his head.

“No, I don’t. The team doesn’t need their commander chaperoning them to the pleasure center.”

“Yeah, but if it boosts morale…”

“Why are we talking about this?”

“Att-Lass invited me to go with them tonight.”

“And you declined?”

“Obviously.”

Yon-Rogg nodded slightly, pursing his lips together. There was something he wanted to say, but he wasn’t saying it. She let him mull over his thought for a moment, and he sat down next to her. “You know there’s no shame in going if you wanted to.”

Vers shrugged. “Feels kinda weird.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, something to do with my past probably.”

“Vers…”

“I know, I know. _ Let go of your past, Vers_. But it’s hard when I have these things that seem embedded in who I am that are so against what’s expected here. If it’s completely ok to just casually go to a pleasure center with your teammates, then why do I feel so…disturbed by it?”

“Sex disturbs you?”

His question felt oddly personal, like he was genuinely concerned. She suddenly remembered the way he had looked at her lips earlier that day. The silence between them became tense.

“No,” she finally said, brushing aside her feelings from earlier, “that’s not what I’m saying. Sex is fine, pretty sure I know how to do it, but like everything else in my life, I can’t be too certain. But that’s beside the point. What I’m saying is that the idea of having casual sex while a bunch of people you know are also having casual sex in the same vicinity feels like it should be…I don’t know, something I should be ashamed of. But you all shrug it off like it’s a normal Friday night.”

“Friday night?”

Vers put her head in her hands. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m so confused all the time.”

“_This _ is why you do need to let go of your past. The more you try to force these things to make sense, the more you are going to confuse and distract yourself. The life you are living now is what matters. There’s nothing we can do to get your past back. Accept that not everything is going to make sense, then you can move on.”

“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one with all these conflicting feelings and crazy ideas battering around in your head. When I say things that confuse everyone else, they confuse me even more. It’s like I have this whole other person inside me, and I have no idea how to just let her go. I wish I could, but she’s constantly there.”

Yon-Rogg observed her, silent, as she spoke. She could already tell he thought she was being too emotional, as usual, and she already felt embarrassed about it—which was just _ another _way of being emotional, she knew. 

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”

“It’s alright, Vers. I’m glad you came to me.”

“Come on.”

“No, I really am. You cannot possibly tackle all of this on your own. It says a great deal that your first action when facing emotional distress is to come to me, as you should. You’re learning how to handle this the right way. I can help guide you through this.”

“I’m not really sure if that was a compliment to me or just you congratulating yourself…”

“Perhaps it was both. We’re in this together.”

Vers felt he was being sincere, so she fought back the urge to retort with something sassy. After all, they really were in this together. His blood was the reason she was even alive right now, and he had given himself completely over to her training and well-being. He wanted her to be the best she could be, and he had her back when she wasn’t at her best. She knew it was all out of his sense of duty to Kree, but still, despite herself, his commitment to her was attractive. Commitment and other things.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Yon-Rogg asked.

“Like what?” Vers tilted her head and raised her eyebrows, trying to hide the fact that she had been ogling him. “I’m not even looking at you.”

“Just when I thought I got you to be serious…”

“No such luck.” She sighed and then did her best to look him in the eye. “Ok, so I’ll be serious for a moment. Thank you. You’ve done a lot for me. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.”

“Am I hearing you correctly? “

“Hey, you wanted me to be serious. You need to cherish this moment.”

“You’re right. Forgive me.” He maintained eye contact with her, and she could feel herself flushing. They were right back where they were at the shooting range.

“Yon,” she said, “I really respect you. More than anyone. I don’t think I’ve ever…felt…this close to someone.”

It was strange, how fast her heart was suddenly beating. She was being genuine with him right now, and it made her feel both vulnerable and daring. There was something tangible growing in the air around them, a magnetic moment waiting for the right push. She didn’t know if he could feel it too, but the way he leaned a little closer to her made her think he was having a hard time fighting the pull.

“Vers,” the way he said her name was a push away from her, but she didn’t want to lose the moment. She reached for him, closed the space between them. Her lips were on his before she could comprehend that she had actually acted. He kissed her back so instantly, so responsively, as if he had been hungry for her. His hands found her waist and pulled her to him as quickly as she had initiated their contact.

His grip on her was firm, like he had been waiting to grasp her and wouldn’t let go now. She pulled herself onto his lap, and his hands moved under the back of her shirt. She grabbed one of his hands and moved it to the front, eliciting a moan when he squeezed her breast. The sound made him pause.

“What are we doing, Vers?”

“What does it look like?” 

She kissed him again to stop him from saying anything else. If either of them tried to answer his question, then this might stop. She didn’t want this to stop. She wanted to have this whole, complete moment with him. Her body knew what she wanted and her mind was leaving her alone for once. She didn’t need a past to have this right now. All she needed was for Yon-Rogg to keep touching her, she needed to keep feeling his mouth on her mouth, on her neck, on her collarbone. She had taken his shirt off and when she took hers off too, his body felt warm and solid against her.

Beneath her he was growing hard, and she pressed her hips into him, encouraging him. He moaned her name and grabbed the back of her hair, making her gasp. She started to become aware of the buzzing on her neck; it grew louder the more she ground her hips into his. His mouth was on her breast, his tongue circling her nipple. The chip on her neck was practically vibrating.

She shoved him hard against the couch. She stood and stared into his eyes as she started to slip her pants off. Breathless, he did the same, then pulled her back down to him. When he guided himself into her, she closed her eyes and sighed. Her breath was caught in her throat and she rocked against him and with him, encouraging him to hold on tightly to her, until his hold on her hurt.

“Vers,” he said. “Your hands.”

Her hands were on his back and when she brought them up, she saw they were glowing. She laughed. “You really turn me on.”

“What?”

“You know…my hands are lit up and we’re—you know what, never mind.”

“You’re so strange.” 

Without warning, he grabbed her and flipped her onto her back. He held her hands over her head and she arched herself up towards him, letting him thrust into her. When he let go of her hands, she dug her fingers into his back. The heat pulsating through her hands made him wince, but then he pushed into her harder, more determined. She could feel her veins glowing. She let herself be taken by the electric waves he was creating in her.

When she came, she realized this was the first time he hadn’t told her to control herself.

* * *

“You’re pretty rough in the sack,” Vers said, still lying back on the couch as Yon-Rogg stood, pulling his pants on. “I think I feel a couple bruises.”

He turned to look at her, raised an eyebrow. His back was red with hand shaped splotches. “You’re one to talk.”

She still couldn’t believe he had allowed her to use her powers. “You could have taken them away if you weren’t into it. You’ll be fine by the morning, anyway. I was gentle with you.”

“Of course you were.” He picked up her shirt and tossed it to her. “You should get dressed.”

The impersonal tone of his words caught her off guard and she suddenly became self conscious of her naked body. She pulled her shirt on and then he handed her pants to her.

“You do understand that this stays between us?” Yon-Rogg was watching her get dressed as casually as if she were suiting up for a Starforce mission. “The rest of the team doesn’t need to know.”

“I know,” she said, casting her eyes away from him. “I wasn’t even thinking about—”

“I’m not saying you were going to divulge this to anyone, I just want to make sure you know that it’s in your best interests to keep this from them.”

“I thought sex wasn’t a big deal to anyone on the team.”

“It is when it’s the commander and a subordinate. It’s not standard, and it could have serious ramifications.”

His use of the word “subordinate” stung her. It wasn’t like she didn’t know that she was his subordinate on Starforce, but she didn’t think he had been thinking of her in that way when they had been fucking. Him reminding her of their ranks put this whole situation into a humiliating light. A subordinate giving in to a crush on a superior officer felt like the oldest dupe in the book. 

She mulled this all over and finally said, “Then why sleep with me in the first place?”

He squinted at her. “Sleep?”

“Seriously?” She groaned and threw her hands up. “Why have sex with me?”

He sighed. “You and I…we have a much deeper connection than any of the others.”

“I’d hope so, your dick was just inside me.” He gave her a look and she shrugged. “Well, it was.”

“Promise me you will not let your emotions get the best of you on this.”

“Of course they won’t.”

“Good, because this changes nothing with us. We still have the same relationship.”

“So we have to pretend that this never happened?”

“Around everyone else, yes.”

“And when we’re not around everyone else?”

“This is just another facet to our relationship, Vers. The attraction between us is natural, and acting on it isn’t wrong. If I weren’t your commander, things would be different.”

“But you are, so here we are.” Vers nodded, fighting an uncomfortable feeling in her gut. “I understand, Commander.”

* * *

What Vers wanted to do the next day was to take her morning run alone. She had been replaying last night over and over in her head, and each time she got a little more frustrated. 

It was so easy for him to just fuck her and then tell her to get dressed and keep this a secret. She didn’t expect to get a cuddle and breakfast in bed from Yon-Rogg, but she also hadn’t expected a lecture immediately after having sex. She really didn’t want to see him right now and possibly face another lecture. But if she avoided him, then that would just mean she was letting her emotions dictate her actions and he was right about her. She couldn’t let him be right, so she ran to his apartment.

“I thought you wouldn’t come,” he said as he answered the door.

“Why wouldn’t I come?” She maintained eye contact, fighting the urge to look away. “Are you running with me to the training center today or is it too early for you?”

“Give me a moment,” he said. He stepped into his apartment, keeping the door open for her, but she stayed outside. A moment later, he was back at the door, dressed for training.

They took up stride together, the way they did most mornings. She kept her eyes focused ahead of her. Her feet hit the pavement in a satisfying rhythm, which was disturbed only by the sound of his feet hitting the pavement beside hers. His breathing seemed louder than it had ever been. She really wanted to be running alone.

When they reached the training center, the end mark of their morning runs, they stopped to stretch. She kept her back to him.

“What’s bothering you, Vers?” he said, stepping into her field of vision.

“Nothing.” She stretched down to touch her toes, holding the stretch longer than necessary.

“Vers.”

“Yon-Rogg.” She finally looked at him. He sighed.

“You’re not acting normal, Vers.”

“Since when have I ever acted normal?”

“We can go somewhere private to talk, if you feel that it’s necessary.”

“Nope.” She started walking inside the training center, and said over her shoulder, “The only thing that’s necessary right now is for me to get on those mats and kick your ass.”

* * *

She did not end up kicking his ass, but rather had her ass handed to her once again. Still, the punches and kicks she did manage to get in felt good, almost therapeutic. By the end of their sparring session, she felt better about Yon-Rogg in general, even if she still lost to him. He fought her just the same as he had every single day leading up to last night. Maybe nothing had changed.

It only hurt her pride a little when she said to him, “Sorry for being weird earlier.”

“So I was right about the way you were acting.”

“I’m apologizing now, no need to rub it in anymore. I’ll take it back.”

“I was making an observation, not rubbing it in.”

“Sure you were.”

As they walked out of the sparring area, his hand touched the small of her back. He held it there for a moment and said, close to her, “In case it wasn’t clear, you should know I enjoyed last night.”

“You could’ve said that last night.”

“I’m saying it now.” He took up his pace so he was ahead of her. She watched, or perhaps admired, his form as he moved away. The fact that he let her know that last night hadn’t just been a secret, but an enjoyable secret put a bit of confidence into her step. She caught herself grinning and quickly tried to wipe it off her face before anyone could notice.

* * *

Yon-Rogg was rarely nervous when facing the Supreme Intelligence. But now, he felt an uncomfortable twinge of uncertainty. He tried to push it away in favor of confidence in his recent decisions. As the veins of silver travelled up his body, he inhaled, ready to face his actions.

“Well, this is interesting,” the Supreme Intelligence looked at Yon-Rogg with a smirk in its eyes, the same eyes that Yon-Rogg stared back at it with. He had always seen a version of himself in these meetings.

“She pursued me.” Yon-Rogg felt unusually defensive now that he was quite literally face-to-face with himself. “She needed something from me and I let her take it. It was simple. Nothing has been risked.”

“I have not accused you of taking unnecessary risks here,” the Supreme Intelligence said, unnervingly calm. “You did what you had to, although we both know it was more than that. You were eager to give her what she wanted.”

“I would hardly say eager is the right word.”

“What then? Would you rather me phrase it a little more crudely?”

“No…no, of course, you’re right. I’ve let myself become…weak.”

"Is it weakness to take what you want and enjoy it?"

“It’s a distraction.”

“No, Yon-Rogg, this was the assignment. You were tasked with gaining her trust and maintaining it. You are to know everything she does, before she even does it. This is the ideal situation for us. She may have been reborn Kree, but she is still very human. Her decision, as a human, to have sex with you, tells us that she trusts you on every level.”

“But her human emotions. How is this going to help us keep those level?”

“Reassure her that this isn’t romantic; use this as another tool to train her. Her sexual experiences as Kree are part of her learning what it means to be Kree. We’re lucky these experiences are with you and not someone at the pleasure centers.”

“And if she does decide to start seeking pleasure elsewhere?”

The Supreme Intelligence considered this. “And here’s why this is interesting: you are having, should we say, emotional difficulties with this.”

“I don’t follow.”

“Oh, Commander. You know better than to lie to me.” There was silence, the Supreme Intelligence looked at Yon-Rogg expectantly. “You cannot reconcile your attraction to her with yourself. You were hoping she would choose you, and you couldn’t stand to watch her go to someone else now. But this bothers you. Why?”

“Because she’s human.”

“Not entirely.”

“Enough of her is human.”

“But part of her is you.”

Yon-Rogg looked at the face of himself, the face he most trusted. He didn’t know how many other people saw themselves in the Supreme Intelligence. It had been a surprise at first, but it quickly made sense to him that he could only rely on himself for what was most important. Any decision that had led him anywhere in life had always been his, not swayed or manipulated by anyone else. The Supreme Intelligence had seen that in him, just as it was now seeing this.

“You already know that the best parts of her are from you. If you find her humanity appealing to you, it’s only because of how novel it is right now. And while her human side may be her biggest flaw, it will guarantee her dependence on you. In time, with your guidance, she will be molded into the perfect tool for us. She’ll be loyal to you, she’ll have your imparted wisdom, and that will make her willing to do anything we ask of her. Any power she has will be used for the good of all Kree, because of you.”


	4. Reliance

It was early in the morning, much too early for most of the city’s inhabitants to be out and about, but Vers was up and on her way to Yon-Rogg. She couldn’t sleep. Every time she closed her eyes she saw her blood-covered hands and a Skrull aiming his gun at her.

The dream had started plaguing her consistently over the past week. She kept waking up with heated fists, but she had been able to subdue the feeling on her own. It wasn’t until today, when the dream had woken her again and it took her longer than normal to calm herself that she had finally done what she wanted to do every time before.

She hadn’t been inside Yon-Rogg’s apartment since the night they slept together. Even though their relationship continued to play out like it always had, Vers was hesitant to show how much she actually wanted to be around him. She didn’t want her reliance on his support to come off as a desire for intimacy. She wanted to prove how unemotional she could be. 

She took a breath and knocked on his door. It took a moment for him to answer—the sun was only just starting to rise, and they didn’t have any assignments today, so she knew he would be sleeping. When he answered the door, he was disheveled and slightly disoriented from sleep.

“Vers?” He was trying to hide his surprise, but his body tensed and stood straighter when he saw her. “Is everything ok?”

“I just can’t sleep. I’m awake.”

“I can see that. You do know that most of us aren’t usually awake yet.”

“You know how I am.”

“This is early even for you. Why don’t you try a sleeping tab?”

“I don’t know, I think I’d rather be awake.”

“You have to get enough sleep if you’re going to—”

“Yeah, yeah—if I’m going to be an effective soldier.”

Yon-Rogg sighed, but she could see his body relax now. She could see more of his body than she was used to seeing. He must have thrown on his robe before answering the door, but he hadn’t cared enough to pull it shut. 

“But why did you come here?” he asked. “What’s really going on?”

Vers could feel her chest get tight at the memory of the dream. She didn’t know why, but telling Yon-Rogg about it was discomforting. She knew she was supposed to be vulnerable with him, but telling him about her dreams felt almost…childish.

“Can I come in?” she asked, her voice smaller than she had intended. He stepped aside for her and she was quickly reminded of the last time she was here. She walked inside, glanced at the couch, cleared her throat and looked away from it. When she turned back to him, she caught him looking away from the couch too.

Naturally, she had to say something awkward.

“How many times have you had sex on that couch before?”

“Vers…” He gave her a look that expressed how much he did not appreciate her sense of humor.

“I’m just saying that it’s a pretty formal looking area and I’m wondering now exactly what its purpose is. Do you like to impress people with your Starforce medals and use that to your advantage?”

“Is that what you wanted to come in for? To ask me about where I have sex in my apartment? Because if so, I think I’ll just go back to sleep.”

“No, no, that’s not why I came in. I’m sorry.”

“Ok. So tell me what’s going on.”

“I don’t know, I just…” she sighed. “Do you ever have dreams about battles you fought or missions you went on?”

“Sometimes. But they’re just dreams.” He paused. “Are you having dreams about missions?”

“No…” she hesitated, but there was no way around sharing her dream at this point. “I’ve been having dreams about the Skrull attack that took my memory.”

“Is it just the attack or do you dream about anything else?”

“It’s just the attack. But it’s been every single night for the past week and it’s so vivid. It’s like I’m right back there whenever I close my eyes. And when I wake up…my hands are in fists and they’re lit up.”

“I know you hate hearing this, but you need to find a way to let go of your past, and that includes the memory of the attack.”

She laughed dryly. “I _ want _ to forget the attack, but I can’t exactly control what I’m dreaming.”

“No, you can’t, but perhaps we can channel your emotions from the attack into something productive. Use that anger and that fear to drive you to _ defeat _the Skrulls that did this to you. Don’t let them make you feel helpless, but instead focus on a Kree victory against them. You’re not the only one who has faced loss at their hands. As a member of Starforce, you’re in a position to do something about it.”

Vers nodded. “I guess I can try to redirect my thoughts that way. I’ll work on it.”

“We’ll work on it together.”

She gazed at him, her chest swelling with admiration and the comfortable feeling of not being completely alone. He placed a hand on her shoulder, gave it a firm squeeze, and grinned at her.

“Now, since I’m up, why don’t we go to the training center and refocus your mind.”

All she could do was nod again.

“I’ll put on a shirt,” he said, “and then we can leave.”

She felt the slightest disappointment when he removed his hand. He walked to his wardrobe and she kept her back to him. A feeling was growing inside her, rooting from her abdomen and branching to her limbs and brain. The feeling told her that if she waited any longer, she would lose the moment. She didn’t have anything else to lose, so she followed the feeling and turned towards him.

He was standing in front of his wardrobe, which was more of a panel in the wall, and had taken off his robe. His bare back was now completely devoid of any marks from her glowing hands, but she was tingling with the memory of it anyway. She cleared her throat. He turned to look at her and raised an eyebrow.

“Yes?” he said.

“You know, we don’t have to go to the training center yet. If you don’t want to.”

She started to move closer to him. The way his gaze clung to her told her that he knew what she wanted, but he was letting her take the initiative. She was a breath away from him, and she touched her fingertips to his chest. She traced her fingers from his chest down to his stomach, to the waistband of his pants. She gripped the waistband and jerked him closer. His hands caught her waist and she tilted her face up towards his. His lips grazed hers, his breath was warm, but she pulled her head back.

For a moment she looked at him, savoring the feeling of his hands eagerly holding onto her waist and his mouth ready to seek hers. Then she brought her lips to his neck, planting slow, deliberate kisses across his skin. She liked the way his breathing quickened as she moved her lips down to his collarbone and chest. She lowered her body, trailing kisses down his stomach. She was on her knees. She had barely started to tug at his pants when he grabbed her wrists.

He forced her back to her feet, his fingers digging into her wrists. His mouth was hot next to her ear as he said, “You’re the one who needs your mind cleared right now.”

He let go of her wrists, and she gasped as he grabbed her crotch with the same forcefulness he had used to pull her up. Then he kissed her and parted her lips with his tongue. He slid his hand into her pants and his fingers pressed inside of her. The immediacy of his movements made heat bloom within her and she was breathless before she knew it. She pushed herself to her tiptoes and leaned into him. The heat in her was rising, rising—

Using the hand that was inside her, he shoved her away. She stumbled back, and the fall would have been hard if it hadn’t been onto his bed. Vers was rattled, but not for long. He was taking off her shoes and then pulling down her pants. She lifted her hips to help her pants slide off easier and then he was knelt before her, kissing her thighs. The heat was rising in her again as he pulled her towards him, so his mouth was between her legs, his tongue inside her. She gripped the sheets of his bed and closed her eyes.

“Fuck,” she moaned as his tongue circled her clit and his hands gripped her thighs. His mouth on her was determined, unrelenting. Her toes were curling and she started to sweat, but soon all she could feel was him and the great swelling and soaring orchestrating in her veins. She barely felt real.

“Yon—oh my god—fuck! _ Fuck_!”

He stopped and she opened her eyes; her body was still quivering. He was standing, taking off his pants, and then he grabbed her legs and yanked her hips up to his, entering her with a shocking pressure as she groaned and bit her lip. He held onto her thighs, pulling her to him as he penetrated her over and over. She was glowing. Her legs wrapped around his waist. She reached for his hands and his grip on her loosened for a second with the jolt from the heat radiating through her. But then he held her harder and the force with which he pressed into her became painful.

And she liked it.

What little part of her she still had control over, she focused into her hands. They grew hotter and hotter and his touch grew rougher and rougher until he couldn’t stand the heat and flinched his hands away from her. Then, with her legs still wrapped around his waist, she forced him close to her, and when he fell on top of her, she flipped them over so she was on top of him.

She pressed him down, her hands on his chest, burning into him. He moaned and winced, but he was still hard, still responding readily.

“Vers,” her name came out of his mouth like a prayer, like the name of a goddess. It made her tremble and it made her feel powerful over him.

She arched her back and tilted her head towards the ceiling, holding onto his legs for support. His hands found their way up to her stomach and under her shirt to massage her breasts. She tugged her shirt up over her head and tossed it aside. Sitting up, he pressed his hands against the small of her back, pressing her into him, his mouth on her neck.

“Lay back again,” the words were a breath into his ear and he complied. He was glistening with sweat and completely at her whim, taken by her. She had never seen him submit so easily. She smiled and threw her head back again, losing herself to this new dynamic, this new sensation, and letting everything else dissolve around her.

* * *

Sleeping together once had been impulsive. Sleeping together twice had still been impulsive, but it had brought their mutual attraction into clear focus. It made touching each other a temptation they were happy to indulge. They found more reasons to spend time alone. The intensity from their first two times together hadn’t subsided; if anything it became a standard for this new phase in their relationship. Every touch they exchanged was heated, every spar was charged with the promise of more contact later.

And she liked that he fucked her the same way he fought her, like there was something to prove. When they were fighting, there was a need for her to step up and overcome him, to constantly push for something that felt impossible, to finally show him she knew what she was doing.

But when they were like this, she liked being overcome, she liked letting him prove his point. What was more, he let her overcome him, too. She relished watching him become weak beneath her, even as he dug his fingers into her flesh until it made her gasp.

“See,” she had said one night, her chest against his, her lips just touching his ear and her hands just beginning to tingle, “I can pin you down without using my powers.”

He responded exactly how she thought he would, his hands on her with a restored fierceness. She ended up being bent over the side of his bed, her face down, clenching her teeth as he pushed hard into her.

When he grabbed her by the hair and told her, “You’re always too confident,” she couldn’t have cared less that she was face down.

All she said back to him was, “Harder.”

He never stopped her from letting her powers arise during their private moments. Had they been training, she would have been lectured about her lack of control. But when he was the one making her lose control, it made him fuck her harder, and he didn’t shy from the pain she caused him. The more she lit up, the more intoxicating their sex was.

* * *

At first, sex was their one and only form of intimacy. Vers would show up at Yon-Rogg’s apartment in the morning to train and end up being pulled inside for as long as it took them to satisfy each other. Afterward, they would resume their training routine as if nothing had changed. Even spontaneous night encounters, when Vers couldn’t sleep or after a mission when their blood was hot, still concluded with them reverting to their mentor/mentee relationship.

Inevitably, though, the line between the two sides of their relationship began to blur.

One night after sex, they lied next to each other longer than usual. Vers was tired from their latest mission, and while she knew she had to get up and leave soon, her body felt too heavy to move. More than that, though, she wasn’t entirely ready to be alone.

A comfortable silence hung in the room, until Vers slipped her tired voice into it, saying, “I have a personal question.”

“Are you asking me for permission to ask a personal question?”

“No. Just giving you fair warning.”

Yon-Rogg sighed.

Vers continued, “Do you have sex with anyone other than me?”

“What?”

“I’m just curious.”

“When do you think I would find time to have sex with anyone else?”

“I don’t know, I’m not always with you.”

“You might as well be.”

Vers laughed. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I spend more time with you than anyone else, Vers.”

“So you’re not having sex with anyone else?”

“Are you?”

“No, when would I have time?” Vers smirked and Yon-Rogg rolled his eyes at her. “But really, you’re a Starforce commander. It has to be so easy for you to find someone to take home. Do you just go to the pleasure centers when the mood strikes or is someone out there missing you right now?”

“Are you asking if I have any romantic attachments?”

“Sure.”

“I don’t.”

“Not ever?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Honestly?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t let this go to your head, but you’re exactly the kind of person any Kree would be tripping over themselves to get to. I imagine I’m not the only option you have, even if my bedroom skills are next to none.”

“You’re better in bed than you are in a spar, that’s certain.”

“Oh wow, thanks for the shining review.”

“It was meant as a compliment.”

“Sure, whatever you say.” Vers nestled herself into the pillow, starting to feel even more comfortable and lethargic. “So you’ve never had any…romantic attachments?”

“No, I have.”

“What happened with them?”

“We weren’t as compatible as I thought.”

“Why not?”

“Why are you so interested?”

“I can’t remember my past, so yours is all we have to talk about.”

“Fair enough.”

“So?”

“So what?”

“So tell me about them.”

“There’s not much to tell.”

“Really? You were in love with this person and there’s not much to tell?”

He sighed. “I was young and I still had a lot to learn about forming attachments. It went on for longer than it should’ve. There were things about me that she couldn’t understand.”

“Like what?” Vers asked, her eyelids growing heavy.

“She saw my self-reliance as tragic.”

“You, tragic?” Vers snorted.

“Exactly. Self-reliance is a necessary strength for someone serving on Starforce. Her pity was an aversion to me.”

“Hmm. That must be why you find me so attractive—I’ve never felt sorry for you once.”

Yon-Rogg let out a breathy chuckle and Vers smiled. Then they were silent again. Vers could hear his breathing starting to even out.

“I should go...” she said, her eyes shut. The heaviness in her limbs was stronger than the urging in her mind telling her to go home.

“Mmm,” the passive sound Yon-Rogg made didn’t encourage any movement from her.

“I’ll go…in a minute…” she said, barely aware that she said anything at all. It wasn’t long before she finally fell asleep.

* * *

Vers woke up with a start. The last thing she remembered before falling asleep was her intention to get up and go home. She dearly hoped that she had actually done that. As her eyes adjusted, she could hear someone breathing next to her and she froze. Yon-Rogg was next to her, still sleeping. She had fallen asleep in his bed.

“Shit,” she said to herself, reflexively putting her hand over her mouth. The last thing she wanted to do right now was to wake him up and have some kind of awkward conversation before she could excuse herself.

She carefully eased out of the bed and retrieved her clothes from the floor, quickly slipping them on. A sound came from the bed and she froze again. After a second, she turned and saw that he had just moved in his sleep. She suppressed a sigh of relief as she picked up her boots and tiptoed to the door. Once she was safely outside, she put her boots on and did her best not to full on sprint back to her own apartment.

When she reached her apartment, she went inside and leaned against the door. It hit her that she hadn’t had the dream of the Skrull attack last night, for the first time in so long. Had this been a coincidence?

Ever since her first day in the medbay Vers had relied on Yon-Rogg’s guidance and counsel to cope with the adjustments in her new life. It did make sense that his presence made her feel safe on a subconscious level, but that didn’t mean she was ready to let their relationship move in this direction. Coming over to his apartment to fuck and then leave was one thing, but falling asleep and staying the entire night brought whatever they were doing to a new level. Sleeping next to him went far beyond just coping.

* * *

Yon-Rogg had awakened that morning just in time to see Vers slipping out of his apartment. He let her leave without disturbing her, and after that, neither of them mentioned it. A few days later, she fell asleep next to him again. Again she snuck out. Again they said nothing. When it became a clear pattern, he decided he needed to be the one to say something.

“You know, you don’t have to keep sneaking out,” Yon-Rogg said one morning as Vers was quietly heading for the door. She practically jumped at the sound of his voice.

“I thought you were still sleeping,” she said, turning to him a little sheepishly. “I didn’t want to wake you.”

“You’re going to be back here soon to drag me to the training center anyway, you might as well stay.”

She was looking him over, considering. “I think my early rising would bother you even more if I didn’t give you that extra hour to sleep.”

“As you can see, you’ve already woken me up. It makes no difference if you’re knocking on my door or sneaking out. You always find a way to wake me.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, but please stop sneaking out and stay in bed a little longer.”

She sighed, eyeing the door, her boots in hand. “Next time, I won’t sneak out. But today, I’m already up, so I’m not going back to bed. You can meet me at the training center if you want.”

“Well, seeing as I’m up too, I’ll go with you now.”

* * *

Yon-Rogg hadn’t ever been with anyone the way he was with Vers. When she slept next to him, he felt an unnerving amount of tenderness for her. Behind her peaceful face and under her skin was a great, powerful expanse that she had no way of realizing. Not without him. And she had given herself to him; she had trusted him with her mind and her body. She captivated and awed him. And yet, in his gut, he knew there would always be a wall between them.

He couldn’t imagine that she would be sleeping next to him in his bed if her full memory had been allowed to her. The woman who had essentially killed herself to stop him from getting the energy core was not a woman he assumed would fall into bed with her perceived enemies. And she had perceived him as an enemy. If she hadn’t, she wouldn’t be here right now. If she had let him take the core or if she had not seen him as a threat, she would not have absorbed the core. She would have served no purpose to him or to Kree. She would have been expendable and, in an effort to tie up loose ends, he might have killed her.

When he fucked her, when he was inside her and her hands were igniting, it did not escape him that she could destroy him. She had him in her grasp, and she had all the power and latent motivation to kill him, but instead she was letting him have her. Part of him knew that the woman behind the induced memory loss would see their copulation as a violation, but that same part of him wasn’t going to think about that. Sometimes, he let himself imagine that he could have persuaded her to get to where they were now even with her memories intact. But it was a moot hypothetical. 

When she was sleeping beside him, he felt simultaneously as if he had achieved a victory and committed a crime. No one’s hands were clean in war, he knew, but this act of war was more intimate than taking just a life—he had taken her life _ and _made her start a new one next to him. Still, his conscience had been clear and duty-driven when he took her from C-53. But the more she leaned into him, the more weakness she offered him, the greater he felt the weight of what they had done to her. 

He hadn’t had trouble sleeping until she started sleeping next to him.

It became necessary for him to refocus his responsibility on a regular basis, lest he forget what she truly was. She wasn’t merely a woman with induced memory loss. She was a weapon, a power core that could be used for or against Kree, and he was accountable for ensuring it would never be used for the latter. If she were to remember who she was or step away from the Supreme Intelligence’s plan, he would be made to answer for it.

Even so, he felt a pang of admiration for her, for withstanding what she had been through and for becoming a tool for Kree. She had gotten to where she was in her training because of him, yes, but she had a perseverance that couldn’t be forced into anyone. Had she not been the woman who had tried to sacrifice herself for her cause, she might not have been worth the blood transfusion. But she had the makings of a decent soldier, and he had honed that in her. He had made her better than ever before, and that was something even Vers, whoever she had been, wouldn’t be able to ignore.

Vers stirred in her sleep and Yon-Rogg looked at her. Her sleeping form filled him with a comforting satisfaction that had become impossible to ignore. The nights that she stayed had come to outnumber the nights she didn’t. He was getting used to waking up next to her, and he enjoyed having her close.

She was on her stomach facing him, half of her face buried in his pillow. Her breathing was steady and shallow and a wisp of her hair across her face fluttered against her nose. He tucked the loose strand back behind her ear, his fingers grazing against her cheek. She actually looked like she might be content. As he withdrew his hand, her eyes squinted open and she took a deep breath.

“Are you up before me?” she rolled to her back and yawned.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh no, are you having dreams now?” She sat up next to him and yawned again.

“No, I’m not. Are you?”

She shook her head.

“Does sleeping here help?”

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye then looked straight ahead. She shrugged and said, “I guess.”

“That’s good.” Even to himself he sounded passive.

“So why can’t you sleep?” she asked.

“I have a lot on my mind.”

“Like what?”

“Believe it or not, being a Starforce commander does require a considerable amount of energy and focus.”

“You? Focus? Seems like they got the wrong guy for the job.”

His laugh was a breathy grunt and she smiled at him. Her eyes crinkled when she smiled, and it was so endearing that he had to look away from her. She had a knack for catching him off guard like that.

“Well, if you keep having a hard time sleeping,” she said, “I might have to start lecturing you on clearing your mind. That would be embarrassing for you.”

“It certainly would. I’d lose all the respect I’ve earned over the course of my career.”

“Ok, well that just seems drastic. I’m not _ that _ embarrassing.”

“You’d be surprised.”

She gave his shoulder a playful punch. “Have you considered that maybe I get my embarrassing traits from you? Maybe your blood is the reason I’m so difficult to deal with.”

“I doubt that.”

Another playful punch.

“If you keep physically assaulting your commander, I’m going to have to reprimand you.”

“Right. A reprimand. I’ll hit you again and then you’ll be so exasperated you’ll have to fuck my brains out. Really teach me a lesson. I’ll be so upset.”

“Is that what you’re hoping for?”

“Maybe.”

“Well then, hit me again and see what happens.”

* * *

The Starforce team had just finished a meeting covering the basics of their next mission and was now dispersing for the night. Yon-Rogg was talking to Minn-Erva and Korath, and Vers was approaching them when she was abruptly pulled aside by Att-Lass.

“We’re going to the pleasure centers again, Vers,” Att-Lass said. “Do you feel any differently about joining this time?”

Vers eyed Yon-Rogg over Att-Lass’s shoulder. He was facing her and had heard Att-Lass. He raised his eyebrows, smirked, and looked at her expectantly.

“I think I’ll have to pass, Att-Lass,” Vers said. She watched Yon-Rogg shake his head and start backing away. “Thanks for offering again.”

“Of course,” Att-Lass said.

“Although, actually, hold on, Yon-Rogg is still here…” Vers lifted her hand up, as if grabbing his attention. “Commander?”

Att-Lass turned and Yon-Rogg looked between him and Vers.

“Yes, Vers?” he said.

“Att-Lass was just inviting me to the team’s pleasure center excursion. It boosts morale. I’m not going, but perhaps you would like to.”

“Perhaps another time,” Yon-Rogg said.

“But I really think you could benefit from going, Commander,” Vers pushed, trying not to smile. “You’re always so tense and this could really help you.”

“Maybe I seem tense because I have a very serious mission to coordinate and you are distracting me.”

“Me? Distracting you? Just ignore me, then.”

He gave her a look, “If only I could, Vers.”

Att-Lass cleared his throat. “We don’t want to distract you, Commander. And if there is any assistance you require—”

“No, Att-Lass, you go enjoy yourself tonight with the rest of the team. If I need anything from anyone, I know Vers will be available.”

Vers saluted, and both men gave her a confused look.

“What does that mean?” Yon-Rogg asked.

“A salute? It’s like me saying, ‘Yes, sir!’”

“Well, don’t do it again. Just say, ‘Yes, sir’ instead.”

Vers saluted again and Yon-Rogg rolled his eyes.

“Enjoy your evening, Att-Lass. Vers.” Yon-Rogg nodded to them both, then started walking away. As Vers watched him, Att-Lass cleared his throat again.

“You and Yon-Rogg have a very companionable relationship,” Att-Lass said.

“I guess.”

“You spend a lot of time with him.”

“He’s been charged to oversee my training and the honing of my gifts.”

“Yes, but, he seems happy with you.”

Vers snorted. “Alright, if you say so.”

“No, I mean it. I’m happy for both of you.”

Att-Lass gave her shoulder a firm grip, then started to walk away. What he had said sunk into Vers’s stomach and she started to follow him.

“What do you mean, you’re happy for both of us?”

“I just meant that it’s clear to see that you two have found a romantic relationship together and it’s beneficial to both of you.”

“What? I mean—what? No! Yon-Rogg and I are not—we are _ not _ romantic. We spend a lot of time together, but not because we’re fucking or anything…like that.”

Att-Lass laughed. “I understand. I won’t say anything to anyone else.”

“Because there’s nothing to say because there is no romance!”

“If you say so.”

“Att-Lass, please. Believe me, there is nothing like that going on with me and Yon-Rogg.”

The way he looked at her told her that she hadn’t convinced him, but he nodded anyway. He turned to walk away again.

“Att-Lass,” she called after him. He turned to her. “Please don’t tell Yon-Rogg that you know.”

“Of course not. You have my word.”

“Thank you.”

* * *

Vers kept hearing Yon-Rogg’s voice in her head telling her to keep their relationship a secret. She could hear him telling her that if anyone found out the commander was sleeping with a team member, it could have serious ramifications. And she kept seeing Att-Lass smiling and basically congratulating her on having sex with Yon-Rogg.

Att-Lass’s casual reaction coupled with Yon-Rogg’s warning only served to confuse Vers. She had, of course, kept the relationship a secret, but apparently the way they acted around each other was a dead giveaway to anyone with eyes and a brain. And no one cared. At least, Att-Lass didn’t care.

Vers had to wonder exactly how _ serious _the ramifications could be if her teammate could just shrug it off. But Att-Lass did stress that he wouldn’t tell anyone, and Vers didn’t know if that was out of respect for their privacy or for fear of protocol. She didn’t want to push the subject with Att-Lass—talking to him about it behind Yon-Rogg’s back felt like it would be a betrayal of Yon-Rogg’s trust.

She had already decided that she wasn’t going to mention this to Yon-Rogg. If she brought it up, she feared she’d face a lecture. And she wasn’t prepared to look like she had let Att-Lass in on their secret. Of course, she hadn’t offered up any secrets to Att-Lass, but she suspected Yon-Rogg wouldn’t see it that way.

Part of her was even starting to doubt that her interaction with Att-Lass had happened the way it had. What if she _ had _ given away the secret? Had she just assumed that he knew so she had acted careless? What Vers had learned to mistrust over everything else was her own memory. Her mind was full of blank spaces and phrases and habits that made no sense. Everyone around her, especially Yon-Rogg, was always questioning the way she did and saw things.

She could already hear Yon-Rogg telling her she should have been more careful and she already believed him. She thought she had a clear image of how her conversation with Att-Lass went, but now that image was completely skewed. There were loose pieces of a mosaic firing across her brain, trying to piece back together the original image, but her memory combined with Yon-Rogg’s voice kept pushing the pieces in different directions. Bits and pieces of her doubts and her fears were distorting the memory. She was at a loss to understand how she was going to explain this to Yon-Rogg, so she was going to keep the entire interaction to herself.

And underneath all of that lied another unsettling thought: Att-Lass had assumed that what was happening between Vers and Yon-Rogg was a romance. He said that she made Yon-Rogg happy. But her sexual relationship with Yon-Rogg was just that: sexual. She hadn’t thought about it as romantic, but now that she was thinking about it…was she in love with Yon-Rogg?

Amidst all the chaos in her brain, she couldn’t find an answer she could trust.

* * *

When Vers and Yon-Rogg had sex that night, she tried to imagine that she loved him, or that he loved her. But when he was inside her and beneath her and above her, she couldn’t tell if they were doing this out of anything other than lust.

As she fell asleep next to Yon-Rogg that night, her unsettled mind drifted off into the memory of the attack. For the first time in months she was forced back into the moment when her body was at its weakest, its most vulnerable. She could feel blood dripping from her nose and covering her hands. All around her was smoke and fire and electric sparks and dirt. Through the haze, she could see the Skrull coming for her, grimacing and aiming his weapon.

And in the version of the dream she was having tonight, she couldn’t move. She was in seething, blinding pain that bolted across and into her body. The pain was wrapping around her like hot, metal cords, clinging to every molecule and keeping her held back and helpless as she waited to be killed.

She woke gasping for breath. Her hands were burning. The dream had felt more real than it ever had before, she was still seeing images from it flashing in front of her. For a moment she couldn’t tell where she was. She scrambled to sit up, flinging her feet over the side of the bed. She couldn’t breathe.

“Vers?” a voice came from next to her, and with the face of the Skrull hot in her mind, she jumped from the bed, raising her fists. Something about the voice had been familiar, familiar in the sense that it had belonged in the dream, and it raised the hairs on the back of her neck. A figure sat up from the shadows.

“Don’t come any closer!” she shouted, raising her fists. Her heart was beating wildly as she stepped back, trying to make sense of the figure in front of her.

“What’s happening, Vers?” something about the calmness in the tone of the voice shook the dream fragments from her eyes. Through the glow of her hands, she recognized Yon-Rogg as he stood, holding up his hands as if ready to defend himself.

“Yon,” her voice cracked, and she sucked in a gasp of air. Her breaths were coming in sharp and quick, the forcefulness stinging her throat and lungs. It was like the pain from her dream was still grasping onto her and taunting her, reminding her that she couldn’t be free of it. The chip on her neck was buzzing. She realized she was crying.

“Vers, it’s alright. I’m here.” Yon-Rogg approached her, his hands still raised cautiously, showing he meant no harm. 

“I—I had the dream—again,” her voice sounded so weak to her, but she couldn’t control it. She was shaking. “I’m—I’m—I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. Remember who you are. Remember what I’ve taught you. You know how to control this.”

She shook her head and closed her eyes. The energy was shooting through her veins, but she was still holding onto it. It hadn’t escaped her hands yet, though it was getting close. She tried to focus on pulling it back in, bringing it back to her core, but she kept seeing the Skrull and feeling jolting pain.

“Breathe, Vers,” Yon-Rogg said. “Get your breathing under control. Deep breaths.”

She inhaled a choppy breath, let it out, and repeated until her breathing was even. Each exhale was blowing away the details of the Skrull’s face, until it faded into nothing. Her hands were still warm, but she could feel the energy waning. She opened her eyes and saw Yon-Rogg standing in front of her.

“You’re doing it, Vers,” he said. His voice was so calm and he looked at her so patiently. “Keep focusing on your breathing and reining the energy back in. You can do this.”

The buzzing on her neck grew quiet and she watched her hands dim down to nothing, leaving them unremarkable and trembling. She was dizzy.

“Are you alright?” he asked, eyeing her shaky hands.

“I…I’ve never felt the dream so vividly. It was like…” she closed her eyes. “I...I can’t talk about it right now. I can’t…”

She felt his hand on her shoulder, then cupping her cheek. She leaned into his touch, gentle and comforting and safe. She let him pull her close to him. Her cheek rested against his chest and she could feel his heart beating. One of his hands lightly stroked her hair while the other pressed against her back, firm and reassuring. She wrapped her arms around him. She felt her body weakening even more as it settled down from the panic and she steadied herself against him. They stood holding each other, and it struck her that this was the longest they had ever held onto each other outside of sex.

When he led her back to bed and when they were both lying down again, she reached for him. She pulled his arm over her and held it close to her chest as he curved his body alongside hers. She pretended again that they loved each other, and this time she almost believed it.

* * *

When Vers woke up the next morning, she found herself pressed against Yon-Rogg’s back, her arms around him. For a brief moment, she was confused. Yes, they slept together, but they never slept like this. As she slowly detangled herself from him and sat up, she remembered her panic attack from the night before and how she had let him comfort her, how she had practically collapsed into him. She was both warmed by the thought of his affection towards her and embarrassed at herself not only for panicking, but also for being so moved by him. And, somehow, she was still exhausted.

She was trying to creep out of the bed, so she could leave before he woke. He would meet her at the training center and they wouldn’t have to acknowledge the fact that she had lost control and cried in front of him. But as her feet touched the floor and she started to stand, she heard him stirring behind her.

“Not sneaking off again, are you?” came his surprisingly alert voice.

She turned to face him. “I was going to get a head start on training.”

“Without waking me?” he sat up and stretched his arms—purposeful stretches, not the movements of a man who had just woken up.

“Well, you never do like how early I start,” she said

“That never stops you, though.”

“Felt like giving you a break today.”

“That was generous of you,” he said, standing from the bed. 

They looked at each other for a moment, and Vers knew that he had been awake before her but was trying to play it off. At some point during the night, they had changed positions so she was embracing him, and he hadn’t moved her when he woke up. He had just laid there, being held by her for however long.

“I’m sorry about last night,” was all she could say.

“What for?”

“I didn’t handle my dream well.”

“On the contrary, I think you handled it as well as you could right now. Your powers ignited, yes, but you did not lose complete control of them. You listened to my guidance and found your way back to the present.”

“I just…I wish I wasn’t so weak.”

“The Skrulls have left a great scar on your mind, Vers. You cannot expect that to vanish so quickly.”

“I know, but…”

“Continue to trust me, and we can overcome what they did to you.”

Vers gazed at him, then averted her eyes. She wanted to prove that she was actually in control of her emotions, that she didn’t have to give in to her impulses, but she was having a harder time fighting the urge to touch him, to reach for the comfort he had given her last night. Instead, she said to him, her words ascending from deep in her chest and aching with sincerity, “I do trust you.”

Yon-Rogg’s lips parted, and Vers imagined he could taste the vulnerability in her words. She was holding her breath, waiting for him to decide if he should spit the taste out or savor it.

“I want to bring you somewhere today,” he said.

She couldn’t be sure exactly what that meant, but she nodded as his gaze on her travelled and lingered. When he turned away from her, she let out her breath, and followed him out of the room.

* * *

Vers was led by Yon-Rogg through the city’s levels. She couldn’t help but remember the first time she had walked through the same streets with him. She had been so disoriented, but he had anchored her. She had barely known him, but he had already offered her relief from the panic and confusion. He had remained constant in that. But she never imagined how her heart would flutter while looking at him now.

And, much like the first time she had followed him through these streets, she had no idea where he was taking her.

“You better be taking me somewhere amazing if you’re really going to be so secretive about it,” she said.

“I don’t have to do anything of the sort,” he said, side-glancing at her, a smirk playing on his lips.

He was leading her onto a public train that was routed into lower Hala, and they found an area to stand amongst the other passengers, holding onto the provided poles for support as the train lurched into motion. The daylight was replaced with neon as the train slid down a layer of the city. Vers had been into lower Hala before, but the longer they were on the train, the lower they descended, and she was deeper into Hala than she had ever been. The streaks of natural light that broke through from the top became more distant and eventually disappeared into perpetual night. 

The buildings were lit with all hues of neon and every surface was covered with reminders of the war against the Skrulls. There were, of course, patriotic monuments and memorials on upper Hala, but as the lower levels of Hala became darker and more crowded, the propaganda was ceaseless. From the train, Vers could see larger than life images of soldiers scaling buildings, hailing the heroes who protected Kree. She had to do a double take as the train passed a particular piece of Starforce promotion, thinking the soldier pictured was Yon-Rogg, but it wasn’t. Still, she found it amusing how much he fully embodied what a true Kree soldier should be. She actually wouldn’t have been surprised if she had seen his face illuminating the side of a building.

With so many reminders of the war around them, the passengers on the train could easily recognize the Starforce colors of the casual attire both she and Yon-Rogg wore, and they were greeted with nods of respect or an occasional, “Your service honors all Kree.”

Vers liked watching Yon-Rogg while they were being thanked by civilians. After so many years of service, he had grown accustomed to this degree of respect from the public and, while she knew he was honored to serve and protect Kree, she could tell that he also wished the people would show their respect by sometimes just remaining silent. It was nice to see him being annoyed by someone other than herself.

When they finally reached the stop Yon-Rogg was waiting for and left the close confines of the train car, Vers said to him, “Why do you look so bothered when people thank you for your service?”

“I don’t look bothered,” he said.

“How would you know? I’m the one looking at you, and you look bothered.”

“I’m honored to serve them.”

“Yeah, and annoyed to hear about it.”

“Vers, that’s not true and you shouldn’t say it.”

“I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I’m just curious, that’s all.”

Yon-Rogg had led them away from the train station and she strode alongside him. He glanced at her and kept moving forward. After a couple minutes of walking in silence, he stopped them in front of a building and stood himself in front of her, facing her, her back to the building.

“Hearing their gratitude is a reminder of the responsibility I have to each and every Kree,” he said. “For all that we do, an amount of reverence is expected and owed, but sometimes I wonder, if they knew more…”

“Knew more what?”

“None of us are as pure as they would like us to be. They haven’t seen the things we’ve done.”

“That comes with the whole territory, though. I think everyone can understand that, and that’s why they thank us.”

He laughed at this, and she was a little taken aback by it. Then, his tone growing derisive, he said, “You really believe average citizens can understand the depth of what we do?”

Vers gave him a look, taking in his oddly defensive stance.

“I think we do the things we do so they don’t all have to be burdened with it,” she said. “And whatever we do on behalf of Kree, whatever we have to do to bring justice, I think they can forgive us for not being pure. I think we can all understand that.”

His golden eyes seemed to be searching her, but for what, she didn’t know. Finally, he said, “I’m glad you see it that way.”

She just nodded. Then, still looking at her, he gestured his head to something behind her. She turned and only saw the neon-lit building set against the buzzing phosphorescence of lower Hala.

“What am I supposed to be looking at?” she asked, her eyes scanning across the building and its surroundings, but nothing stood out.

“We’re here,” he said.

“Wait, this is where you were taking me?” She looked at him as he nodded, and she turned back to the building, paying more attention. “Is this…is this a gym?”

“This is the gym I have been going to since I was very young,” he said. “I went here to train with my father and my brother, and it was here that I first learned my purpose was to serve Kree.”

“I didn’t know you had a brother,” Vers said.

“Well, now you know. And I learned a lot from him here.” He looked over the building and she looked at him. He had just taken her to a place more personal than even his living space.

“Why did you want to bring me here?” she asked.

“I want you to have more than the Starforce training center,” he said.

“But why somewhere that’s so personal to you?”

“Because I trust you too, Vers.”

* * *

Yon-Rogg wished he could tell himself that taking Vers to his personal gym had been impulsive. He wished it hadn’t been a decision he had made weeks ago and had been trying to talk himself out of. He wished she hadn’t leaned into him so fully last night when the memory of the attack had seized her. 

For a moment, when she was still half in her nightmare, he had feared that her memory of the attack had corrected itself. He thought she had finally recognized him. But as she came to, he was flooded with relief. The relief was overwhelming and he resented himself for feeling it, but he felt it nonetheless. Fragile and somewhat naive, she had wrapped herself up in him, and he barely slept. He wished he hadn’t felt so complete when she was holding onto him, wrapped up in him. He wished he hadn’t panicked at the thought of losing this with her. And above all, he wished he could feel this way about anyone but her.

He had never brought anyone he was mentoring to this gym. Like he had told Vers, it was a place special to him. This gym had been the background to his formative years while he learned what kind of man he would become. He had learned what kind of tool his body could be formed into, that he could be a weapon, physically and mentally. And he had been taught that it was his responsibility to use that weapon for the good of all Kree. Here he had sparred with his father and his brother, and he had yearned to be like them, to emulate these men who served a purpose far greater than even they knew. He had been determined to follow in their footsteps and become part of Starforce. And it was in this gym that he had also learned, when he tossed his brother to the mats, that he could surpass them all if he was willing to do the work.

Bringing someone into this space that was so significant to his core self was an incredibly foreign action to him. He didn’t readily share information about his past or personal life to anyone, let alone bring someone into a place where he had been so vulnerable and moldable as a child and young man. He hadn’t even brought Minn-Erva to the gym when he had been training closely with her. But of course, he hadn’t done a lot of things with Minn-Erva that he had done with Vers.

Maybe it was her human weaknesses and emotions rubbing off on him, but Yon-Rogg _ wanted _ Vers to see this part of him. When he first had the idea to bring her to this gym, he had rationalized it as a desire to keep her close to him for the sake of his greater mission for Kree. But when he had awakened to her arms around him, he had wanted that to happen again, and he knew he needed to offer her a weakness of his own to appeal to her human sensitivities. Bringing her to the gym would offer them countless personal moments that went beyond Starforce or sex. Her bond to him would strengthen even more as he exposed more of his true self to her.

But he would have to remain in control. He could not afford to lose himself anymore than he already had in these feelings for her and continue to justify it in the name of his duty to maintain her. Whatever came of this offering of openness to her, he would have to find a way to tip the scales of power to his favor.


	5. Darkness

Vers could hear the now familiar sound of Yon-Rogg’s heartbeat as she lay curled up in his arms, her head resting on his chest. Over the past several months, she had grown used to falling asleep being held by him. Ever since he had brought her to the public gym instead of the Starforce training center, she felt closer to him than she ever imagined she would be.

Yon-Rogg had shown her a side of himself that she hadn’t expected to see. She had a fuller picture of the man she was sleeping with night after night, which brought a renewed sense of belonging—they were closer now than ever before, and it felt good.

Despite this newfound pleasure in their growing intimacy, she had been waking from dreams of the attack more frequently. The first few times, she had woken him up too, and he had helped to ease her away from the memory and they fell back to sleep together. But she was determined to be able to calm herself down without waking him up.

This proved difficult. He wasn’t a very light sleeper, and the heat from her glowing hands was always enough to wake him. Sometimes she couldn’t fall asleep for fear of having the dream and blasting him across the room. Other times she was so on edge that she woke herself up without even having the dream.

As she lay in his arms now, trying to fall asleep, the fear of the dream crawled over her like a thousand tiny insect legs. She tried to close her eyes and ignore it, but it only grew stronger. She listened to Yon-Rogg’s even breathing, trying to decide if he was actually asleep.

She couldn’t tell, so she voiced her concern just in case, “I can’t sleep through the night anymore.”

The silence that followed made her think he had fallen asleep. Then, in a groggy voice, he said, “Why not?”

“I just keep dreaming.”

Another delayed response. “You always have dreams, Vers.”

“I know, but it’s the memory. It won’t leave me alone.”

“The memory of the attack?”

“I don’t have any other memories. At least, none before I woke up and saw you.”

“Well, I hope your first memory of seeing me isn’t the cause of your nightmares.”

“No, seeing you is just my living nightmare.” She paused. “I’m kidding.”

“I know. You usually are.”

“Not all the time.”

“Just most of the time.”

“Well I’m being serious right now. I can’t sleep.”

“You could try.”

“I don’t want to.”

He sighed. “What am I supposed to do about that?”

“You could touch me inappropriately.”

“I already did.”

“Yeah, but you could do it again.”

He groaned. “Part of letting you sleep here implies that we actually sleep.”

“That’s not fun.”

“It’s not meant to be fun. We need sleep to keep our minds and our bodies sharp.”

She knew when she had lost. She sighed and rolled out of his arms, turning her back to him. Minutes passed in darkness and silence and she tried to drift into sleep. As she was starting to feel the first signs of rest come over her body, she felt his hand on her back. Slowly, his hand slid over her waist and found the edges of her top and her pants and her breath caught in her throat as he pushed two fingers inside her.

His movements in her were gentle and firm, circular and warm. Her hips moved with him, and he slid another finger in her, deeper. She moaned and grasped at her own breast. He pulled her towards him so the length of her body was against his. She knew they could both hear the buzzing on her neck as her hands started to fill the dark room with a subtle glow.

As her breathing quickened, he became rougher in both his hands—the hand inside her and the hand that moved to her neck. With a grip on her neck, he tilted her head back, his breath in her hair. His grip tightened as the light inside her was cascading and buzzing and burning. He squeezed his hand on her neck and the buzzing stopped. The glowing in the room was gone.

“What are you doing?” she said, her voice lilting at the precipice of pleasure, ready to fall back in.

“You don’t need your power right now,” he said. She could feel him getting hard behind her. His fingers were still deep in her, she was still wet and she might still be able to will herself to finish, but her stomach dropped. Her hands suddenly felt cold.

“Stop.” She grabbed his hand from her neck and pushed herself away from him. She heard him sit up behind her as she got off the bed.

“Vers, what’s wrong?”

“I’m going for a walk.”

“Come back to bed.”

“No, I’m going for a walk.” She fumbled in the dark for her shoes. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Vers.” He turned on the light and started coming after her. “What are you doing? What just happened?”

“I don’t know.” While she was trying to shove her feet into her shoes, he had managed to block her from the doorway.

“What is happening to you right now?”

“You…you took away my powers without telling me.”

He laughed. “What did you need them for?”

“I didn’t need them, but—I don’t know. You never take them away when we’re having sex. I didn’t like it, and I want to go for a walk now.”

“Vers, you’re being irrational.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Then what else do you call this?”

“I call this me being upset that you took away my photon energy without warning and then got aroused by it.”

“That’s not how it happened.”

“Then what just happened?”

He sighed. “There was no need for you to lose control. I was doing you a favor to help you fall asleep, like you wanted me to, and we didn’t need you burning anything.”

“But you know I don’t lose control like that when we’re—when we’re fucking around.”

“It wasn’t an attack on you. It’s no different than when we’re training.”

“How was fingering me with your hand around my neck no different than when we’re training? This is not the same!”

“I think you’re tired, Vers. You get too emotional when you haven’t had enough sleep.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Go take a walk.” He moved out of her way, was walking back to his bed. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

She watched him in disbelief, but clenched her jaw and her fists and fumed on her way out of his apartment.

* * *

Vers was instructed to commune with the Supreme Intelligence the next day. She knew Yon-Rogg was behind it, but she was too upset with him to chew him out over it. She didn’t bother meeting him for their morning training, but instead went straight to the temple of the Supreme Intelligence.

“You’re letting your emotions control you, Vers,” the Supreme Intelligence said as soon as Vers had opened her eyes to the simulated reality.

“Is that what Yon-Rogg told you?”

“He is your commander. It is his duty to inform me of your welfare and what might be hindering your progress.”

“He turned off my powers without telling me.”

“He was given the ability to do that for a reason.”

“So he can get hard over it?” Vers was growing hot, but the look the Supreme Intelligence gave her made her avert her eyes. “Forgive me, Intelligence. I’m out of line.”

“You are controlled by your emotions, Vers. Yon-Rogg and I are both trying to help you.”

“I know, but…but I thought this aspect of my relationship with Yon-Rogg was different.”

“You thought you were equals when it’s just the two of you.”

“Something like that. I mean, when we’re having sex, doesn’t that put us on the same level?”

“To an extent, yes. But you have to remember that he is your commander above everything else.”

“But it’s not like we’re having sex because he commanded me to. It’s a choice that we both made, outside of our profession. If he has authority over me when we’re having sex, how am I any different than a pleasure robot? I’m not here for him to program to do whatever he wants, and I’m not okay with him deciding he can take away parts of me without asking.”

“You’re looking at it the wrong way, Vers. You two engage in a sexual relationship because of a mutual respect and attraction you have for each other. There you have equal footing. But your gifts and his status as commander set you two apart. When you’re together, he isn’t your commander, so why should you have your gifts?”

“He’s never complained about my gifts when we’re together; if anything, he gets off on it. Isn’t that just part of our attraction?”

“Maybe it was. But, as your commander, he knows how little control you have over your gifts. Perhaps he is finally concerned for his own well being and realizes how foolish it is to let you bring your weapons into bed.”

“But I would never hurt him.”

“Not on purpose.”

“Why hasn’t he said any of this to me if that’s how he feels?”

“Perhaps he’s too proud to ever admit to something like that, just like you would be.”

Vers sighed. “That doesn’t make him taking my powers away without telling me any better.”

“You know he never has any intentions of causing you harm. He cares for you more than either of you know.”

“What does that mean?”

“You know what it means. Don’t shut him out because of your pride.”

* * *

Vers still didn’t feel like talking to Yon-Rogg when she saw him later that day, or the next day, or the next. She trained with her teammates and he planned Starforce’s next mission in separate spheres from each other. They communicated only as much as was needed between a commander and a soldier. It wasn’t until after the grueling physical work of the mission, when their muscles and their minds were still primed and heated, that they were brought back to familiar terms with each other.

Yon-Rogg lingered behind everyone on the Helion when they had docked at the Starforce hangar. Vers could tell that he was waiting for her. She was the last of the team to file out of the Helion, but before she could, Yon-Rogg grabbed her by the elbow.

“We need to talk,” he said. 

She watched her teammates walking away. Minn-Erva looked back over her shoulder and rolled her eyes as she kept walking.

“What do you want to—” Vers was cut off by the force of his lips against hers. The energy from the mission rolled off their bodies and into each other, and she kissed him back as fervently as he kissed her. She was promptly pressed against the wall of the Helion. He groped at her body through her uniform and she bit his lip.

“I want you,” his voice was a coarse whisper against her neck.

“Then take me.”

His mouth was on hers again, and she parted his lips with her tongue. He grabbed between her legs as she gripped his neck. They stopped and looked into each other’s eyes.

“You can’t take my powers away without telling me.” She tightened her hold on his neck for emphasis. “Can we agree on that?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” She let go and pushed him away from her. She could feel his eyes following her as she walked away. She called back to him, “I’ll see you at the mission debriefing, Commander.”

* * *

Yon-Rogg watched Vers walk off the ship. He had been concerned that her frustration with him would wedge an irreparable gap between them. She could not question her trust in him, so he had her sent to commune with the Supreme Intelligence and had been waiting for her to resume their interactions. He had decided to give her space, to let her realize that she wanted to come back to him.

But when he had watched her on the mission, when he had seen her sweating in combat and light up her fists with beautiful control, the control he had taught her, he knew he couldn’t stand not to touch her again.

What made him long for her even more was the silence she gave him, the lack of snide remarks, and the unemotional regard she paid him as commander. Her cold indifference caused a physical ache inside him.

He knew he had to remain in control of their relationship, but in order to keep the relationship alive, he had to relinquish something. He hadn’t been in complete control of himself when he waited for her on the ship. Kissing her had been impulsive. Telling her that she would have a say in when her gifts would be extinguished was desperate.

His stomach twisted into a knot of self-loathing, but he couldn’t afford to let her lose her focus and backtrack their progress because of this. He had to relent to her in some way, to let her feel like she could continue to trust him. But he knew his desperation came from more than his duty to maintain her. He couldn’t go another day letting this desperation build, lest he do something even more rash.

Yon-Rogg remained on the ship until he was sure the rest of his team had left the hangar. The mixed adrenaline of a completed mission and the satisfaction of knowing he would be near Vers again soon made his confidence soar past the loathing in his gut. He took a moment to compose himself.

It had grown relatively quiet and was starting to get dark in the hangar. Yon-Rogg finally stepped out of the ship.

“What are you doing?” a voice asked from the growing shadows. Yon-Rogg hid his surprise and walked towards it.

“I could ask you the same thing, Minn-Erva,” he said. “Are you spying on me?”

“I’m concerned for you,” she said, her arms crossed and her expression discerning.

“And why would you feel the need to be concerned for me?”

“Don’t do this. Your mind games might work on her but not on me. You should know better.”

“And you should know better than to be stalking your commander,” he moved to leave and she followed.

“It’s disgusting, you know. She’s not even Kree.”

He clenched his jaw and turned on her. “Since when was it your place to question me? You have no right.”

“I’m looking out for you, Yon-Rogg.”

“Are you sure you’re not just jealous?”

She scoffed. “Don’t flatter yourself. I’m worried for the team. Fucking the new recruit might be impairing your judgment as leader.”

“Careful, Minn-Erva,” he warned, his words slanted at her like a blade. She stepped forward, narrowing her gaze at him.

“I am always careful, but what you’re doing…what you’re doing is reckless. You’re her superior officer, and she’s _ human_. How would it look for us if a Starforce commander, of all people, were to impregnate her with some half-breed? Even you couldn’t live with the shame.”

“You are forgetting your place, Minn-Erva,” he said through gritted teeth, despite trying to maintain his composure. “I suggest you leave my presence now before you say something you will truly regret.”

Minn-Erva held her tongue; she may have been on close terms with Yon-Rogg, but she knew when to stop pushing him. He pushed past her. The confidence he had been feeling moments before had flared into apprehension.

* * *

“Minn-Erva knows.”

The look the Supreme Intelligence gave Yon-Rogg was one of utter and complete lack of alarm. “And?”

“She’s upset. She’s doubting my position as leader.”

“Minn-Erva is the least of our worries. Her loyalty to you has never been in question.”

“But if her discontent spreads to the rest of the team—”

“It won’t. She would never put Starforce at risk by creating dissent. She may be jealous, but she wouldn’t embarrass herself by sharing that with the rest of the team.”

“She told me she wasn’t jealous.”

“You know better than to take people for their word.”

“She’s never lied to me.”

“Perhaps she’s holding onto her pride. Let her. You must not worry about her.”

The Supreme Intelligence gave him a moment to consider its words, then continued, “Why does her species still bother you?”

“What?”

“You’re worried about Vers’s humanity again. I thought we had decided you shouldn’t be concerned with that.”

“I wasn’t concerned, but—”

“But Minn-Erva’s words have brought those concerns back. You’re worried that what she said was true. You’re worried your reputation will be ruined.”

“My relationship with Vers wouldn’t be judged too favorably by everyone. Jealousy or no, Minn-Erva would not be alone in her view on this.”

“How many people do you imagine know besides Minn-Erva?”

“No one.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure.”

Yon-Rogg felt his whole body tense. “How many know?”

“Your Starforce team isn’t comprised of children, Commander. Your chemistry with Vers is clear.”

“How long have they known?”

“The fact that you don’t know should tell you that it is of no consequence.”

“Did Vers tell them anything?”

“Like I said, the connection you two have is apparent to anyone spending any amount of time with you. She doesn’t have to say anything. But everyone on your team knows that their commander’s personal life is not a subject for casual discussion. The only one that feels threatened by this relationship is Minn-Erva, who is, incidentally, the only person on Starforce who knows Vers’s true origins.”

“She felt more than threatened. She was disgusted.”

“I believe she raised a concern that you would impregnate her with a _ half breed_.”

“What she said was right. I couldn’t live with the shame.”

“You’re an experienced man—you know how to have intercourse without impregnating her. And even if you did, we could terminate the pregnancy before she had any idea. But it would be a shame to waste her DNA like that.”

Yon-Rogg was wholly unprepared for that remark. “What?”

“Her powers are too great a gift to waste. Given that her DNA was altered by not only us but by the photon blast, I’ve considered the possibility of her offspring being gifted as well. If her training continues to go well and we can gage how useful she is, we might want to use her to create a new line of soldiers.”

“You’re suggesting we breed her?”

“You don’t approve?”

“It feels crude to me.”

“There’s nothing crude about the advancement of the Kree nation.”

“Of course, Intelligence.”

“But don’t worry, Commander, if that day ever comes, it won’t have to be your offspring with her. We would perfect the offspring in a lab, devoid of any physical interaction.”

The Supreme Intelligence was watching him, reading him, perhaps waiting for a verbal response. Yon-Rogg was silent, his brain caught between the reasoning behind this discussion and his excruciating emotional attachment to Vers.

Then the Supreme Intelligence said, almost off-hand, “Of course, if you changed your mind, giving her a child would make her ties and loyalty to Kree even stronger. It’s something to consider in terms of a fallout plan.”

Yon-Rogg felt himself relenting to the reasoning and said, “It would guarantee a commitment from her.”

“Now you understand. And imagine _ your _ legacy if you were to father her children. The children would be more yours than they would be hers, really. Her blood is already yours, and she would pass that to them, along with her gifts. You would be the father of a new era of Kree greatness.”

* * *

What the Supreme Intelligence told Yon-Rogg stuck in his mind like a splinter. Whenever he looked at Vers now, he heard that deeper, more commanding version of his own voice highlighting her promising genetic traits. He saw her body and her skill set in a new way that both excited and alarmed him. He saw the promise she might carry for his own future, if what the Supreme Intelligence had planned actually came to fruition. He assumed that future was still a long way off, but he couldn’t pry that vision from his mind when he was with her.

As they lay together one night, her head resting against his chest, his mind was replaying his meeting with the Supreme Intelligence yet again. It would be so _ simple _to put their entwined future into motion. He could get her pregnant and she would never know that it was part of a greater plan; all he would have to do was feign surprise when she revealed the pregnancy to him, which she would—she had no one else to tell.

He watched her idly tracing her fingertips up and down his abdomen. This happened with them often, just lying together after sex, touching each other lightly after a much more charged interaction. He liked listening to her catch her breath as they settled into a more restful position. Sometimes he’d stroke her hair or circle his fingers along her arms. Tonight, he savored the feeling of her fingertips tracing him, noting how subdued her movements were. Even though they had reached an agreement that she wouldn’t always be able to use her gifts during sex, she still curled herself up close to him, as trusting as ever.

It was this closeness that would allow the Supreme Intelligence’s vision for their legacy to work. Right now, there was no one but him that could seamlessly execute that plan. No one else was this close to her. His relationship with her was shaping up to be more significant than he could have ever imagined. He needed her to fulfill that potential for himself and for his duty to Kree—no one else would be able to offer him the chance at a legacy like the one he could have with her.

But that wasn’t all he needed her for.

He needed her because he knew he would never find someone else like her, as simple as that. Where he had once chastised himself for finding her human traits irresistible, he now, in no small part due to the Supreme Intelligence’s encouragement, let himself fully bask in how much he enjoyed her human nature. 

Despite his efforts to subdue her human emotions, it turned out that those emotions made her a much more responsive and eager sexual partner. Sex for her was so much more than achieving satisfaction on a physical level—the whole act of intercourse for her was a journey, and she was invested in every small turn it took. 

When they were caught up, he could make her moan just by gliding his hands over her thighs or by teasing her nipples with the slightest touch or sometimes simply kissing her deeply was enough. She was so willing to show how much his touch affected her, whether by a sigh that built into a satisfying scream or by the way she pressed herself harder against him, as if she were trying to become part of him. She was so easy to please and so ready to _ show _him how much he pleased her. She’d do almost anything he asked, and he’d find himself asking her to do things to him he’d never asked of anyone else, just to see how far she was willing to go. He was rarely disappointed. Vers was easily the most entertaining and gratifying fuck he’d ever had, not that he would ever admit that to her.

The fact that they were set on a path to minimize her human emotions disappointed him when he thought about how it would eventually affect their sexual relationship. As she became more Kree, as he molded her into the perfect soldier and the perfect weapon, she would undoubtedly start to lose her human responsiveness to physical intimacy. It struck him as ironic that he should be getting so much pleasure from something he was working so hard to deplete. 

But his pleasure mattered little when faced with a greater picture. Their futures were dependent on her usefulness as a weapon, not her usefulness in bed. Perhaps shifting his view of her to the new view the Supreme Intelligence had given him would benefit him as they moved forward. He needed to see less of these things in her that he delighted in and craved, because someday they would be gone. But they would both be better for it.

“How do you see me when we’re alone?” Vers asked, breaking the silence in his bedroom.

“What do you mean?” Yon-Rogg had the briefest moment of panic, fearing that she had somehow heard his thoughts.

Vers clarified, “Do you still think of me as a subordinate when it’s just us?”

He let out a sigh, feeling ridiculous for having worried. 

“I _ am _ your commander, Vers,” he said, lightly, almost emanating the sarcastic tone that usually came from her.

“Even now?” her voice sounded small, unsure of herself. 

He sighed again, thinking over the best way to answer her. “Our ranks don’t matter to anyone else when we’re in private like this.”

“But do they matter to _ you_?”

He took a moment, then said, “I suppose not.”

“Hmm.”

“What?”

“That just wasn’t a very convincing answer, that’s all.”

“And what exactly am I supposed to be convincing you of?”

He felt her stiffen in his arms and then she sat up, pulling the sheets up over her chest. She had a habit of hiding herself when she became even the slightest bit frustrated with him.

“Vers…”

“I don’t like feeling like I’m less than you when we’re together.”

He sat up, shifting himself so he could face her, but she wouldn’t look at him. She was so childish sometimes, but he was used to it.

“You’re not less than me, Vers,” he said. “When it’s you and me, and no one else, we’re the same. You know this.”

“Do I?” she was staring ahead at nothing.

“What makes you doubt it?”

She flicked her glance to him, then sighed and looked down.

“You have to tell me, Vers. I don’t know how to help if I don’t know what I’m helping with.”

“My powers,” she finally said. “When you take them away…” She shook her head.

“We discussed this already. Sometimes it’s a relief not to have them in the bed with us.”

“But you don’t have to take them away. I can control them myself now.”

“Not always.”

“If you weren’t my commander, you wouldn’t even have the ability to take them away.”

“But I am your commander, and I know how little control you have over them.”

“That’s what the Supreme Intelligence said.”

“What?”

“Nevermind.”

“Vers, you cannot tell me what the Supreme Intelligence communes with you about. You know that.”

She just shrugged. It was so like her to be off-hand about the most unique and sacred part of being Kree. Her attitude annoyed and angered him on a base level, but on another level he couldn’t quite comprehend, it also endeared her to him. When he looked at her now, he just shook his head.

“The way we’re handling your abilities in our intimate moments is what’s best for now. It won’t always have to be like this.”

“I know.”

“Do you?” 

He gave her a playful nudge, and she looked at him. He could tell she was fighting it, but she couldn’t hold back a grin from him. He smiled back, and then she let a full smile bloom across her face and she rolled her eyes at him. Taking the moment for what it was, he kissed her. As she returned the kiss, he felt secure knowing that he could calm her anxieties so easily. Their future together was still safe.

* * *

For the first time since her new life had begun on Hala, Vers had been dreaming of something other than the attack. At first, she thought it was just a meaningless stream from her subconscious, but a pattern quickly emerged and she grew to expect it every time she went to sleep.

The dream always began with Vers walking toward a building, perhaps a private residence, but it looked completely foreign to anything on Hala. She wasn’t surrounded by cityscape anymore—instead, there were lush trees and green grass and fresh, sweet air. Everything in this dream world seemed softer. When she reached the door of what she decided to call a _ house_, she went inside and a woman greeted her. The woman had short-cropped hair, comforting brown eyes, and a voice that felt like an embrace to Vers. The woman smiled at her and called her a name that didn’t sound quite right, and that Vers could never remember when she woke up.

The first time Vers saw the woman in her dream felt a lot like the first time she had seen her manifestation of the Supreme Intelligence: she felt like she should know her, but she just couldn’t bring up any memories. Unlike the dream of the attack, when Vers woke up, she wasn’t in a panic. At first she would wake up calm, but then a dull aching would come across her. The aching felt familiar, like she had been missing this woman for a long time, if only she could remember who she was.

As night after night passed, Vers ventured further into the realm of this new dream. At first, it always ended right after meeting the woman, but soon Vers began to see the rest of the house. Nothing looked familiar, but everything felt like home. In one dream, Vers looked out a window to see a little girl playing outside and somehow knew this was the woman’s daughter. And Vers knew that she loved that little girl very much.

One night, the dream shifted to a bedroom in the house. The woman had been sitting on the bed and she stood when Vers entered the room. Sunlight poured in through the windows and covered the woman in a golden sheen. Vers ran her hands through the woman’s hair, smiled at her, and then kissed her. Like everything else in the dream, kissing her was soft and comforting. Without a single doubt in her mind, Vers knew that in this dream she adored this woman with all her being. She made love to the woman, and it felt more real and vibrant and true than anything she had in the waking world.

Vers could never remember what she and the woman talked about in any of the dreams, or if they even spoke at all, except for one instance that she could never make sense of.

In the dream, when Vers was standing up from the bed she shared with the woman, the woman grabbed her hand, urgently. When Vers turned to look at her, the woman said, in a voice that felt far too afraid for the soft world they were in, “Don’t tell him.”

* * *

Vers kept the dream to herself for a while. She felt like sharing it would expose some secret and intimate part of her that she wasn’t ready to give up, especially now that she had already given up her powers when they were alone. Although she knew there was no part of her that Yon-Rogg hadn’t become familiar with at this point, it took her weeks to decide that she should tell him about this.

“I’ve been having a new dream,” she said to him one evening when she had mustered the courage to expose herself.

“Good or bad?”

She wanted to say that the dream was better than anything she had ever experienced during her time on Hala, that it gave her the sense of home she had been longing to find. After a moment of hesitation, she said, “I don’t know.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You don’t know?”

“No, not really,” she continued to lie. “It feels like a good dream when I’m having it but then…I don’t know, it’s stupid.”

“What’s happening in this dream?”

“There’s a woman. She’s a woman I haven’t seen before, or at least I don’t think I’ve seen before, but I _ know _ her. It’s like…like, I don’t know, like…” Vers considered how much she should tell him, but he was looking at her expectantly. She had to look down as she took a breath and then said, “I’m in love with her. I think we live together and sometimes there’s a kid in the dream. I’m so happy with her, but then I wake up and it’s gone.”

He sighed. “It’s just a dream, Vers.”

She knew he would say something like that, but she wasn’t going to let him convince her that easily.

“But what if they’re _ memories_?” she insisted. “What if I really did know this woman? Maybe if I keep having the dreams, I’ll remember and I can find her.”

“You know that’s a dangerous hope to latch onto.”

She realized then that this was why she had been hesitant to tell him. She had wanted to be excited about this new possibility, but she knew he wouldn’t share her outlook.

“But it could happen,” she said, dejected. “The only other dream I keep having consistently is the memory of the attack. I feel like this has to be another memory.”

“But it’s just a feeling, and you know you can’t trust those.”

“Why can’t you just admit that I might be right about this?”

“You could be right, Vers, I’ll admit it. But I don’t think you should focus so much energy on this. You’re distracting yourself.”

“How is having a dream a distraction? I’m sleeping when it happens, what else am I supposed to do? Aren’t you always telling me I need to sleep more?”

“You know what I mean.”

“So you think I should just ignore this? This might be the key to everything I’m missing.” She was saying this just as much for herself to hear as she was saying it for him. “I can’t ignore that.”

The way he seemed to be contemplating her words made her hold her breath.

“If you’re that convinced,” he finally said, “I think you should converse with the Supreme Intelligence about it. That’s the only way we can figure out what this dream really means.”

She exhaled. “Really?”

“Yes. If this truly is a memory, then the Supreme Intelligence will be able to tell and you will have clarity.”

“Would it be possible to converse with the Intelligence today?”

“If you’d like, I don’t see why not.”

* * *

Vers tried to tamp down her anticipation, she didn’t want it showing in her movements or her facial expressions, or, worse, to fully reach her brain and settle in as hope. Of course, the Supreme Intelligence would be able to recognize how much Vers was counting on this dream to be something more, but she wanted to make an attempt at rationality all the same.

Yon-Rogg insisted that he should go with her in case this dream turned out to be anything significant. He suggested that they use the communication pad at the Starforce center in order to spare themselves a trip through the city to get to the temple. Vers didn’t care where she got to commune, as long as she was able to get answers, so she followed Yon-Rogg where he led her.

Once Vers was standing on the communication pad, Yon-Rogg stood in front of her for a moment, hesitating.

“What?” Vers said.

“Nothing, it’s just…” he sighed. “I hope you find the answers you’re looking for.”

Vers nodded and closed her eyes. She could hear Yon-Rogg’s footsteps backing away as the silver veins travelled up her body. When she opened her eyes, she pushed back an excited smile as the Supreme Intelligence simulated in front of her.

“You’re in a rather good mood, aren’t you, Vers?” the Supreme Intelligence said as it solidified into the green eyed woman.

“I’ve had a new dream, Intelligence,” Vers said.

“I see that.” The Supreme Intelligence stepped towards Vers, hands clasped behind its back. “You think perhaps this is a memory breaking through?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Well, then, let’s take a look at what we have here…” The Supreme Intelligence lifted a hand and a great silver, liquid metallic wall rose in front of them. Vers took a step back and watched as a blurry image came into focus on the wall.

“That’s my dream,” Vers said, almost breathless. “That’s the house I keep seeing every night, and that…that’s the woman.”

“Do you know who she is?”

“No, but…she feels—”

“Familiar.”

“Yes.”

Vers watched the scenes from her dream coming to life before her and her heart fluttered. An image of the woman picking up the little girl and laughing played out on the screen. Vers could feel herself being embraced by them. She smiled and her eyes started to water.

“I haven’t seen that part before,” she said. “These _ are _my memories.”

The Supreme Intelligence looked on silently as more of the dream unfolded, and Vers barely noticed the way she herself was also being watched.

“Your mind has indeed recovered a stream of memories,” the Supreme Intelligence said, stepping closer to Vers.

“So I was right?” Vers let out an exhale that sounded almost like a laugh. She couldn’t help herself from smiling, as she looked to the Supreme Intelligence and said, “The first time we met, you told me that you could only help me recover my memories if my mind allowed a strand to come through. If it’s come through now, does that mean we can trace it and find more memories?”

“Yes, this memory can give me access to an entire network of memories stemming from this. Ultimately, this single memory will give you a broader sense of your past and who you are.”

Vers could hardly believe what she was hearing. She had been right about this dream and now she would be able to uncover more of who she was. She might even be able to find this dream woman once her memory had been fully recovered. She was so close to getting back everything she had lost, and possibly even more. In this moment, she was filled with hope.

Vers asked, “Will you help me, Intelligence?”

“Of course, Vers. Just stand still and stay calm.”

Vers felt something at her feet and looked down to see the metallic liquid flowing up her, much in the same way it did when she stepped onto the communication pad that led her to this simulation. This time, however, the metallic liquid was less like veins and more like a sheet of water flowing up and over her, encapsulating her completely. The liquid had reached up to her waist.

“Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Vers,” the Supreme Intelligence said. “You really are becoming a credit to what Kree can achieve.”

This statement slightly confused Vers, but she didn’t have time to overthink it. The liquid was closing in over her chest, and it felt tight. Vers looked at her memories that were still playing out on the wall in front of them. The woman’s face was smiling at her, but then it flickered.

The images on the wall were fading in and out, sparking and wavering as the liquid flowed up the back of Vers’s neck, to her chin. When it reached her mouth, she suddenly felt as if it had flowed down her throat and that she might be choking, and it just kept moving over her, into her. She couldn’t fight it and she tried to stay calm.

Then the images of her dream began merging with memories of Hala, and they weren’t just on the wall, they were shifting in her head, too. Instead of seeing the woman lying next to her in bed, she saw Yon-Rogg, felt him holding her. The liquid on her seemed to constrict, squeezing her from the outside while pushing into her lungs. Her entire mind and body was flooded with images and sensations of Yon-Rogg. Vers felt like she couldn’t breathe as the liquid reached her eyes and everything went black.

* * *

Yon-Rogg knew exactly what was going to happen to Vers in that session. He knew she would open herself up, ready and hopeful to learn more about the memory that had broke through into her dreams. And he knew that the Supreme Intelligence would take it from her, one way or another. The memory was a crack in their plan for her that had to be sealed before it threatened everything they were working towards.

When Vers woke from her meeting with the Supreme Intelligence, there was something _ less _about her, as though she had shrunk. Maybe it was the way she carried herself, maybe her shoulders slouched more than they had before her meeting with the Supreme Intelligence. Yon-Rogg approached her.

“How did it go?”

“Fine.” Her voice was flat.

He took a moment to consider how he should verbalize his next question, treading carefully. “Did you learn anything?”

“Learn anything?” She gave him a blank look.

“About your dreams, I mean.”

“Nothing new, really. My dream of the attack will continue to haunt me as long as I let it.” Her words sounded robotic, like someone else had inserted the phrase into her head. He briefly wondered if those words had come from him.

“That’s all?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm.”

So the memory of the woman had been taken away from her. It was a simple solution to the problem. Yet Yon-Rogg felt like something else had been taken from Vers. As they made their way through the Starforce center, she was silent. She stared ahead as they walked, as if she weren’t actually present. He walked with her to her apartment and when they reached it, she finally spoke again.

“Come inside with me,” she said.

“You should get some rest.”

“I will, I just…I want you to come inside with me.”

She resumed her silence as they entered. He watched her take off her shoes and walk towards her window. She hadn’t turned the lights on, but the neon glow from the city spilled in and illuminated the space. With her back to him, she started to undress. He didn’t move, just stood watching her. There was something ethereal about her in the half dark. He felt as if the darkness was pouring from her, as if all the empty spaces the Supreme Intelligence had imposed within her could permeate everything around her. Tonight, she had transformed into a black hole. He moved towards her.

“Yon.” She was the only person who could use half his name. “I want you to take off your clothes. Then I want you to touch me and pretend I’m someone else.”

“What?”

“Just do it. Please.”

He obeyed and undressed in front of her window. But he couldn’t pretend she was someone else. He couldn’t pretend there was another darkness he wanted to be drawn into the way he wanted to be drawn into hers. Maybe she could sense this disobedience in him. When he touched his fingertips to her, she didn’t move. He traced the skin of her back, her shoulder, her arm, and he listened to her breathing. He moved his fingertips to her stomach and he stood in front of her. Now her body was cast in complete shadow—half hers, half his.

He knelt before her and rested his head against her abdomen, wrapping his arms around her waist. She stood motionless and he held her tighter. Holding her was volatile, foolish even. She was a weapon. She was a weapon that would destroy him if this dark veil were ever lifted from her. But he wanted to hold her until he became a part of her so integral that all she could see would be him. He could feel his warm blood under her skin.

* * *

Vers was numb. Even as Yon-Rogg touched her and held her, she felt numb. She closed her eyes and pretended she wasn’t herself, pretended she was someone who could feel and remember things. She stood with Yon-Rogg pressed against her for a while as she drifted through the fog in her mind. And that was all it was: fog. Her mind was fog and all she saw was fog and all she felt was fog. When her hands were touching Yon-Rogg, she knew they weren’t really her hands because she wasn’t really feeling anything.

She let the body she was in make all the movements while she tried to connect to it. Yon-Rogg moved his hands to her waist and kissed her stomach. His mouth trailed to her thighs. She parted her legs for him and felt his tongue move inside her. But that was all she felt. She waited for his motions to ignite something in her, but he was only a mouth. She slid her hands through his hair and tilted his head back.

“Kiss me,” she said.

He pushed himself off his knees and stood over her. There was a slowness in his movements, and she couldn’t tell if she was imagining it or not. When he kissed her, it was intentional and gentle. It wasn’t how he usually kissed her. Her eyes were open and she looked out at the city as she tried to kiss him back.

Instead of being present in the room with her body, she felt as though she was floating above the buildings, absorbing the glow and the pulse of everything below her. She closed her eyes. She didn’t like the sensation of her body being so far away from her.

With her eyes closed, Yon-Rogg’s body against hers became enough of a force to distract her if she let it. She relinquished herself to him. He took her to her bed, and as he entered her, she heard herself moan his name for him.

He was heavy on her, as if his whole body was sinking into hers, overcoming her until she was nothing but the shadow beneath him. His breath on her was damp and warm, soaking into her skin and running into the blood that had once been his blood. The smell of him surrounded and engulfed her, filling her lungs. The way he permeated her made her feel as if he had always been there, even before the accident that brought them together. She felt as if he would always be like this to her and that someday she would no longer be able to tell the difference between herself and him.

As he thrust into her over and over, a sharp emptiness grabbed hold of her gut and clawed up to her throat. She gasped for air as he sighed her name.

When he finished, she felt herself settling back into her body. She was tired and sore all over and her lungs were burning. They lay next to each other in silence. Once his breathing had begun to even out, he said, “Were you pretending for me just now?”

Her response came slow. “Why do you ask that?”

“Your hands weren’t glowing.”

“I thought you took my powers away again.”

“I didn’t. You know I always tell you when I do that.”

“Oh. Well, I assumed you did anyway.”

“You don’t have to lie to me and pretend you enjoyed yourself if you didn’t.”

“I’m not lying.” She rolled to her side, her back to him. “I’m just tired.”

The bed sunk and rose as Yon-Rogg stood up. The rustle of fabric meant he was getting dressed and would be leaving her alone. Neither of them said anything as he left. She fell asleep and dreamt of nothing.


	6. Omnipresence

Vers decided the shooting range might help her get her focus back. All she had to do was aim her gun, shoot, and hit the targets. The only flaw in this plan was that she wasn’t hitting many targets. She would narrow in on the point she wanted to hit, but when she pulled the trigger, her shot was off. She could usually get herself back into the game after a misfire, but the fog that had invaded her mind last night was still clinging to her and she couldn’t push it away.

“Where’s your head at?” Minn-Erva’s voice came from behind her. Vers turned around.

“What do you want?”

“It’s not like you to miss so many shots.”

“That feels like a compliment to my normal performance.”

“It’s not. I’m criticizing whatever you’re doing right now.”

“Well, I’m not in the mood, so maybe just act like I’m not here.”

“Believe me, I’d love to do that, but if we were called onto a mission right now, I need to know your head is with us.”

Vers just rolled her eyes and turned back to face the targets. She hoisted her gun up and tried to aim, but she could feel Minn-Erva watching her. When she fired, she missed the target again.

“Wow.” Minn-Erva laughed and Vers clenched her jaw. “This is sad, even for you.”

“Maybe I was aiming where I hit.” Vers tried to aim again.

“You’re not focusing.”

“You sound like Yon-Rogg.”

“Maybe you’re spending too much time with him.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Vers lowered her gun and Minn-Erva stepped closer.

“I’m just saying he has a way of getting into your head. Trust me, I used to be where you are.”

Vers raised her eyebrows. She doubted Minn-Erva had been sleeping with Yon-Rogg, but there wasn’t anything she could say about that right now. Or ever. Even so, she wondered exactly what would happen if she did say something about it to her. Vers knew all too well that Minn-Erva used to be Yon-Rogg’s favorite until she herself came into the picture. What if Minn-Erva had been sleeping with Yon-Rogg, too, and he had also asked her not to say anything?

“You’re uncharacteristically quiet,” Minn-Erva said.

A moment ticked by and Yon-Rogg’s reasoning in her head won. Vers shrugged and said, “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Since when do you care what I do or don’t want you to say?”

“Touché.”

“What?”

“Never mind.”

“Whatever.” Minn-Erva sighed. “Just stop thinking about whatever it is you’re thinking about and think about the target. If you have to, condense all your thoughts into one small grain, and put that on the target.”

Vers squinted at Minn-Erva out of the corner of her eye. It wasn’t like Minn-Erva to give her helpful advice out of her own volition, but she was the best sniper on Starforce, so Vers took this moment for what it was. She raised her gun back up and focused down the barrel towards the target across the range. She imagined the fog in her head swirling into the target. As the fog swirled into one small pin-point, it pulled with it Yon-Rogg’s voice telling her not to lie to him, telling her to keep them a secret, calling her emotional. She pulled the trigger and hit the target.

“Good,” Minn-Erva said. “Now keep doing that so you don’t get us all killed.”

* * *

Vers was sent to commune with the Supreme Intelligence again, and the frequency of their meetings was starting to strike her as odd. She wasn’t losing control of her powers as much as she used to, and she didn’t think she had been doing anything else to raise this level of concern, so these unusual check-ups made her uneasy. But she also knew that it wasn’t her place to question it. She steeled herself as she stood on the communication pad, ready to submit to whatever the Supreme Intelligence wanted from her.

“You’ve been making progress, Vers,” the Supreme Intelligence said as Vers opened her eyes to the great, simulated expanse and the woman with the stunning green eyes.

“I’m glad to hear that, Intelligence.”

“Would you be glad to hear that your commander is proud of your progress?”

“Yes, Intelligence.”

“Oh, Vers, there’s no need to act so stoic with me right now. There are no secrets between us. I know how happy it makes you to know that he takes pride in you.”

“I’m happy to know that my efforts and progress are a recognized attribute to Starforce.”

“It’s more than that to Yon-Rogg. He loves you, Vers.”

Vers swallowed, unsure how to respond. The Supreme Intelligence telling her this felt odd.

“You’ve been trained to manage your emotions, and that has tremendous value, but there is no dishonor in letting your affections for someone be acknowledged. The Kree are a dedicated people in all they do, including love.”

“Are you giving me relationship advice?”

“Your relationship with Yon-Rogg has been monumental to your Starforce training and your adjustments to your new life. You are not allowing yourself to recognize your feelings for him out of a fear you will lose control of yourself. I am telling you that it is acceptable for any Kree to feel a passionate bond to a lover. Your feelings and dedication to him will not hinder the progress you have been making.”

“Why are my feelings for him important enough to commune with you about? Isn’t this kind of…insignificant?”

“If you were anyone else, perhaps. The gift you were given makes this issue somewhat more significant to me. I want you to be the best you can be for the good of all Kree. Recognizing the depths of your devotion to Yon-Rogg can only help move you forward. In time, I believe it is this devotion that will help you let go of the past that you lost.” 

“My duty to Starforce rises above personal devotions. That’s enough for me.”

“But it hasn’t been, Vers. You’re still struggling with your past. Focus on your present and your future—both with Starforce _ and _ Yon-Rogg.”

* * *

Despite the Supreme Intelligence’s peculiar urging, Vers couldn’t tell anymore if having sex with Yon-Rogg really meant anything to her. She still found herself enjoying it when she was caught up in the moment of release. And she enjoyed him—she enjoyed his company, she enjoyed his friendship and his mentorship. But the moment they were pressed against each other, bodies heaving and breathing, she felt like she had become something else.

When the door was closed in one of their apartments and they were alone together, her body became a question she needed him to answer: _ How do you want me? _ Whether she was straddled on top of him or held beneath him or pressed against a wall while he pushed deep inside her, it was a question she could always get an answer to.

Being with Yon-Rogg meant that she wasn’t with her doubts or her anxieties or her nightmares. Sleeping with him was just another facet to their relationship and there was a peculiar comfort in the consistency of it. She focused on being with him and didn’t have to focus on herself. It was a distraction until he wasn’t filling her anymore, until she wasn’t touching him, until she was herself again. Then she was empty.

So she always came to him. And he always let her.

* * *

Yon-Rogg could no longer imagine a life without Vers. Above all, he was a man devoted to Kree, and his relationship with Vers was synonymous with that devotion. He was ignited by the possibility of what she could do for Kree—what their relationship could do.

Where he had once been ashamed of his lust for her, he now let it grow and reveled in it. She gave him a rush unlike any other he had ever experienced. When he was inside her, he knew what magnificent energy roiled just beneath her skin. And he knew that he had not only the power to subdue that energy, but also the power to hold her beneath him. The ego he stroked from winning every spar against her was nothing compared to the pleasure he got from feeling her abandon herself to him.

Sometimes, when just the thought of that pleasure overtook him, he had to relieve the feeling without her. It happened in the mornings or nights when she wasn’t with him, on days when their lives made it impossible for them to be locked away alone together. So he was locked away with himself, one hand pressed to the wall and the other on his cock.

Each touch and stroke brought a thought of her to his mind. He summoned the feeling of her legs tangled with his, of the way her legs parted for him, of heat rising to her surface and burning into him. He imagined her being with him for years to come and he imagined her carrying his child. He didn’t particularly want to be a father, not when had such a great responsibility to Kree, but he wanted her children to be _ his_. He wanted her legacy to be his. Through her, he would be the father to a new, more powerful Kree.

When he came, he came to this ideation of their future.

* * *

The team had been summoned by Yon-Rogg to a mission meeting. Most of them arrived at the Starforce headquarters early, anxious to be on time and spare themselves a reprimand for tardiness. The group stood waiting for their commander. They waited and waited and waited some more.

“Are we all sure that Yon-Rogg actually called this meeting?” Vers said to her silent teammates.

“Are you questioning all of us?” Korath said, genuinely offended.

“No, just Yon-Rogg,” Vers said.

“It’s not your place to question him,” Korath said. “He is your commander and you owe him your respect.”

“I respect him,” Vers defended herself. “I spend more time with him than any of you. I wouldn’t do that if I didn’t respect him.”

Minn-Erva raised an eyebrow. “So that’s what you call what you do with him? Respect?”

The team shared silent, knowing glances with each other, and then they were all looking at her, waiting for her comeback. They all knew about her and Yon-Rogg, she realized. Her stomach started to twist and she could feel heat rising to her cheeks. She clenched her fists, frustrated that their judgment had this affect on her. She looked at Att-Lass, but he just slightly shook his head, as if to say it hadn’t been him. Korath was still glaring at her, Bron-Char wasn’t even looking at her anymore, and Minn-Erva was giving her an oddly satisfied smirk.

Yon-Rogg’s warnings echoed in her brain, and something in Vers snapped.

“I mean, it’s not entirely respectful,” Vers said, “but that’s part of what makes it fun, I guess. At least it’s fun for him.”

“Are you bragging about disrespecting the commander?” Korath asked, apparently oblivious to the implications.

“Oh, you would be too if he fucked you the ways he fucks me.”

“Seriously?” Minn-Erva rolled her eyes.

“No, no, you guys wanted to hear this, right? You all know what’s going on anyway, so here it is: The commander doesn’t seem to mind when I disrespect him—it gets him excited. He likes being pinned down as long as it’s in private and I’m not using my gifts, although that wasn’t always how it was. He really used to enjoy being in pain and, you know what else? So did I. Maybe if you guys all tried pushing him around a little, he’d spend some private time with you too, and then you wouldn’t have to judge the time I spend with him.”

The surrounding silence was deafening until Minn-Erva groaned. “You’re unbelievable.”

“What’s unbelievable is how late Yon-Rogg is to his own—”

“Vers,” the sound of Yon-Rogg’s voice and his sudden presence made everyone stand up straight and shift their gazes away from each other. “That’s enough of you mouthing off in front of everyone.”

“I wasn’t—”

“Quiet,” the word came out of Yon-Rogg harsh and sharp, and Vers felt it in her neck in a sting, almost as if he had used her implant to physically shock her. She brought her hand to her neck and clenched her jaw. He was glaring hard at her and she was certain he had heard the entire conversation before he had made his presence known. She felt her face burning as she stared back at him.

“We have an important mission today,” Yon-Rogg began, taking his gaze away from Vers and pulling up a hologram from his gauntlet. “There are reports of a Skrull spy here in the city. We are going undercover as civilians to locate the spy. Keep a low profile and restrain from using force or approaching any suspects unless absolutely necessary. When the spy is located, wait for orders so we can avoid causing a panic.”

“How are we going to avoid creating a panic if the Skrull is in the middle of a crowd when we find it?” Vers questioned. 

Yon-Rogg looked at her through the hologram. “Like I said: restraint. Control yourself.”

Vers could feel the rest of the team watching her and she bit her tongue.

Yon-Rogg continued, “We will be singling ourselves out to cover more ground, but keep your comms open for orders. Be responsive to the rest of the team. Effective communication will be key if we’re going to covertly capture the Skrull.” 

* * *

“Does anyone have eyes yet?” Yon-Rogg’s voice was in Vers’s ear. She rolled her eyes and adjusted her earpiece.

“Negative,” Minn-Erva’s voice came next. The rest of the team’s negative replies shortly followed.

“Vers,” Yon-Rogg said. “Vers, do you copy?”

“I copy,” she said, slowly making her way through the sidewalks of lower Hala, taking in the face of every person she passed.

“Do you have eyes?” Yon-Rogg said, his tone was calm, but Vers could still feel the way he would be glaring at her.

“Negative,” she said.

Yon-Rogg gave a few more orders as Vers kept walking. There were brief exchanges between the team, but no leads on the Skrull spy. Then, when Vers was beginning to think she had taken in every face on Hala, she focused on a young boy walking alone that she was certain she had already seen walking with his parents.

“I have something,” Vers said, starting to follow the boy, keeping a safe distance between them.

“Vers, do not approach the suspect until one of us can get to you,” Yon-Rogg ordered. “I’m transmitting your location to the rest of the team now. I repeat, Vers, do not approach the suspect yet.”

“Copy,” Vers said. She followed the suspect towards the public train, her heart beating faster as the boy moved away from her through the crowd. “Is anyone else nearby yet?”

“I’m closing in on your location,” came Att-Lass’s voice. “Approximately five minutes.”

“That’s too long,” Vers said. The crowds were getting denser and it was getting harder to keep a view of the boy. “Suspect is heading towards the train. We might lose him if I don’t close in now.”

“Maintain your distance, Vers. Control yourself.” Yon-Rogg’s tone came off as less than cool to Vers and it prickled at her skin. He didn’t trust her to make the right call.

“I have to close in,” Vers said, starting to push her way through the crowd in a more forceful way.

“Vers, do not close in on the suspect! That is an order. Maintain your position.”

But she was already a few steps away from the boy. She reached for his shoulder and turned him around. The look he gave her was pure, innocent shock. Then she felt a hand grab her own shoulder and she turned to see Yon-Rogg. The frustration in the look he gave her punched her in the gut, and then he turned his attention to the boy.

“My apologies,” he said to the boy. “We thought you were someone else.”

Vers watched as the boy all but dashed away from them to the train. Yon-Rogg motioned for her to follow him.

“Everyone report back to base,” Yon-Rogg said into his comm as they walked. “The mission is over.”

* * *

“You disobeyed direct orders, Vers,” Yon-Rogg barked, calling her out in front of the rest of the team back at the Starforce center.

“I had to make a decision on my own,” she defended herself.

“No, you had to obey orders,” Yon-Rogg said. “This was not a real mission. This was a test, and you failed it.”

“What?” Vers felt a nauseating heat rise through her. She willed herself not to look anyone in the eye.

“This was a test of the team’s ability to communicate and obey orders before taking action. Everyone else obeyed, except you, Vers.”

“I thought the boy was a Skrull,” Vers said. “You told us there was a Skrull. I couldn’t let him get away.”

“It doesn’t _ matter _what you thought,” his volume wavered, “it matters what you were told.”

“And I was told there was a Skrull in the city.”

Yon-Rogg clenched his jaw. “You made a call you weren’t given permission to make. You would have jeopardized the rest of the team and the civilians around you if we had been in real danger.”

“But—”

“Why are you continuing to question me?”

Vers felt everyone’s eyes on her. This, coupled with her outburst from earlier, made her wish she could simply sink into the floor. She had made a complete fool of herself today and she knew she wouldn’t be able to rise above that for a while, as far as the rest of the team was concerned. She held her tongue for the rest of the debriefing, all the while feeling the odd glance directed at her.

When the meeting was over and the team was given permission to leave, Att-Lass fell into stride beside her.

“Is everything alright with you?” he asked.

Vers didn’t know how to answer that. She didn’t know what kind of answer Att-Lass was looking for, or if he wanted the truth, assuming she could sort through all the shit in her brain and form a coherent answer that wouldn’t make her look like even more of an idiot.

The answer she decided on was, “I’m fine.”

Att-Lass didn’t have time to respond when Yon-Rogg marched up behind them.

“Vers,” Yon-Rogg’s tone towards her was shockingly harsh. “Vers, we need to talk.”

“Ok,” Vers held her chin up and crossed her arms, “so talk.”

“Your tone is far too comfortable.”

“Whatever made you think I was _ comfortable _ around you?”

“I will reprimand you for insubordination, Vers.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“This is your last warning.”

Vers looked Yon-Rogg in the eye, trying to assess him. The lines in his face were growing hard as he looked at her with more silent rage than she had ever seen in his face. For a moment, she felt as if she had shrunk.

“What has gotten into you, Vers?” he hissed at her. Then he looked over at Att-Lass, as if realizing he was still standing there. “You can leave now, Att-Lass.”

Att-Lass nodded and hurried away. Yon-Rog watched him then redirected his glare back to Vers.

“You deliberately disobeyed my orders to keep our private relationship exactly that: private.”

“They already knew,” Vers said.

“You disrespected me in front of everyone. You gave them vulgar, unnecessary, and untrue details.”

“Untrue?” Vers couldn’t help but laugh. She watched Yon-Rogg clench his jaw and tilt his head slightly, warning her.

“Is this a joke to you?” he said.

“I don’t know what this is to me, but it’s not a joke.”

“Your actions suggest otherwise. You disobeyed direct orders in the field today, after you made a mockery of me to the team. You could have put us all in danger. You are out of control. I should have you suspended from service.”

“Suspend me, then. Show everyone how much control you have over me, since I have no control over myself, apparently.”

“I know you think that would give me great pleasure,” he said. “You think I relish in causing you pain, but you could not be more wrong. I have risked my entire reputation and my career for _ you_. I have given you everything, and this is how you repay me.”

Vers squared her shoulders, and stepped closer to him. She could feel herself trembling as she said, “I’ve given you everything, too.”

“Really?” he almost laughed. “Tell me, Vers, what exactly have you given me?”

Vers’s hands were growing warm. A million quips and comebacks darted through her brain, but exasperation left her speechless. She and Yon-Rogg were silent and staring at each other. The only sound was the buzzing from her neck. His eyes flicked to her hands, which she knew were glowing, and then he looked back to her face. The buzzing stopped. The look he gave her made her feel sick.

Without a word, Vers balled her fists and turned away. She couldn’t stand to look at Yon-Rogg right now and she didn’t care what the consequences would be for walking away. As she stormed off, she heard him utter a dry laugh, as though she were just a child throwing a ridiculous tantrum.

She continued to ignore him as he called after her, “As usual, your emotions are your greatest weakness, Vers. They are going to destroy you if you don’t learn to control them.”

* * *

Vers was now familiar enough with Hala to be able to walk through it in a blind rage and still find her way to where she wanted to be. The different layers of the city, the glowing signs, and the crowded streets no longer felt foreign. They had become a buzzing backdrop that accentuated the vast darkness that was filling her. It was a blackness that felt and sounded like Yon-Rogg and no matter how fast she walked, she couldn’t get away from him. She wanted him out.

When Vers reached her destination, she paused in front of the entrance. If she did this, she couldn’t take it back. Something, or someone, in her head was telling her to just go home, to just go to bed and stop acting out because of her emotions. She shook her head, took a deep breath, and went inside.

“Welcome to the Sector 53 Pleasure Center,” a woman approached Vers and greeted her as she walked in. The space took her by surprise. She had pictured a wild party of sorts, with neon lighting, intoxicated people, and loud music. But the scene she found herself in was more like a pleasant waiting room. The room was filled with soft colors, in relaxing contrast to the harsh neons just outside the door. There were lush, cushioned seating areas sectioned off with transparent screens, and Vers observed a few people seated and scrolling through some sort of menus.

“My name is Ux-Ora,” the woman who had approached Vers said. “How can we assist you this evening?”

Vers tried to smile, tried to make herself look like she did this all the time and she just wanted to come in and get her regular, whatever that meant. She brushed away the thought that her “regular” was actually Yon-Rogg shutting off her powers and fucking her with an aggression she was starting to resent.

Vers cleared her throat, “I just want to be alone with someone.”

“Of course,” Ux-Ora said, gesturing for her to follow her to one of the cozy seating areas. “We offer plenty of one-on-one options, as well as a variety of multiples for you to join if you prefer that instead at any time.”

“No, just one person.” Vers looked at the couch-like seat she had been brought to, but she didn’t sit down. “Is this where I’m supposed to...you know, do it?”

“Oh, no, of course not. You will be given a private room. This is just the welcome center. We’ll help you arrange everything here and keep you comfortable while you wait.”

“I see.” Vers still wouldn’t sit down. It felt so odd to be arranging a sexual encounter in such an open space. But if Ux-Ora found Vers’s behavior strange, she didn’t show it.

“Why don’t you tell me a little about what you’re looking for tonight,” Ux-Ora said. “My internal database will compile our options and I can pull them onto the screen for you.”

Vers looked the woman up and down, as if just seeing her. “Are you an artificial intelligence?”

“Yes, I am,” Ux-Ora smiled. “I was designed solely to help you find the pleasure you need.”

“Sometimes I feel like that’s why I’m here too.”

Ux-Ora blinked with polite confusion. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

“Just ignore me,” Vers said. “What do you need to know to find me someone?”

After a series of questions about her preferences and what she was looking for, Vers was offered a list of companions to choose from. As she scrolled through her options on the screen, she began to feel like she was making a mistake. But then, a pretty, welcoming face stood out from the rest. She wasn’t sure if she was attracted to the face or just liked that it was essentially the opposite of Yon-Rogg, so she went with it. Once the decision had been made, she was assigned a room and led there by Ux-Ora.

The room was simple yet elegant, and much larger than her Starforce quarters. There was a large bed in the center, and Vers imagined it could fit three people comfortably. Grazing her fingers over the comforter, she found it was much softer than she had expected. As she looked around, she realized everything in the room was soft and welcoming—even the lighting had a soft, warm glow. It was such a contrast to what she had grown used to with Starforce. She felt a slow, dull pain creeping into the base of her skull.

Then a woman entered the room. She was clad in a flowing white and silver robe, tied at the waist, the material almost sheer enough to see her blue form through it. Her eye shadow and the highlights of her cheekbones had been brushed with a subtle shimmery makeup that seemed to change color as she moved. She had long, dark hair, pulled back from her face in a high ponytail that cascaded down her back in thick waves. She was even more lovely in person than she appeared in her database photo.

“Hello, Vers,” she said, her voice as smooth and as gentle as she looked. “My name is Gyn-Aíka.”

“Hi,” Vers made herself say, overcoming her speechlessness at the sight of her. “I’ve…I’ve never done this before.”

“Done what, exactly?” Gyn-Aíka gave her an easy yet wry smile.

“Been to a pleasure center.”

“I’m honored to be your first pleasure center experience, Vers,” she said. “And you should know that I’m very eager to express my gratitude for your commitment to Starforce and to Kree.”

“Well, uh, thanks. We don’t have to talk about Starforce though…I need something else on my mind tonight.”

“Of course,” Gyn-Aíka said, moving towards Vers. “I’m here to do whatever you want.”

Vers just swallowed. Logically, she knew what she should be doing: she should be reaching for Gyn-Aíka, untying her robe and kissing down her body. But Vers couldn’t move. Guilt was burning in the back of her mind. Was she here because she wanted to be here, or was she just succumbing to her unreasonable emotions?

“What’s on your mind, Vers?” Gyn-Aíka asked, walking towards the bed and sitting down. She patted the space beside her. After a second of hesitation and admiring the way her body looked beneath the robe, Vers sat next to her.

“Is it ok if we…don’t talk about what’s on my mind?”

“We don’t have to talk at all if that’s what you want.” Gyn-Aíka moved her hand towards Vers’s thigh, grazed her fingers against it. Vers felt herself shiver, both from the other woman’s touch and from the only other memory she had of someone touching her like that.

“I don’t think I want to talk,” Vers said, putting her hand on top of Gyn-Aíka’s and moving it farther up her thigh. Pushing away her uncertainty, she pulled the other woman towards her and kissed her. It was so unlike kissing Yon-Rogg. Gyn-Aíka’s lips were soft, her touch was so kind, and she tasted so sweet, like the memory of…of…

Vers pulled away from the kiss. There was a pounding in her head and it blinded her for a moment.

“Is everything alright?” Gyn-Aíka asked.

“Yeah, yeah, everything is fine.” Vers shook her head, ignoring the darkness that was creeping into her head, then pulled Gyn-Aíka closer again. Her lips grazed the other woman’s, but before she kissed her, she paused and said, “Is it ok to try again?”

Gyn-Aíka laughed and then kissed her. Vers pushed down the ache in her head that throbbed through the intrusive darkness. She found her hands starting to wander over Gyn-Aíka, and she found herself being encouraged by Gyn-Aíka to keep touching her, her hands being guided into the opening of the robe at her chest.

Vers felt a strange urgency setting into her, but not the urgency that came with arousal that she would have expected. She felt as if Gyn-Aíka should be grabbing her hard and shoving her down onto the bed, but that wasn’t what she wanted. Vers was enjoying the gentleness and the softness of this stranger and she wanted to get lost in this moment. But it was as if there was a presence inside her screaming and thrashing, insisting that this wasn’t right, that this wasn’t what she really wanted.

As Gyn-Aíka’s hands moved between Vers’s legs, Vers was pulled into a memory of Yon-Rogg’s hand grabbing her by her crotch and shoving her down to the bed. She felt him entering her and she felt her hands igniting. Gyn-Aíka gasped, and Yon-Rogg was gone. Vers’s hands were still lit.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry!” Vers pushed herself away from the bed, willing her hands to stop. Why hadn’t she thought about her hands?

“Vers, it’s okay,” Gyn-Aíka said.

“No, it’s not, I should’ve warned you that my hands…I should’ve told you that you could get hurt.” Vers suddenly felt like the room was spinning. She couldn’t look at Gyn-Aíka as she stood from the bed.

“You didn’t hurt me. I was just surprised. We can take a moment to discuss the best way to continue for us both, but you don’t have to be embarrassed.”

“I’m not embarrassed.” Vers was very embarrassed, but that was second to another feeling. “I shouldn’t have come. I should go.”

“If that’s what you really want, of course.”

The spinning sensation was getting worse, and all the blank spaces in her mind somehow suddenly filled with memories of Yon-Rogg’s face and touch and voice. She couldn’t seem to think of anything else.

“I’m sorry,” said the part of Vers that was still in the room. Then she left, just as compelled and as blinded as she had been when she made her way to the pleasure center in the first place.

* * *

Vers found herself knocking on Yon-Rogg’s door, and when he answered, she felt an astounding relief to the previously incessant pounding in her head.

“I didn’t expect to see you here tonight,” was his greeting to her.

“I needed to see you,” she said, the desperation in her voice catching them both off guard. His forehead wrinkled as he stepped aside and silently motioned for her to come in. Her shoulder brushed against his chest as she walked past him.

“Something’s off, Vers,” he said as the door closed. “Did something else happen to you tonight? Did you…” He hesitated and leaned towards her, inhaling. “Are you wearing perfume?”

Her pulse quickened as she revealed, “I went to the pleasure center.”

His calm demeanor and general lack of a reaction told her she had upset him. He walked farther into his apartment and she followed.

“I was angry,” she said, defending herself in advance. “I was frustrated and I wanted to…”

“You wanted to what?” he asked, voice even.

“I don’t know,” she said.

“You have every right to go to a pleasure center,” he said, standing before her with his arms crossed, looking at her as if he were simply offering sage advice. “You certainly don’t need to come here to tell me about it.”

“I didn’t come here to tell you about it.”

He just raised an eyebrow.

“I came here because I couldn’t do it,” she said and she stepped towards him. He didn’t move. Part of her wished he would glare at her the way he had earlier that day. She wanted to feel how much he hated her right now, to feel as if her guilt and inability to sleep with someone else was justified.

“So you thought you would come here for comfort after what you did today?”

There it was, that bit of anger Vers was after. “I shouldn’t have said anything to the team, but I was frustrated.”

“It doesn’t matter what you feel.”

“Sometimes it does.”

“Not when it comes to what you did today.”

“What about when it comes to you being the only thing I can think about? What about when I’m trying to be with someone, anyone else, and all I feel is you and it physically hurts me to be with someone that isn’t you? Does it matter what I feel then? Does it matter that I need you on a level I can’t stand or even comprehend? Parts of me are missing, but now you’re in all those parts, and I don’t know what that means!”

Vers took a breath and silence hung between them. Yon-Rogg was coldly regarding her and Vers felt her face growing hotter and hotter. As always, she had lost control of herself in front of him. She had said too much. She had made herself look even weaker than he already thought she was.

“Fuck, just ignore what I said, I shouldn’t have come here.” She turned and headed for his door. She was a step away from exiting when she felt herself being pulled back. She heard the door shut behind her as she was spun around to face Yon-Rogg, her wrists now gripped in his hands, pulled against his chest.

“I don’t understand you,” he said to her. “I wish there was something I could do to get in your head so I could see everything there is to see in you. I want you to become the best you can be, but I don’t understand how to get you there. It’s those missing spaces in you holding us back, and I wish I could let go of them for you, but I can’t. And I can’t give up on you. I need you too, Vers. I need you in ways I never thought I would need anyone.”

She could feel his breath on her face, and his grip on her wrists was starting to hurt. His voice was hard and she could see the frustration building in the lines on his face when he spoke. His anger from earlier that day clearly hadn’t dissipated.

“Show me you need me,” she said to him. “Make me forget the empty spaces. Get rid of them for me.”

The force he kissed her with was enough to make her moan. Her body was crushed against his and her hands were stuck between their chests as he pulled her impossibly close. His hands moved from her back to her waist to her ass, grabbing her hungrily. Every particle in her body was reaching for him, as if she had never touched him before now. She felt like she had to become part of him, become completely bendable to him. A brief memory of kissing the woman at the pleasure center flashed through her mind.

“Take it out on me,” she whispered, her lips against his neck.

“What?” he said.

“I upset you today,” she said. “Take it out on me now.”

He didn’t need more convincing than that. She was pressed against the closed door, her pants being pulled off.

“Take your shirt off,” he ordered, and she did.

He pulled his pants down and was swiftly inside her and she gasped. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he held her up against the door. The feeling of him pushing against her and into her was sharper and clearer than anything she had been feeling with him for weeks. She was moaning and whimpering, louder than she normally would. He put a hand over her mouth and pressed her harder against the door.

“Are you trying to wake up everyone in the block?” he said, but he wasn’t stopping, he just emphasized his words by thrusting into her again. She bit his hand, and when he winced and took it away, she kissed him, biting his lip. She dug her nails into his back. Her hands started to ignite and he held onto her tighter, carrying her away from the door. A surge coursed through her and when it reached her hands, he swore. Almost in slow motion, they collapsed to the floor. He was on top of her.

“You can’t keep losing control,” he said, but he wasn’t taking the power away from her.

“I know,” she moaned. She pressed her hands into him harder, burning him. He leaned into her shoulder, his mouth warm against her as he groaned.

“You smell like the pleasure center,” he breathed.

“All I smell—” she gasped as he bit her shoulder near her neck “—is you. You’re all—you’re everywhere.”

His mouth was on her again, kissing her deeply and enthusiastically. He pulled her up with him, so they were sitting upright on the floor, entangled and sweating. He grabbed her hair and pulled her head back until her entire body arched from the force of it. His other dragged against her lips as it moved down to her neck. For a split second, he gripped her neck, but his hand was quickly replaced by his mouth.

Vers was trembling and heaving with every touch, so calculated and deliberate. His mouth on her neck and his hand grabbing her hair sent shivers through her spine. Then, suddenly, his hands were at her waist and he turned her over. He pressed her into the floor with the weight of his body over hers. He put his hand over her mouth again to stifle her. He didn’t seem to flinch as she bit into his hand harder and harder until she tasted his blood in her mouth.

“Vers,” he breathed her name into her ear, but she could barely comprehend anything he said, his movements over her and into her becoming faster, more determined. “Vers, oh fuck—fuck you, Vers. Fuck, _ fuck_!”

Her hands were spread out on the floor in front of her and she watched them glow, completely unhindered by him. The guilt in her gut began to lift as he came.

* * *

“Are you going to suspend me?” Vers asked. They were sitting on the floor against his bed, cooling down. She eyed her crescent shaped bite mark on his hand, a drying streak of blue blood spread across it. A metallic taste lingered in her mouth.

Yon-Rogg sighed, staring straight ahead, then turned to her, his eyes searching her for a moment.

“You’re still learning, Vers,” he said. “I want to see you thrive, but you cannot let your emotions slip like that again. If you had been anyone else…” He sighed.

“So sleeping with the commander does have its perks.”

“Vers…” He stood up, going to gather their clothes from the floor.

“I’m sorry, too soon?” She stood too, taking her clothes from him.

“You can’t keep making a joke out of everything,” he said. “You have to confront things for what they are.”

She pulled her shirt over her head, then watched him do the same. After a moment, she said, “And what are we?”

“You are…the most incredible individual I have ever met.”

“But what. Are. We?”

“I am your commander.”

Of course he was avoiding her question. Despite herself, Vers felt her stomach sink. She was looking him in the eye for a moment, then blinked and had to look down. She focused on the bite mark on his hand.

“But I am also…I’m also your friend, Vers.”

It took all of her power not to roll her eyes and tell him to fuck off.

“I need you to listen to me right now, Vers,” he said. “The moment I decided to save your life by giving you my blood, I knew we would have a bond that went deeper than either of us was prepared for. And I knew from the moment that you woke up that I would never meet anyone else like you, and I don’t just mean because of your gifts. Your gifts don’t matter to me, Vers, at least not when it comes to how I feel about you.”

Vers squinted at him. Had he just acknowledged that he had feelings? She kept her silence, unsure about what he was doing.

“I never thought I would say this to anyone, Vers, but I…” he sighed, hesitating, and Vers could see from his tense body language what he was going to say before he even said it. He looked at her and said, “I love you, Vers.”

Even though she had anticipated the words, she hadn’t anticipated the way they constricted across her chest. For a moment, she couldn’t breathe. There was something familiar in that suffocating feeling, something poking through the darkness at her, something encapsulating her completely, and she couldn’t fight it. _ Don’t tell him_, a voice in her head said. _ Just stand still and stay calm_, said another. Her chest grew tighter. _ I love you, Vers_.

“Vers,” Yon-Rogg said, his voice almost trembling. “Did you hear me?”

She tried to push away whatever the tightness in her chest was trying to tell her. The words that were running through her brain must be things Yon-Rogg had said to her at some point; that’s why they were familiar. She looked at Yon-Rogg now, looked at his eager vulnerability pooling in his eyes, despite his tense stance. Her chest tightened again.

“Is this a test? Are you lying to me?”

She didn’t know why that was what came out of her, but she let the questions resonate between them anyway.

“You think I’m lying? Why would I lie to you?”

“Why would you tell me you love me?”

“I can’t deny it, Vers. What we share is so much more than what we could have with anyone else. Don’t you see it too?”

Vers could see. She could see him sitting next to her in the med bay, his blood coursing into her, saving her. She could see him standing next to her day after day as she honed her gifts. She could see him pulling her to him, kneeling between her legs. She could see him holding her when her nightmares disturbed her, and she could see the way he smiled at her when she quipped at him. She saw the way he fumed when she undermined him in front of everyone. She saw how she had hurt him when she told him about the pleasure center. She could see all the little and not so little ways she frustrated him and how he now stood before her, telling her he loved her despite it all.

“I don’t deserve you,” she whispered.

Yon-Rogg’s posture and expression softened. With the hand Vers had drawn blood from, he reached for her. He cupped the side of her face, lightly stroking her cheek with his thumb. She leaned into his touch. Then he brought his other hand up, tracing her lips. He lingered over the corner of her mouth as she tilted her face towards him. When he kissed her, it was so unlike the sex they had had just minutes before. It was soft and slow and seemed to tell her that he could forgive her. She felt the realization deep in her chest: he really did love her.


	7. Compulsion

The Supreme Intelligence was wearing a stern, dissatisfied expression, pacing as it looked over Yon-Rogg. He had been called for a standard meeting to discuss Vers’s progress, and its tone set him on edge.

“She’s taking a long time to adjust to the last modification we made to her,” the Supreme Intelligence said. “Her mind is fighting hard to make sense of the human emotions inside her while also maintaining her Kree sensibilities.”

Yon-Rogg swallowed, knowing a conversation about his own emotions was imminent. He tried in vain to avoid it, and said, “She has become increasingly volatile and stubborn, despite my insistence to control herself.”

“We’ve seen how much your insistence means to her. She’s frustrated with you.” The Supreme Intelligence looked at him, as if it were seeing in him everything that frustrated Vers, and perhaps agreeing with her. “It might be good for her to have a sexual experience with someone else.”

“But she already tried to. She couldn’t do it.” He thought back to everything Vers had said to him that night. “What did she mean when she said I was in _ the missing pieces _ of her?”

“The memory replacement, of course. Not that she knows that’s what’s happening to her.”

“What memories were replaced with me?”

“The woman that showed up in her dreams. That was her lover in her former life, so I suppressed the memories of that woman and layered over them with memories of you, since you took it upon yourself to become her lover in this life. Anything that might remind her of her former lover will be met with a memory of you instead.”

“So when she was at the pleasure center—”

“With a woman.”

“—with a woman, something in her subconscious was reminded of her former lover, but I overrode that.”

“Yes.”

“So that’s why she couldn’t go through with it. I was all she could think about.”

“That, and the guilt she already felt for being unfaithful to you, which is how she sees it, was too much for her to ignore.”

“She said it also caused her physical pain.”

“A side effect of the memory replacement process. Some pain is standard, especially when confronted with so many reminders of a specific memory.” The Supreme Intelligence paused, then continued, “You, on the other hand…”

Here it was, the conversation he had feared. “Intelligence?”

“The pain you felt is not so rationally explained, is it?”

“I wasn’t in any pain.”

“You felt like she betrayed you. Her slip with the Starforce team infuriated you, but her decision to seek comfort from someone else…that was the real betrayal to you. You were hurt, like a young boy. You are too attached to her.”

“I’m dedicated to maintaining her, as you instructed.”

“I didn’t instruct you to fantasize about a life with her beyond your duty to Starforce. The moment you start seeing her as anything but a weapon and an opportunity for the advancement of Kree is the moment you have lost sight of the mission.”

“Forgive me, Intelligence, but I haven’t lost sight of the mission.”

“Then why are you confessing your love to her?”

“To appeal to her human sensitivities, to keep her loyal to me—to Kree.”

“Let her be the one with the human sensitivities, Commander. She’s proved to be less affected by this relationship than you, which is a disappointment to me.”

“What?”

“If it hadn’t been for the memory replacement, do you really think she wouldn’t have been able to go through with her pleasure center excursion? She would have continued to go back there, and what would you have done? Would you have let her do that without your own jealousy eating you up? I don’t think you could. You’ve grown possessive of her.”

“I’m protecting our asset.”

“You’re growing _ weak_.” The Supreme Intelligence stood over Yon-Rogg. “Continue your sexual relationship with her as long as she continues to show interest, but control your own emotions.”

* * *

Vers’s interactions with Yon-Rogg took on a weight that was increasingly difficult for her to bear. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she had cheated on him. And when he had told her that he loved her, the guilt ate her up even more. _ I don’t deserve you. _ Her own words resonated with her more every day.

Yon-Rogg hadn’t brought up the pleasure center incident to her again. And, much to some of the team’s disdain, she hadn’t received any official reprimand for her display of disrespect. Vers was having a hard time looking at any of her teammates in the face since that day. She adapted a stoic, silent stance around them as best she could. She had a lot to prove to everyone, it seemed.

When she sparred with Yon-Rogg in the days that followed, she felt her drive to knock him down weakening. She still wanted to prove to him that she could best him in a fight, but not when she was feeling so unworthy of him. The pleasure she normally got from getting in a punch or a kick or mastering a new move he had taught her was now unfulfilling.

And of course he must have been catching on to this. He hadn’t said anything else about his feelings for her since that night. It was almost as if it had never happened. Perhaps he regretted saying it, or maybe she should have said it back to him. But she couldn’t say the words when she wasn’t even sure she felt that way, when everything was so haywire. Telling him she loved him would feel like a lie. And _ that _was the worst part of the guilt she was feeling.

That guilt was sharp in her mind as they finished training for the day. It was another spar that she lost to him. She took her lessons and her lectures from him with more humility than humor, now. Her lack of sarcasm was starting to worry him, she could tell. As they walked away from the sparring mats together, he kept glancing at her. He was trying to say something. She let him find the words.

“Vers,” Yon-Rogg finally spoke, “are you interested in pursuing sexual encounters with other people?”

“What?” Vers stopped in her tracks. Suddenly she felt like she understood how Yon-Rogg must always feel when she said things to catch him off guard. She laughed because she didn’t know how else to react.

“I’m serious, Vers. You must have gone to the pleasure center out of more than a passing rage.”

She bit her tongue at the way he described her emotions.

Yon-Rogg continued, “You can have sexual experiences with other people and not have to feel guilty about it. You’re not bound to me alone.”

“I know that,” she scoffed, unintentionally.

“It might be healthy for you to…_sleep _ with someone else.”

“Healthy?” Vers found herself staring slack-jawed at him. “Are you trying to tell me that _ you _ want to sleep with someone else?”

“No,” he said, calmly, trying to reassure her. “I’m telling you that _ you _ want to.”

“So now you’re telling me what I want?”

“No, I’m assessing the situation, and the situation tells me that you want to sleep with someone else.”

“But I don’t.”

“Then why did you go to the pleasure center?”

“Because…because I was frustrated? I don’t know! I don’t know why I went, but I didn’t go through with it, so I obviously didn’t want to.”

“Guilt held you back. I’m telling you that you don’t have to feel guilty if you want to try again.”

She laughed again. “What the fuck, Yon?”

“Vers.”

“No, seriously, _ what the fuck_? You tell me you love me and then you tell me to go fuck someone else at the pleasure center?”

Something she said made his posture stiffen.

“I want you to be content,” he said. “I don’t want you feeling unnecessarily hindered in our relationship outside of Starforce.”

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say now.”

“I’m letting you know that you don’t have to frustrate yourself anymore. We can continue our private relationship, but you can also seek pleasure elsewhere. It’s very common and nothing for you to fight yourself over. The idea has obviously been plaguing you, and perhaps you wouldn’t have had your outburst if you had known you were free to pursue new experiences. Maybe I was wrong to assume that you knew that.”

Vers was speechless. She was getting too exasperated to be introspective right now, which meant she couldn’t think of a good argument against his reasoning.

“I’m not saying you have to go find someone right now,” he said, “but if the desire arises again—”

“Why are we talking about this? Are you testing me again? If I say yes, am I going to be told I made the wrong choice? What do you want from me right now?”

“This isn’t a test, Vers.”

“Then what is it? Are you making fun of me?”

“Have I ever made fun of you?” Yon-Rogg sighed. “Vers, you have to understand, having multiple lovers is normal. I know you’ve struggled with sexuality—”

“_What?_”

“—but you’re letting doubts linked to your past get in the way of you seeing this situation for what it is. There is no expectation here for you to commit to having sex with just one person.”

“Okay, great, there’s no expectation. That’s great. I still don’t want to.”

“Vers…”

“Stop! I don’t like that you’re bringing up something that I feel so guilty about, even if it is from something in my past, I still feel bad about it.”

“But you don’t have to. You need to let go—”

“Shut up! Just shut up. Please. Shut. Up.”

He sighed and surrendered with his hands. Vers stared at him for a moment, jaw clenched, teeth grinding together. The guilt she had been trying to get over was sickeningly churned up in her stomach now. She didn’t like that he was bringing this up again, but he didn’t seem angry. She was the only one getting upset. She closed her eyes and tried to force her body to relax.

“I’m sorry,” she said, eyes still shut. “I know you’re just trying to do what’s best for me.”

“That’s all I want, Vers.”

She looked at him again. The look he gave her was surprisingly sympathetic. She felt herself relax a little.

“I know, Yon,” she said. “I just don’t know if that _ is _what’s best for me, though.”

“Just take some time to think about it,” he said. “I’m here to help you work through this. As always.”

* * *

Yon-Rogg couldn’t stop imagining Vers with the other woman at the pleasure center. He couldn’t stop thinking about her with the woman in her former life, either. He hated knowing that the Supreme Intelligence had seen this jealousy and classified it as weakness, but he still couldn’t stop.

He hated even more that he had told Vers he loved her—the regret of telling her only made his jealousy harder to control. She still hadn’t returned the sentiment, and he tried to convince himself that it meant nothing to him. But he felt every ounce as foolish and as idiotic as he knew he was.

When Yon-Rogg had granted Vers permission to visit the pleasure center again, he had done so in an effort to rein in his emotions and prove that whatever feelings he had didn’t matter. By freeing her to sleep—as Vers would say—with someone else, he had intended to free himself of his weakness for her. He had hoped she would agree and go through with it. But she hadn’t, and even as her commander, he couldn’t force her to go to the pleasure center again. And he couldn’t seem to force himself to stop thinking about her there either. So he was stuck.

He wondered exactly how far Vers had gotten with the other woman before her guilt and memory replacement had overridden her. How long had she fought it until she came running back to him, begging him to fuck her instead? Had she begged the woman too, or had she been dominant in that situation? He wanted these thoughts out of his head, but more than that, he wanted to _ know_.

Now whenever he fucked Vers, he kept imagining that she was thinking about the other woman. Even though it was his name on her lips, he saw her lips pressed to another. He was rougher with her than usual, but she continued to like it, no matter how hard he held onto her or how suddenly he’d turn her around and shove her against a wall or into the bed. She’d just ignite her hands hotter and hotter until he had enough and he’d take the power away.

He knew taking away her power was what hurt her the most, but she still wouldn’t show she had stopped enjoying herself. If she was facing him, there would be a momentary grimace on her mouth, or the flicker of a glare in her eyes, a sudden shortness of breath, but it was hard to tell if he had imagined it or not. Whenever that happened, he would wonder if her climax was actually genuine. Despite how well he knew her, he couldn’t tell anymore. If he could stop picturing her wrapped up in someone else, maybe he would be able to tell.

One night as he had her pressed to the wall, her back to him, her hands above her head, fingers sprawled out on the wall, he felt his drive to finish waning. The way she moaned echoed into him and ignited a stronger spark of possession.

“Vers,” he said. “Who are you thinking of right now?”

Another moan, and she pushed her hips harder against him. But she said nothing.

“Tell me who you’re thinking of, Vers.”

“You,” she said.

“That’s all?”

She whimpered a wavering, “Yes.”

He didn’t believe her and grabbed her hands. He pushed her harder against the wall until he couldn’t push her any further, making her gasp.

“I want to see you fuck someone else,” he said, feeling an uncontrollable fever rising to the surface of his skin. “I want to see the way you look when someone is making you moan like this. I want to see what you do to them.”

“Just do it to me yourself,” she said.

He pushed himself into her deeper. “I need to see it.”

She sighed in reply, but it seemed more annoyed than pleasured. He grinded into her harder, making the sigh something he could stand.

“I want to see you with someone else,” he said.

“Why?” her voice was small, breathless. His weight forcing her against the wall was making it hard for her to breathe, but she wasn’t complaining, she wasn’t showing she felt anything. He kept holding her there.

“Please…” the word came out of him against his will and it made him grimace. “Just…let me.”

“Fine.”

She had agreed, but he didn’t loosen his hold on her, didn’t relieve the pressure he was creating. He kept fucking her, faster so he could get himself out of this moment of weakness. When he finished, his body slackened and she took in a deep breath. She didn’t say anything about what he had asked of her; she barely even looked at him.

* * *

Though the comment caught her off guard, Vers didn’t think Yon-Rogg was serious about watching her with someone else. She didn’t usually take him seriously when he said things during sex. It was surprisingly easy to make him sound like an idiot when he was turned on. She had agreed mostly to get him to shut up so he would stop pressing her against the wall and she could breathe again, but she had still agreed. She agreed even though his request only made her guilt constrict around her throat and made it impossible for her to look at him. He didn’t say anything else about it, though, and she deeply hoped that would be the end of it.

But then one night, he showed up at her door and immediately kissed her—a dizzying, feverous kiss that ended abruptly with him telling her to come with him. She was confused, but she followed him anyway. It felt like the day he had led her to the gym for the first time, only this time there was a tension in the air that was stopping Vers from questioning him.

Then it suddenly clicked in her head where they were heading, and she grabbed him by the arm.

“Why are we going here?” she tried not to sound over-concerned, but her grip on him tightened.

“I thought you knew,” he said. He looked at her hand and she removed it from him. They kept walking.

A familiar obstinacy rose in her and she almost turned around. But a deep embarrassment also crept over her, making even her impulse to be stubborn sink. She had technically agreed to this, and she couldn’t imagine stopping to argue with him about this in public. She didn’t want to let her emotions take hold of her again, to cause another outburst. And she still felt bad about trying to sleep with someone else. In so many ways, she felt like she owed this to him.

Vers was starting to feel her surroundings close in on her, so she focused on him as they reached the pleasure center.

Yon-Rogg led the conversation with the hosts and took control of setting up the services they would receive. All Vers had to do was select the woman she had been with last time.

“Why does it have to be her?” Vers asked.

“Because she was your choice. I want this to be what you want.”

“What if I want someone else?”

“Then choose someone else.”

She looked at the images of the other companions, but she didn’t want to make a choice. She looked at Yon-Rogg and said, “Her name was Gyn-Aíka.”

And so they were given a room where Gyn-Aíka would meet them. It looked just like the room she had been in the first time, except for one major detail. One of the walls seemed to be a screen. A simulated scene of deep space filled the wall, shimmering and moving.

Even if it had been the same room, though, Yon-Rogg’s presence in it changed the way it felt to her. The soft yet decadent atmosphere was offset merely by Yon-Rogg’s structured presence. She observed Yon-Rogg taking in the room—his nostrils flared for a moment and he shook his head. The richness of the fabric on the bed and the way a perfume lingered in the air and the ambient lighting all felt slightly ridiculous as Vers looked at all of it from his perspective.

She wanted to say something to him, to gauge how important to him it really was that she did this for him, but she couldn’t bring herself to speak. He was clearly dead serious about this whole idea. There was an expectant and heavy vibration pulsing through the room, or at least Vers felt there was. It could have been the pounding of her heart rushing their blood past her eardrums. It was deafening.

When Gyn-Aíka entered the room, Vers found herself slightly relieved to have another person break the tension. She was also relieved to find that Yon-Rogg’s presence hadn’t made her any less attractive.

“Hello again, Vers,” Gyn-Aíka greeted her. “It’s a pleasure to meet you for the first time, Commander.”

“I suppose you know what we want from you tonight,” Yon-Rogg said, bypassing formalities. The way he went straight to business made Vers feel suddenly more uncomfortable, as if she were part of a transaction meant just for him.

“I’m told Vers wants me to pleasure her while you observe,” Gyn-Aíka said. “I’m more than happy to finish what Vers and I started last time.”

Vers couldn’t look at either of them. Yon-Rogg was standing next to her, close to her. She could smell him.

“Do you want to get started?” he said to her.

Vers looked at Yon-Rogg, then to Gyn-Aíka, who smiled at her.

“Yon,” Vers said, focusing back on him, and lowering her voice, “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Vers. I’m here with you; we’re doing this together. You can let go of your guilt.”

Guilt had driven Vers to this moment, but it wasn’t guilt Vers was feeling right now. She felt uncertain and embarrassed and overwhelmed, all of which were feelings that weren’t making her want to start having sex in front of someone who loved her.

“You really want this?” Vers whispered to him. Then he took her by the waist and kissed her, the same way he had kissed her at her door. She wished he had just kept kissing her earlier and that they had fucked at her apartment, instead of coming here. For a moment, she pretended that’s what they were doing.

Then he slid his hand down the front of her pants. She practically jumped back, but Yon-Rogg was still holding her by the waist with his other hand. She looked at Gyn-Aíka, but had to avert her eyes as Yon-Rogg’s fingers pushed inside her. His fingers massaged her expertly and relentlessly. He knew exactly what movements he had to do to get her wet and she could feel her body giving into the feeling, despite her hesitance at the situation.

Abruptly, he pulled away from her.

“Why don’t you pick up with her where you left off last time?” he said, his tone soft yet commanding. 

Vers looked to Gyn-Aíka, a buzzing from Yon-Rogg’s kiss lingering on her lips and an unsatisfied aching between her legs. Yon-Rogg stepped back, and Vers almost stepped away towards him, but now Gyn-Aíka was standing in front of her.

She reached out and pushed a lock of Vers’s hair behind her ear, then whispered, “Look at me. It’s just us. Do you want to do this with me?”

Vers’s glance darted to Yon-Rogg, who stood silently behind them. She felt Gyn-Aíka’s thumb stroke her cheek, a simple yet reassuring movement that made Vers tingle. Yon-Rogg nodded and Vers closed her eyes.

“Yes,” Vers heard her voice shake. “I want you.”

Just like that, Gyn-Aíka’s lips were on hers. It was startling to be kissed by her right after kissing Yon-Rogg. The difference between them was so much more apparent than it had been the first time. The touches they exchanged were by nature more tender, less driven by their imbalance of power. But she still couldn’t stop imagining that it was Yon-Rogg kissing her, touching her.

Vers broke away from kissing Gyn-Aíka to look at Yon-Rogg. He was watching with an indifference that Vers immediately recognized but didn’t understand. He had insisted on this, and now he was apparently detaching himself from the situation. She suddenly felt like she was nothing but a strange pet, being used to perform tricks for him when he commanded. He put her into this situation that she didn’t even want to be in in the first place, and now here she was performing the trick he wanted to see, performing _ for him_, and he was just staring at her, studying her performance. He was starting to infuriate her.

Gyn-Aíka was kissing Vers’s neck, tracing her fingers onto her waist. Vers kept looking at Yon-Rogg. There was a certain glint in his eyes, he tilted his head just so, almost in the same way he looked at her when they were sparring and he was about to prove a point. Was he challenging her? Vers narrowed her eyes at him, and he took a step back to the simulated wall. An area of it opened for him, revealing a viewing room behind the wall. He backed into it, becoming invisible to her.

“Are you okay?” Gyn-Aíka asked.

“Never better,” Vers answered, pulling Gyn-Aíka closer. She kissed her again, slowly and deliberately. If she were going to fuck someone else for Yon-Rogg, she decided she was going to savor it, let it last as long as she needed it to. If this is what he wanted to see, then he could sit through every drawn-out second of it.

She undressed Gyn-Aíka, kissing each area of blue skin as she exposed it. She let the other woman do the same to her, until they were both stripped. Vers eyed the screen as she knelt before the woman, kissing her thighs, moving her mouth between her legs.

Vers didn’t know if she had ever been with another woman, but something in the way she felt so comfortable pushing her tongue inside Gyn-Aíka told her that she had. The dull aching that had came into her head last time was returning, and the insistent and looming darkness nipped at her heels. She wouldn’t let them win this time. She ignored the feeling and remembered the challenge in Yon-Rogg’s eyes.

Her hands were on Gyn-Aíka’s ass and she pulled her closer, circling her tongue over her clit and focussing on the soft moans emitting from her. The other woman was trembling and Vers felt herself becoming wet at her responses. Vers reached between her own legs and started to touch herself. She felt Gyn-Aíka’s hands in her hair, grasping as her moans became louder and her body started to tense before release. As Gyn-Aíka reached her peak, Vers moved her hand inside herself faster, so that she came with her for the first time.

While Gyn-Aíka was catching her breath, Vers looked up at her and said, “Let’s go to the bed.”

Vers sat herself on the edge of the bed, spreading her legs and looking at the space scene on the wall as Gyn-Aíka now knelt before her. 

“Can that wall change the scene it’s showing us?” Vers asked her.

“It can be anything you want.”

Vers stared at it, then said, “I want it to be a mirror.”

As if the wall could hear her, it rippled into a reflection of the room. Vers smirked at the image of herself with Gyn-Aíka, knowing this was what Yon-Rogg was also seeing. She watched herself lean back onto the bed, watched Gyn-Aíka’s hands travel up her thighs and lower her head between her legs, and then gasped as she felt the other woman’s tongue inside her. Her mouth was softer than Yon-Rogg’s, and she moved her tongue in ways he never had. Vers put her legs around Gyn-Aíka’s shoulders and felt Gyn-Aíka hands searching for hers.

“My hands,” Vers said, looking away from the reflection. “They might hurt you.”

Vers saw Gyn-Aíka eyes looking at her from between her legs as she purred, “I don’t mind.”

Then, Vers let herself be swept away by the electric pulsing Gyn-Aíka’s tongue evoked in her. When the heat of her hands became too much, Gyn-Aíka withdrew her grasp, laughing a bit.

“You’re so beautiful,” Gyn-Aíka said. “Your hands are amazing.”

“Come up here and I’ll show you what else they can do.”

Gyn-Aíka rested her hips between Vers’s legs. As their mouths met again, Vers could taste herself on Gyn-Aíka lips. She kissed her deeper, savoring the way their tongues massaged and moved against each other. Vers arched her back slightly and Gyn-Aíka began to roll her hips against hers. Vers moaned and then slid her hand between Gyn-Aíka’s legs, enjoying how wet she was when she put her fingers inside her. Gyn-Aíka happily reciprocated.

Again, Vers looked at the reflection. She had no way of knowing how Yon-Rogg was reacting behind the screen. But she realized she didn’t care. She didn’t care that he was watching and she didn’t care what he was getting from this. She was beginning to like the way she looked in the reflection; she liked the way she looked with someone else.

Vers lost track of not just time, but also how many orgasms she had in bed with Gyn-Aíka. And she continued to be indifferent to what Yon-Rogg was thinking as he watched it all.

* * *

“You enjoyed yourself,” Yon-Rogg said to Vers as they left the pleasure center.

“Mmhmm.” She wasn’t looking at him, but he caught an odd sort of satisfied glint in her eyes. 

After a moment, she said, flatly, “Did you get what you wanted from it?”

“You could say I did.”

What he had originally wanted was to know and have every single piece of her for himself, even her moments that belonged to someone else. He had wanted to memorize the way she looked beneath someone else, the way she sounded, and see if it was anything like what she did for him. But as he had watched her focus less on him and more on losing herself to this ecstasy he had led her to, he realized he could get something far more crucial out of this.

He needed to know that he could watch her with someone else and feel absolutely nothing. He forced himself into a formal, unattached mindset as he watched her being overcome by the other woman. He didn’t think about the way it felt to be inside her as she spread her legs and let someone else make her moan. He let his jealousy go and looked at her as nothing but an asset. She wasn’t anything other than a weapon, and what she did with her body when it wasn’t being used for Starforce did not have to concern him. With enough effort, he had been able to feel nothing.

But he didn’t like it, the nothing he felt.

Despite realizing that he had the ability to detach himself from his feelings for her, the feelings were still there somewhere inside him. Beneath his indifference, there was a low burning ache. As he walked alongside her now, that feeling inside him was rising, tormenting him with unbearable adoration and the hurt that came with it. He should never have acknowledged his love for her, because now it constantly demanded to be recognized.

Now, at least he knew he could manage those feelings. It would be difficult to maintain it, but he must if he were to continue training her. He had to be able to choose when he let his affections and possessiveness for her rise up. He had to control this part of himself that seemed so instinctual, but so unnecessary to a man of his position. His feelings for her were getting wound up in his core being, and he had to control it. If he let them flare up and continue to weaken him, he’d be no better than her.

Paradoxically, he didn’t want to live without the rush and the purpose she gave him. He didn’t want to lose the way he felt when she smiled or teased him. She was so unlike anyone else he had ever met, and he believed only a man of his caliber could handle and understand her. He knew that he had to have her, and he decided that he was going to be with her whether or not he was her commander and her keeper, but he had to control himself. 

He had to walk the line between the heated depth of his emotions and the coldness of indifference. Few Kree would be able to handle such a challenge without it destroying them. But where they might fail, he would soar higher than anyone who came before him.


	8. Devotion

Vers checked her comms as she lowered a Starforce ship into the atmosphere above Hala, clearing herself for landing in the hangar. She had been spending less one-on-one time with Yon-Rogg since their strange pleasure center outing, which gave her more time to pursue the things she wanted. Turned out she wanted to be flying.

When she was ascending over Hala and breaking through the atmosphere into the beautiful blackness of space, a feeling came over her that she couldn’t find with Yon-Rogg or anyone else. She felt a oneness with the magnificent ship that let her cruise at heights she could never reach herself. At this point in her Starforce career, Vers could confidently fly any of the Kree ships in their fleet. She had trained on every ship she was able to, and each one came to her almost effortlessly. Whatever ship she was flying became an extension of her body. It was like she was born to fly. She could have flown all day through Kree airspace if she had been able to. She might have flown forever if there hadn’t been any boundaries for her.

But there were boundaries, of course, just as there were responsibilities, so she had to bring the ship back to the hangar. She smiled at her smooth landing, just as she had smiled at all the rolls and stunts she could do up in the air. Smiling came easy to her when she was flying—she caught herself absentmindedly smiling so many times. As she completed her post-landing routine and planted her feet on the ground, though, she saw Yon-Rogg approaching, a disapproving look on his face. Whatever had been causing her to smile quickly dissipated.

“You spend too much time flying,” was Yon-Rogg’s greeting to her.

“I like flying,” she said, voice flat.

“Yes, but you already excel at it.” At base level the words were a compliment, but coupled with his tone and the look on his face, it was more of a dig at her. “Work on something that needs your attention.”

“What, like kicking your ass?”

“Vers.”

“What? You’re the one that keeps begging me to knock you down.”

“It’s not begging, Vers. I’m pushing you to push yourself.”

“Ok, whatever.” She rolled her eyes, and when she looked at him again, their eyes met. She hesitantly leaned forward. “Wanna go push each other around a little bit, then?”

He held her gaze, stepped forward. “Perhaps tomorrow.”

“Oh, ok…” Vers felt his refusal in her gut, but she tried not to let it show. He walked past her and she followed him out of the hangar.

It had been weeks since the pleasure center, and he had been treating her differently that whole time. He didn’t seem to have much time to spar with her like she had grown used to, and when they did spar, it wasn’t the same. Their physical interactions while training no longer felt charged with anything and his eyes seemed empty when he looked at her. He looked at her like she was just anyone else. There were no gleams of desire in his eyes, nor the subtle bite of a lip as he averted his gaze. Even now as he looked at her, there was nothing special.

“Why did you come looking for me, anyway?” Vers asked him as they continued to walk together.

He didn’t look at her, just replied simply, “To tell you that you spend too much time flying.”

“That’s all?”

“Do I need another reason?”

“No, I guess not.” She sighed.

“What is it?”

“Nothing.”

“Vers,” he said, and she couldn’t tell if the growing impatience in his tone was real or in her mind. “What is it?”

“There’s really no other reason you came looking for me?”

“Is there another reason I should know about?”

“No, I just thought maybe you’d wanna..._do something_.”

“Do something?”

“Something inappropriate.” She side-glanced him and caught him doing the same.

“This isn’t the place to talk about that,” his tone became straightforward. “You can’t keep bringing personal matters into our Starforce surroundings.”

“Why not?” Annoyance began to prickle at Vers. “You’ve practically fucked me in the Helion before.”

“We both need to be more professional now, Vers.”

“Ok...so can we go somewhere unprofessional and talk about it?”

“Not now, Vers.”

“What about later?” Vers didn’t know why she was pressing this. She didn’t really want to do anything inappropriate with him when he was acting so flippant towards her. But she wanted some kind of _ reaction _from him—anything to show her that he wouldn’t always be so cold. “We could do something alone together later.”

“Vers.”

“Or we could be not alone,” Vers could feel the frustration vibrating in her words. “You could watch me again.” 

This was the first time either of them had brought up the pleasure center experience since that night. She still didn’t know what he had gained from the whole ordeal, and the obstinacy she had felt that night hadn’t been resolved. It was sneaking back into her now.

“We’re not doing that again,” Yon-Rogg said.

“Why not?”

“Because we’re not.” Yon-Rogg stopped walking and looked at her. “And we’re not having this conversation right now. Is that clear?”

“Are we going to have it at all?”

“Why do we need to?”

A million reasons pounded in her head, but the way he looked at her stopped them from becoming speakable words. All she said was, “I don’t know.”

“Exactly,” he said. “Now, I have matters to attend to that don’t concern you. Why don’t you go train on something that actually needs your attention? If you concentrate more on your hand-to-hand combat techniques instead of flying, maybe you’ll give me a challenge next time.”

Their eyes were locked for a moment. Vers felt the same provocation in his stare that she had felt at the pleasure center, but then it dissipated into nothing, just as he had stepped back into the screen and become invisible to her that night. Wordlessly, he turned from her and headed off to whatever secret duties he had.

* * *

Vers found herself at the pleasure center again that night. It wasn’t the first time she had returned since her excursion with Yon-Rogg. Whenever she walked into the center now, she was at ease, unlike her first visit. She still chose the same woman though. Vers may have felt slightly more at ease with the whole concept of casual sex in a public place designed for that purpose, but she still liked the safe feeling that came with Gyn-Aíka’s kind and familiar face.

Having sex with someone else had affected Vers in ways she hadn’t anticipated. At first, she felt somehow freer. It was as though she had tapped into a part of herself that had been suppressed. When she was touching another woman, it felt so natural, almost as natural as she felt while flying. In ways she didn’t completely understand, she felt more like herself.

When she had let go of her worries about what Yon-Rogg was thinking while he watched her and had given herself over to enjoying herself, she had gained a new form of confidence. She didn’t feel like she was cheating on him anymore, especially since he had been so insistent on her going through with it. She was actually enjoying this new piece of herself without him. But it also complicated her feelings towards him.

When she tried to seek Yon-Rogg out to ease her aching now, he wasn’t what she wanted. That is, he wasn’t the Yon-Rogg she was used to having. She wanted the version of him that held her when she woke up from a nightmare and the version of him whose body she knew almost as well as her own, that she could always rely on. She didn’t want this version of him that watched her fuck other people and then apparently lost interest in her. She didn’t know how to please this version of him. It was as if he kept purposefully wedging a distance in their private lives, and she didn’t understand. She did everything he wanted her to do. It should’ve been enough for him.

But she wasn’t enough. She worried that she was being too emotional about this. Even though Yon-Rogg had been the one to admit his feelings, she harbored a growing doubt that she was spending too much time thinking about it. She feared she was reading into everything and that maybe she really was the problem. If she let go of her emotions and ignored him, maybe it would stop bothering her in the same way it clearly wasn’t bothering him.

So Vers found herself returning to the pleasure center, giving herself over to someone despite the ever-present doubts in her mind. She let go of her guilt because that was what Yon-Rogg had wanted her to do. She slept with Gyn-Aíka because that was what she wanted to do. But she still felt a gnawing darkness inside her. She still fought against the feeling of him all over her when she was tangled with someone else.

She still wanted him, wanted his approval and his affections, all while wanting to be free of him.

* * *

“I’ll be leaving for a mission in the morning,” Yon-Rogg said to Vers as he helped her off the floor by offering her a hand. He had just bested her in another spar, and she was trying not to let her agitation show. 

“Where will you be going?” she asked, watching him turn from her as they left the sparring mats.

“That’s classified,” he said over his shoulder. She sighed. This was hardly the first time he left her behind while he went away on a mission.

“How long will you be gone?” she asked, picking up pace beside him.

“A few days, maybe.” He was just looking ahead as they walked. She kept glancing at him, an unstoppable warmth rising to her face. She wanted him to look at her.

“Don’t miss me too much,” she said dryly.

And there, she succeeded: He looked at her. His eyes flicked over her and there was a hint of a grin before he refocused ahead.

“Don’t do anything rash while I’m gone,” he was half-joking. She felt herself grasping for that playfulness in his tone and she held onto it.

“I wouldn’t deprive you of missing that firsthand, don’t worry,” she said. She waited for another quip or reaction from him, but he was silent. She felt a small tension starting to throb in her head and slowly curled her hands in and out of fists. She hated how uneasy she felt right now.

“Can I see you tonight?” the words fell from her in an embarrassing, desperate heap. But she did want to see him tonight. Normally they’d fuck the night before he left, a heated, insistent exchange to make up for the time they wouldn’t be together, and when he returned, it was just the same. She held her breath.

“I don’t think so,” he said. “I’m leaving very early in the morning.”

Vers kept her gaze ahead now, keeping her mouth tightly shut as they continued to walk side by side through lower Hala. They didn’t say anything else about the mission or her denied request for intimacy as they boarded the train and headed back towards the Starforce center. They barely looked at each other or spoke at all.

To any onlookers, they may have looked indifferent towards the other. Vers wished she felt such a casual indifference and tried to tell herself that she did. But she wasn’t indifferent. If anything, she was numb. And beneath that numbness, she was miserable.

* * *

Vers stayed alone in her apartment that night. She went to sleep and didn’t give a thought to what Yon-Rogg’s mission would be. It was none of her business, after all. If she needed to know anything about it, he would’ve told her.

Several days passed with no updates. He had been gone much longer than this before, though. There was nothing new about this.

On the fifth day, she was summoned to the Supreme Intelligence. She didn’t know why she was being summoned—nothing significant had been happening around her. But, as she had been told many times, it wasn’t her place to question this.

“Vers,” the Supreme Intelligence greeted her with a somber look on its face.

“Intelligence,” Vers said.

“You’re aware that your commander has not yet returned from his mission,” the Supreme Intelligence said, taking a step closer to Vers. There was a particular softness in the way the Supreme Intelligence moved today, as if it were treading over something fragile.

“Yes, Intelligence, I am aware”

“You don’t know the details of this particular mission, do you, Vers?”

“No, I do not.”

“The mission he’s on is very dangerous, Vers. I cannot lie to you about that.” The kindness and empathy in the Supreme Intelligence’s eyes struck Vers in a strange, almost unsettling way, but she wasn’t sure why.

“He didn’t seem worried about it when he left,” she said.

“His demeanor was entirely for the benefit of the team. He knew exactly how risky this mission was.”

“What is the mission?”

“I’m afraid I can’t tell you exactly what.”

“But you can tell me how dangerous it is?” Vers’s tone came off sharp and she instantly apologized. “Forgive me, Intelligence.”

“You must remember to keep your emotions in check during this time. You must be prepared to handle his loss with dignity.”

“_His loss?”_ Vers had shouted but she hadn’t noticed. “Are you saying he’s dead?”

“No, we still have communication with him, but he has encountered critical equipment failure.”

“How critical?”

“All I am going to tell you is that their ship is in enemy territory, and if the equipment failure is not resolved soon, no one is going to survive.”

“Can’t we do something? Can’t _ you _ do something? If you’re telling me this, why can’t you just send us to get them? There has to be a way to help them.”

“A rescue is out of the question. By the time anyone reached them, it would be too late.”

“But it has to be worth a shot!”

“No, Vers. There is nothing we can do. It is only a matter of time until they are caught, and their time is running out.”

“If there’s nothing we can do, then why are you telling me all this? Why not just tell me he’s dead?”

“He’s not dead yet, Vers.”

The word “yet” stuck in Vers’s chest. It implied the inevitable. She slowly tightened her fists, trying to keep her energy in check.

The Supreme Intelligence sighed, patience in its eyes. “You know how important you are to me, Vers. The gift you were given will no doubt do great things for Kree. Until this point, you have relied on Yon-Rogg to advise you on this gift, but you are not going to have him anymore. Soon, there will be adjustments for you.”

“What kind of adjustments?”

“Now is not the time to discuss your professional adjustments, but you need to start preparing yourself nonetheless. I wanted you to be the first to hear the mission’s status because I know Yon-Rogg’s loss will affect you more than the rest of Starforce.”

“He’s important to all of us. We all need him.”

“Oh, Vers.” The pitiful look on the Supreme Intelligence’s face bore into her. “You know he means so much more to you than anyone else. Your relationship with him has defined your new life on Hala, and now… Now you must prepare yourself to adapt to a life without him.”

* * *

Vers didn’t know how to process what the Supreme Intelligence had told her. She focused on her breathing as she made her way to the Starforce training center. She couldn’t let herself think about the situation or she might start losing control. If she went to the training center and focused on that instead, it might distract her long enough to push the unwanted news from her mind. Better yet, if she kept the bad news out of her mind long enough, it might not even come to fruition and he would return from the mission and she’d never have to face what losing him would feel like.

When she had reached the training center, she felt as if there were an invisible barrier holding her back from entering it. She just wanted to go inside and clear her mind, but everything in there was laced with memories of him. How was she supposed to distract herself if all the distractions reminded her of him?

With heaviness in her bones, Vers slumped down onto the steps in front of the training center. She sat and gazed out at the sun setting over Hala. She felt her mind drifting into nothing, just a dark shroud of familiar guilt and budding grief.

“Are you okay?” Att-Lass’s voice came from behind and Vers turned slightly to look at him.

“I’m fine.” Vers watched as he sat down next to her on the steps, then looked back over the city, blinking away the darkness that had started to drape over her.

“I just heard the mission status,” he said.

She kept her gaze ahead. “And?”

“I heard there’s a possibility of…I heard they might not come back.”

Vers suddenly felt a lump in her throat. She tried to swallow it down.

“Have you…” Att-Lass’s tone was so gentle, she could hardly bear it, “have you heard anything from him?”

“No,” she said.

“He’ll find a way to come back,” he was trying to sound reassuring but it kept making the lump in Vers’s throat grow. “He’s survived so many missions, this won’t be any different. He always finds a way to make everything work out in his favor.”

Vers looked over the cityscape stretching before them into the sunset, but she wasn’t seeing any of it. The buzzing on her neck was getting louder until it became an irritating presence next to her ear, like a fly she couldn’t shoo away. With an urgency that startled Att-Lass, Vers stood up.

“You wanna fight?” she asked, cracking her neck and knuckles.

“Sure…?” Att-Lass was standing hesitantly.

“Great.” Vers hurried off into the training center. She could hear Att-Lass picking up his pace to catch up to her. Once they were on the mats, Vers took her stance, and as soon as Att-Lass took his, she lunged for him.

Att-Lass was easier to fight than Yon-Rogg, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t a challenge. He knocked her down and she lost, but she was able to do the same to him. When she was holding back her gifts, they were almost evenly matched.

But as they continued to spar, Vers couldn’t stop thinking about all the things Yon-Rogg would be saying to her if he were on the mats with her. And when she thought about that, she thought about him not coming back from the mission. And when she thought about that, her emotions flared and her fists lit up and she blasted Att-Lass across the training center.

“Shit! Att-Lass! I’m so sorry!” Vers was running to his side as he grimaced and rolled onto his back on the floor. “Are you okay?”

He was too busy catching his breath to respond.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what happened, I don’t—”

“There’s a reason Yon-Rogg is the only one of us still willing to spar you,” Minn-Erva’s voice came out of nowhere and Vers turned to see her walking towards them.

“How long have you been here?” Vers asked.

“Long enough.” Minn-Erva lifted her chin towards Att-Lass. “Given what you did to him, I take it you heard the mission report.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means you don’t think with your head, twinklefists.”

Vers narrowed her eyes at Minn-Erva’s use of her favorite nickname for her. Sometimes Minn-Erva said it with annoyance, sometimes she said it in an almost light-hearted tone, but today she said it with pure condescension. Vers was using all of her will-power not to show off her “twinklefists” in her direction.

“Minn-Erva,” Att-Lass practically coughed her name out as he pushed himself off the ground. “Not now.”

“I’m just making sure we all know what’s going on and that we’re all prepared.”

“We all know,” Att-Lass said, still pressing a hand to his chest and grimacing.

“You should get to the medbay.” Minn-Erva looked him over.

“I’m fine. Just had the wind knocked out of me.” Att-Lass gave Vers a smile, but then he winced as he took a step.

“Well, medbay or not, I need a moment alone with Vers, so figure out somewhere to go.”

“Why do you need to talk to me alone?” Vers was already troubled by whatever Minn-Erva had to say.

“You’ll find out when I’m talking to you alone.” Minn-Erva gave Att-Lass a sharp look. He glanced between the two women, then sighed. He tried his best to shrug at Vers, then gingerly began to walk away. Minn-Erva was silent until he was out of earshot, then turned to Vers.

“You’re going to have a lot of adjustments to make if he doesn’t come back,” Minn-Erva said.

“I’m aware.”

“You’re not as aware as you think you are.”

“Excuse me?”

“Listen to me, Vers. I’m not here to console you or to make you feel special. I’m here to warn you that Yon-Rogg has done more than anyone else, especially you, to keep you on Starforce. If you want to keep your position with us when he’s gone, you’re going to have to keep your head. No one else is going to stand up for you like he did, except maybe Att-Lass, but his voice isn’t important when it comes to this.”

“My place on the team isn’t reliant on Yon-Rogg.”

“You can tell yourself that, but it’s not true. You were _ gifted_, sure, I’ll give you that. But you’re out of control and you don’t listen. Yon-Rogg is the only person who can put up with you, and you’re used to getting away with anything because of him.”

A mix of anger and embarrassment heated Vers. Minn-Erva wasn’t entirely wrong: Vers did get away with a lot. But she couldn’t handle this coming from Minn-Erva right now.

“Yon-Rogg could be dead,” Vers paused as the word hit her, but continued, “and you think now is the time to lecture me?”

“That’s exactly why this is the time to lecture you.”

Vers just glared, too angry to formulate a sentence, but Minn-Erva was unaffected.

“He has a lot on the line because of you, but no one else does,” Minn-Erva said. “No one else is going to stick their neck out for you. No one else is going to petition for you to keep serving if you keep messing up. And to be clear, me having this conversation with you right now isn’t because I think Starforce will suffer without you, but, like it or not, you’re part of my team and that does mean something to me. So this is the last time I’ll say it: You. Need. To. Keep. Your. Head.”

* * *

Minn-Erva’s words radiated through Vers as she huffed away from the training center. Her blood was boiling. Whether or not Minn-Erva had had a valid point, Vers was irate at her for making it right now.

Of course Vers knew that she owed Yon-Rogg everything. Every time her heart beat she was indebted to him. Now that there was the possibility of there being no more him, her heart felt suddenly empty.

Her amnesia left her with an infuriating emptiness, that was true, but this emptiness was different. This emptiness didn’t come from the frustration of simply not knowing; this emptiness was unbearable because she knew what it felt like to be filled.

In her fuming march away from the training center, Vers hadn’t known where she was headed, all she knew was that she was headed _ away_. When she found herself in front of Yon-Rogg’s door, she felt a dry laugh leave her lungs. Coming to him when she was upset was so instinctual at this point it seemed fitting that she should laugh about it now that he was dead.

“No, he’s not dead,” she whispered to herself, leaning against the closed door. “He could still find a way.”

But the Supreme Intelligence had essentially told her and the rest of Starforce that Yon-Rogg was dead. She doubted Minn-Erva would have wasted time giving her that strange lecture if she also didn’t think he was more than likely gone. And, as she mulled it over now, she realized that the warning Minn-Erva had given her was similar to the warning the Supreme Intelligence had given her. What that meant was that she was on the precipice of another terrifying change in her life, but this time she would have to navigate it alone.

Vers leaned more fully against the door and slid down, sitting on the floor. If Yon-Rogg was dead, then she would never come back here, not to wake him up for early morning training, not to seek comfort in the middle of the night, not for anything. The door would remain shut to her, and Starforce would find a new high-ranking officer to fill the quarters. The rest of Kree would move on, but Vers would still feel his gravity pulling her towards him, towards a void shaped like him.

If he wasn’t there, who was there for her to turn to? He was wrapped up in every thought and every area of her life. When she needed guidance, whether it was to rein in her powers or her emotions, she looked to him first. When she was on a mission, she awaited his orders. When she was lonely, she sought his companionship. And as she sat leaned against his door, she craved his touch—even just a small reassuring squeeze on her shoulder would do—but she wanted to feel him. She wished she had reached for him before he left.

But what stung Vers the most right now was the way Minn-Erva had laid bare the fact that no one could put up with Vers the way Yon-Rogg did. No one else was crazy enough to spar with her regularly. No one else knew how to get her to pull herself back together; no one really understood her. Few others appreciated her sense of humor or let her pick fun at them the way he did. 

And no one else knew about her dreams and the nightmares; he was the only person she would ever talk to about that. He was the only person she could talk to about almost anything and not feel like she was annoying him. Even when he had felt so distant and confusing to her recently, she still knew he would let her express her doubts and her hopes to him. She knew this because he loved her.

He loved her and he had shown it to her in all these ways and she had still been unsure about her true feelings for him. He was the only person in her new life who had given her complete openness and honesty. He did this because he loved her.

He loved her and he was gone.

* * *

Vers woke up in the hallway outside Yon-Rogg’s apartment. She hadn’t been able to make herself leave his door, even when her body had demanded sleep, and she was out before she knew it. Now as she awoke, she was disoriented for only a moment. The grief settled into her stomach as she stood.

It was still early, early enough for her usual morning routine to begin but too early for anyone else. So she trudged back to her own apartment, not feeling up to a morning run just yet. She’d try to get some sleep in an actual bed with the hopes that that would ease the tendrils of sadness wrapping around her from her core. Yon-Rogg always told her that she was too emotional when she didn’t get enough sleep.

When she was back in her apartment, she crawled into bed and closed her eyes, but sleep wasn’t coming. She didn’t know how long she lay sleepless and heavy in her bed, but when she finally made herself get up, she didn’t feel any better or any less emotional.

But she had to try. Like Minn-Erva said, she had to keep her head. So she got ready for her day and went to the training center and went through every physical motion that was expected of her. She made it through half the day, but she was already exhausted. She wouldn’t give in, though. Even as Att-Lass approached her, a somber expression on his face, she pushed down the feelings she knew were getting ready to onslaught her.

“Vers.” Att-Lass said. “Vers, you need to know that—”

“Was there a mission status?”

“Yes.”

“He’s not coming back.”

Att-Lass shook his head. “There’s no communication, not from him, not from the ship, not from anyone. They’re already late returning, but there’s only silence. The pending loss is going to be officially registered in the morning.”

Vers felt her throat tighten. She became aware of the buzzing on her neck, but she quickly ignored it, pulling in her emotions.

“Thank you for telling me, Att-Lass,” she said. Before he could say anything else, she started to walk away. He didn’t follow her.

She picked up her pace as she left the training center. Once her feet hit the outside pavement, she began to run. She ran until she was sore and then she ran through that. She ran aimlessly, only wanting to feel the constant rhythm of her feet on the ground that was shaking through her body and taking over all her senses. She ignored the strange looks she got from pedestrians and ignored the voices in her head telling her to do anything other than run.

Exhaustion finally caught up to her and she let herself return to her apartment. She fell onto her bed and fell asleep, dreaming this time of deep space and black holes.

* * *

The next morning, Vers made herself get up and go to the Starforce center. If official action was going to be taken over Yon-Rogg’s loss, then she had to be present. She had to be there with her team to see what her future was going to look like without him. There was a lump in her throat as she made her way to the center, but she willed it away, even as each step she took became heavier and heavier.

She tried not to look at anyone she passed. She feared that looking at someone and recognizing the somberness that came with this situation would make her lose whatever control she had over her demeanor right now. She was so focused on managing that part of herself that she didn’t see Att-Lass approaching her. She jumped when he put a hand on her shoulder, and he laughed at that. Laughed. Why was he laughing?

He said something that was indecipherable to her. It was muddled by the heaviness in her brain and it didn’t sound like words.

“What?” she said. He was smiling.

“They’re coming back,” he said. “Yon-Rogg is alive.”

“What?” she repeated, but this time a wave of debilitating relief swept up from her feet to her head. “He’s alive?”

“Yes, yes, they made it back. They just entered the hangar—”

Vers grabbed Att-Lass by the shoulders. “He’s _ here_?”

“Yes.” Att-Lass laughed again, enjoying her reaction to the good news. Vers felt her whole body buzzing.

“I have to go.” She didn’t waste time on any formalities as she took off towards the hangar.

When Vers entered the hangar and saw Yon-Rogg, she barely had any control of her limbs. She felt like she was floating as she ran to him. His expression was almost bewildered as she practically hurtled towards him. She was able to stop herself from jumping into him and wrapping her arms around him, but she still reached for him, gripping his forearms. He had a hold of her forearms too, and he held tight as if holding her back from coming any closer.

“Vers, what is it?” He gave her a once-over, clearly confused. She leaned closer to him and he held her steady.

“I didn’t think you were coming back,” she said, tightening her grip.

“What?”

“The mission…we were told you weren’t coming back.”

“Who told you that?”

“The Supreme Intelligence. We all thought you were…” She felt it again, that lump in her throat that she had been battling. Her voice almost squeaked as she said, “I thought you were dead.”

He didn’t say anything, just looked more baffled, as if she were going crazy right before his eyes. She felt a little crazy right now. She could feel her whole body starting to shake, starting with her legs and working up to her fingertips. He must have felt that. He glanced at her hands and then focused back on her face. She looked into his eyes, feeling slightly ashamed that she had never stopped to appreciate how strange and beautiful she found his golden irises.

Yon-Rogg seemed to compose himself as he said, “Vers, we’re part of Starforce. We are constantly at risk and we all know that there is a possibility of not returning from any mission.”

“I know, but…” she swallowed the lump in her throat again. “I thought you weren’t coming back.”

“You need to control whatever feelings you’re experiencing. You know the risks, and you can’t lose yourself to emotions when faced with the consequences of those risks. You must—”

“I love you!”

His eyes went wide. “What?”

“You’re so stupid! I’m acting like this because I tried to process losing you and I tried being stoic and dignified but I can’t. I can’t do any of this without you. I need you to be here—I need you to be with me. I can’t function without you, okay? I know you’re going to say that it’s a weakness, but I fucking love you. I love you and I should’ve said it sooner but I’m too fucking stubborn so I didn’t, but now I’m saying it. I love you.”

Vers watched as his expression changed from one of controlled formality to unbridled shock as she gave voice to her feelings. She could feel hot tears pooling in her eyes, escaping down her cheeks. She knew how weak she looked, but it was nothing compared to how weak she felt. As she watched him finally take in a deep breath, she couldn’t help herself—she put her hands on either side of his face and kissed him. He was too surprised to kiss her back at first, but when he did, she felt her chest expand and bloom.

When she pulled away from the kiss, she was visibly trembling. He took her hands in his. He leaned in closer to her and whispered in her ear in a voice that felt tender and intimate and bordering on playful, “Control yourself.”

He was smiling at her and she found herself laughing. She went in to kiss him again, but he backed away.

“We should continue this in private,” he said.

“Yes, Commander,” she tried to say his title with her signature sarcasm, but it came out more like a term of endearment.

* * *

The walk back to his apartment was silent, but charged with need. Though she wanted to run, Vers kept her gait slower than his. She wanted to take him in completely, watch every step he took and the way he held himself so tall and so proud. He glanced back at her now and then, a soft smile playing on his lips and she rolled her eyes at him, though her chest was fluttering.

When the door to his apartment opened, he pulled her inside. She had been expecting to be stripped and fucked against the door as soon as they entered, but he wasn’t doing that. His hands were on her waist and she pressed her body against his, tilting her face towards him, her lips parted and longing to feel him again. He was leaned over her, forehead resting against hers, and she felt his breath. His lips grazed hers and she tried to close the gap between them but he pulled back ever so slightly.

“Are you torturing me on purpose?” she said, trying to kiss him again, but he kept the magnetic distance.

“Your longing is palpable,” he whispered. “I can taste it in the air.”

“I wish you would taste me instead.”

She tried to close the gap again, but he stopped her with a smile and brought his index finger to her lips, tracing them. She could barely help herself as she tilted her head to kiss the side of his hand and then his palm, keeping her eyes locked on his. His hand was now cupping her face and she pushed her cheek fully into it, nuzzling it like a cat. She closed her eyes and felt his other hand move to her other cheek.

“I meant what I said,” she whispered, eyes still shut. “I love you.”

She felt his mouth replace his hand on her cheek in an intentional kiss and then another on her jawline. She kept her eyes closed as he kissed to the corner of her lips. She sighed out her grief and longing for him and he breathed her in.

Finally, his lips found hers again. His kiss was a slow, deep, gratifying kiss. He pulled her closer, his hands sliding back to her waist, and she felt her knees trembling beyond any control she had over herself. She pushed herself closer to him; she couldn’t get close enough. She clung so tightly to him, but she wanted to be closer, and they stumbled back just a little before he steadied them and she laughed. He was holding her in his arms again, finally. She felt a great comfort as he looked at her for a moment, tracing his cheekbone with her fingertips.

“Take me to bed, Yon,” Vers said, voice self-consciously quiet, so he had to lean in even closer to hear her. “Make love to me.”

It was a strange, sweet request coming from a vulnerable and pure place inside Vers. It was a part of her that she kept hidden under layers and layers of sarcastic defenses. She had given pieces of this side of herself to Yon-Rogg already, but she had kept pulling it back in, keeping it hidden and safe. When she told him she loved him, it had freed itself in uncontrollable and undeniably physical tremors. Her warm, defensive layers had been shaken off, and she needed him to steady her, to hold her and warm her back up with his reassuring heat. She didn’t need him to just have sex with her to relieve tension, and she didn’t need him to fuck her to subdue their tumultuous urges. She needed him to love her.

And he did.

He took her to bed, and when she was beneath him and above him, she felt like they had become the sky and the sea. They moved separately yet together, bound by the same energies beyond either of them. Their breaths were the same pulsating force, being rippled with each sigh, and then reaching higher into the other in towering waves. They had the same blue currents rushing through them, indistinguishable. When they touched each other, it didn’t matter what was up or down because they were both so unfathomable and endless and forever emulating the other.

She felt so completely one with him and so whole within herself. And as he held her, embraced her in a way that felt more intimate than any sex they had before, she felt loved. She returned the love she felt rolling off of him, touching him as tenderly and as eagerly as he touched her. She could feel the depth of his emotions for her in the way he looked at her, in the way she felt herself reflected back in him. She held onto him and she knew she was meant to be with him. She knew she would always love him.

* * *

Yon-Rogg was lying next to Vers in his bed, watching the slow rise and fall of her chest as she slept. She was facing him, one arm curled against her stomach and one outstretched towards him. When she had fallen asleep, he had been holding her hand, her eyes glistening as she gazed at him. She fought against her eyelids, and as they became too heavy for her and she started to drift off, the words escaped her lips again, “I love you.”

He hadn’t expected her to say that when he returned. He hadn’t expected to find her so eager to be in his bed, making love to him with a trembling fervor he had never felt from her. He hadn’t expected to see her running towards him as he returned from his mission. She had been almost beside herself with emotion when she had reached out for him. He hadn’t understood what was driving her to him like this, and then she told him that she—and everyone else, apparently—had thought he was dead. _ Dead_.

Easing himself off the bed so as not to disturb her, Yon-Rogg stood and got dressed. With a glance at her to make sure she was still sleeping, he left the room and headed into the streets of Hala to the temple of the Supreme Intelligence.

When he was standing on the communication pad, palms upward, letting the silver veins flow over him, he closed his eyes. He opened his eyes again to see the superior version of himself taking form.

“Another successful mission, Commander,” the Supreme Intelligence said.

“Yes, though it was hardly a difficult mission. A standard report gathered from a source. We ran into some technical difficulties though—ship trouble at the jump point.”

“An unfortunate setback.”

“We were delayed a couple days longer than was ideal, but it was nothing to raise any alarm. And then, almost miraculously, our ship’s system seemed to heal itself and we were able to make the jump.”

The Supreme Intelligence smiled knowingly, unnervingly. “As I said, a successful mission.”

“But everyone here thought I was dead.”

“Yes, but you’re not.”

“Is there something I missed?”

“Not every plan requires your knowledge of it.”

“Of course, Intelligence. Only...” Yon-Rogg hesitated. He was out of line. The Supreme Intelligence stared into him.

“Say it, Commander.”

Yon-Rogg took a breath, then asked, “Did this have anything to do with Vers?”

The Supreme Intelligence spoke confidently, “Vers needed to be reminded of what is important to her. She was waning from you and nothing you could have done yourself would have made her realize how much she relies on you.”

“So you told her I was dead?”

“She’s ready to do anything you ask of her now. Her unwavering loyalty is renewed.”

“Because of a lie,” he regretted the words even as they were slipping his tongue.

The Supreme Intelligence narrowed its eyes and tightened its jaw. It stepped towards Yon-Rogg and he took half a step back.

“Since when does lying to her bother you?”

“It doesn’t.”

The Supreme Intelligence took another step closer, eyeing Yon-Rogg with a long, meaningful stare. An unsettling heat was rising through him, and he tried to maintain his demeanor. The Supreme Intelligence retained its silence and its stare. Yon-Rogg could practically feel his own thoughts being sifted through by a foreign hand.

Then some great mass whizzed past them on either side, as if they were standing between two train tracks. Yon-Rogg stumbled forward from the force of it and fell to his knees. As he took a second to recover, he saw that what had flown by could more accurately be described as two walls. They were now standing—or in his case, kneeling—in a narrow and infinite alleyway, and floating across each wall were his memories of Vers.

“Do you care to describe to me what you’re feeling here?” the Supreme Intelligence asked as an image of Vers sleeping beside him took up the walls on either side.

Yon-Rogg just swallowed. He knew what he had been feeling, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything to the Supreme Intelligence, not even to ask for forgiveness.

“You harbor a dangerous sense of pity for her,” the Supreme Intelligence said. “You were watching her sleep and you felt sorry for her. You felt like you had wronged her. I excused these weaknesses in you, because you have always been able to see past your own desires for the good of Kree. But you are beginning to test my patience.”

Again, all Yon-Rogg could offer in response was silence. More images of Vers flew by, images of him training her, images of her laughing at him, of her running towards him, and of her trembling beneath him that very day.

“I encouraged your sexual relationship with her to induce a deeper loyalty to you. I would not have allowed you to indulge yourself with any of your other inferiors like this; it risks you clouding your judgment, but I trusted you to keep your head over this. You’re buying into your _ own _ lies, Yon-Rogg.”

“Forgive me,” Yon-Rogg finally spoke, trying not to focus on the images of him pressing Vers against a wall. The image rippled into her with the other woman at the pleasure center.

“But you already know that this is a weakness,” the Supreme Intelligence said. “You’ve found a way to detach yourself. Keep yourself there, Yon-Rogg. Do not debase yourself to her level of emotion. Do not let jealousy slip into your thoughts towards her ever again. She is not simply a lover you can scorn. For your good and for the good of Kree, do not let yourself forget what she is.”

An image of Vers shooting the engine at the lake on C-53, of the power coursing into her floated past them. More familiar scenes of her harnessing her powers and of her slipping and losing control spread across the walls, which seemed to be getting closer together now, practically touching him. Then something he hadn’t seen. Vers was before him without the chip on her neck, her whole body burning with the energy that was normally confined to just her hands. And he saw her face contort in rage, energy emitting from her like a nebula, and then there was blackness.

The voice of the Supreme Intelligence echoed through the dark, “Lose control of her, and you risk losing everything.”

As the light slowly reemerged, the walls were gone, and now stretched all around Yon-Rogg was Hala, but not the Hala he knew and protected. It was a smoldering skeleton, lifeless and forlorn. Yon-Rogg finally stood from his knees, taking in the eerie, sickeningly silent landscape. In the midst of all the ruins was Vers, looking down at something. Yon-Rogg recognized his own corpse.

The ravaged image of Hala disintegrated and they were back in the typical blank space of the Supreme Intelligence.

“Do not waste this opportunity I have gifted to you, Yon-Rogg. Her human love and Kree loyalty to you will keep her where we need her,” the Supreme Intelligence said, standing an arms length away from Yon-Rogg. “Make Vers feel nurtured; she responds well to that. We know that she needs to feel completely secure with your relationship if we are to have any success with her. You cannot invoke her obstinacy against you over trivial matters. Reassure her. Keep telling her that you are always doing what’s best for her. Tell her you love her. She cannot doubt you or her feelings for you ever again. And always be wary of yourself. Do not lose yourself in this relationship. Do not ever forget what she is.”

“I will not disappoint you, Intelligence,” Yon-Rogg vowed, feeling his entire self being weighted into the oath. No matter what he had to do, as always, he would prove himself worthy of Kree.

* * *

Vers woke to the sound of Yon-Rogg’s door opening. When she opened her eyes, he wasn’t in bed next to her anymore, but he was standing, as if he had just reentered the apartment.

“Did you go somewhere?” her voice was groggy and she slowly started to sit herself up.

“You don’t have to get up,” he said, taking off his boots. She scooted over and lied back down as he got back into bed. She wrapped her arms around him and breathed his scent.

“Is everything ok?” she asked.

“Yes, just a mission report with the Supreme Intelligence.”

“Was it angry?”

“Angry?” He paused. “Why would it be angry?”

“Because we had sex instead of you reporting first.”

“No, no, I…” He sighed, perhaps annoyed. “No, it was fine. Anyway, it’s not exactly your business what happened with the Supreme Intelligence.”

“Sorry, Commander.”

“Vers...”

She breathed out a sleepy laugh into his back, then kissed his shoulder blade. She nuzzled her cheek against him and said, “You’re so easy to annoy.”

“Only because you’re so vexing.”

“Mmm, you like it, though.”

Then he rolled over to face her, and she touched his cheek as he put his arms around her. He was gazing over her and she inched herself closer, touching her feet to his and entwining their legs together.

After a moment, he said, “Do you trust me, Vers?”

Her response was instant, “You know I do. More than anyone.”

There was something like relief spreading across his face and she touched the tip of her nose to his. He held her a little tighter and kissed her lightly.

“Do _ you _ trust _ me_?” she asked, her lips close to his.

“As long as you’re behaving.”

“Pff.” She rolled her eyes and laughed.

“Have I ever told you that I love the way your face crinkles when you smile?”

“Of course you haven’t,” she said. “Stop embarrassing yourself.”

He pulled her tighter against him, kissing her again. She was starting to lose herself in the tenderness of it, when he stopped, asking, “Do you trust that I love you?”

“I do.” She gazed silently at him for a moment. “Do you trust that I love you?”

“I do.”

“Good.”

As they held onto each other, she was saturated with a joy unlike any she had in her limited memories. She had no doubts about what she had with Yon-Rogg. After years of battling uncertainties with her past and even her feelings for him, she needed something to be absolutely certain about. And now she knew, whether or not she recovered her memories, she had something real with him. She trusted him with every part of who she was because he had been proving to her that she could since the first time she woke up next to him in the medbay. She loved him for that. Completely.


	9. Epilogue

“He lied to me,” was all Carol could initially bring herself to say in reaction to the years and years of misplaced trust. As she had listened to the recording from the blackbox, she had been shook with memory after memory of her time with Yon-Rogg. The onslaught of disgust and anger and shock was too much for her to express in front of the familiar strangers who had led her to the truth. But the flurry of emotions all pointed to one heartbreaking realization: _ He lied. _

The betrayal went deep, rooted into the most vulnerable parts of her—the same vulnerable parts she had trusted him with. She had trusted him to keep her safe, to be honest with her. She had willingly and eagerly shared her body and her mind with the man she believed he was. But that was all over now. That man didn’t exist. She hadn’t been able to see the real Yon-Rogg until it was too late to protect herself from the impact he would have on her.

It wasn’t enough that she had been kidnapped, brainwashed, and misused, but the very blood coursing through her veins was stained a color that she couldn’t wash out. Every heartbeat and every pulse that pounded under her skin was a reminder of how close her enemy had been and would always be to her. She used to find comfort in the fact that their blood was the same, but now it repulsed her, even if it had saved her life. He had only saved her life to steal her and use her. His intentions for her had always been contaminated by his own pride and purpose. 

Even though Yon-Rogg had his own agenda, Carol was positive he had been manipulated by the Supreme Intelligence in some way when it came to their relationship—she now knew how far-reaching the lies of the Supreme Intelligence went. But she couldn’t absolve Yon-Rogg of his mistreatment of her for that. He had been an active party in her manipulation, and she had had no power to stop him, and he _ knew _ that. He had the ability to take away her powers, he had her under his thumb, and she had been blinded. She never would have let herself get close to him, let alone _ fall in love _ with him, if she had been able to see.

The more she crawled through her memories of being Kree, the more violated she felt. The Kree had filled her with six years of frustration, confusion, lies, and, ultimately, violence. She wondered how many times her memory had been wiped to make room for the things they wanted to fill her with. Yon-Rogg had told her that her body was a weapon, and she could see now that that was exactly how they had treated her. She hadn’t been a person; she had been a tool. It was so easy to keep a tool in imposed darkness, isolated from everything.

When she found herself overcome with feelings of loss and betrayal, she could hear Yon-Rogg’s voice in her head. _ Control it_. Those words were engraved in her brain. She could destroy Kree battleships with the energy she had finally unleashed, but she couldn’t blast his words from her head. As she soared into her new life, she couldn’t stop imagining the things he would be saying to her. It was like she was having an ongoing conversation in her head with him, and she had to be constantly stopping his voice from having that platform in her thoughts.

And she couldn’t forget the way he touched her. She hated herself for missing it. She hated the way she missed him kissing her over and over. She still felt compelled to seek him when she wanted comfort. It would take a long time to be free of that feeling. 

Looking back now, she could see all the ways he had let his own complicated emotions towards her come out in their relationship. She couldn’t forget the ways he had looked at her or the way he had held her and wrapped his hands around her neck. She had known that he got off on taking away her powers, but she had believed him when he told her she was wrong. He had made her feel crazy in so many small ways. She resented him for that. For all of it.

She had trusted him to ease her mind, to guide her and teach her. She had trusted him with her body, in combat and in bed. Through their six years together, he had claimed to be making her the best version of herself, but he had been constantly severing her memories and her humanity from her. He had watched her lose her mind over her amnesia, and instead of telling her who she was, he fucked her, in every sense of the word. For six years. And she had called it love.

But she knew now that the love wasn’t real. The love had been based on a lie, it had been infected and festering from the beginning. She hadn’t known any better, hadn’t been allowed to know any better, but now she did. She knew she did have real love, but it wasn’t with him.

She had a true, pure love with Maria. She loved and cherished Monica. She had an honest and deep respect for Dr. Lawson—Mar-Vell. She had even formed a bond with Nick Fury and Talos and his family, all of whom she knew she could trust. Her life as Carol was full and complete in so many ways and she didn’t need Yon-Rogg in it to validate her. Not anymore. Never again. She could be herself and be loved and give love without him.

She knew she wasn’t Vers anymore, but Vers would always be a part of her. To forget Vers would be a disservice. That Kree part of her had learned that she had the strength and the ability to persevere in the face of the unknown. Vers had been consistently abused and betrayed without even knowing it, but Carol had pulled her out of the wreckage. She would never be just one of them ever again. She needed both halves of herself, Vers and Carol, if she were to ever move on.

The hand she had been fighting with for six years had belonged to Vers, and the one she had finally untied from behind her back was Carol’s. Together they were whole. Together they would finish the work her true mentor had started. Together they would become Captain Marvel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this novella length fic!
> 
> This fic can be reblogged on tumblr [here ](https://brielarsonist.tumblr.com/post/187105688916/ultraviolence-versyon-rogg-52k-words-rated)


End file.
